Nice. Very clever. This stories title alone made me crack up. The beginning lines sounded so natural that they appeared to make sense, but when I read back, I was like "does that sentence really say that?" This was an extremely amusing, masterfully incoherent story.
Wow. This was a fantastic read. Definitely going in my favorites. The main character's superiority complex is believable and fleshed out. The way he casually toys with other people's lives and justifies it as not evil is incredibly compelling. He is delightfully evil. I do wish that you'd describe the two other occurrences of his mind reading that are mentioned. This story is a masterfully written account of a man given perfect mental gifts who uses those gifts for his own selfish bidding.
An awesome beginning. This chapter really held my interest. I'd say this story is totally worth continuing into further chapters. I loved how you realistically and sympathetically portrayed a victim of tourette syndrom. I do think that the popular girls table is a little caricatured. And the mind reading element, though introduced only at the end is an exciting development. I am sad that this story hasn't been continued since it has such a good start. Be sure to let me know if you ever start working on this series again
This was a very interesting prologue. The narration was very fluid, and the main character had some nice quirks. Didn't see any problems with spelling or conventions. This story has an interesting setting and a nice grimy outlook on city life. This chapter is definitely interesting enough for me to want to keep on reading.
I have one question though. At the beginning it says the main character's name is Verb, but at the end it says his name is Emblem. I might be mistaken and missed a change in characters.
Nice story, haunting revelations. I liked the concept of the mom reading through her daughter's journals and, in a single sitting, following her daughter on a life-long descent into sadness and self-hatred. I think the actual typing of the repeated curse word is unnecessary. You could just leave the description of how pages are filled with this word and type the word once. I loved how the mother initially is mostly concerned with her own current struggles and regrets and is shocked to find out more about her daughter's state of happiness than she wanted to. The ending scene with the mother locking herself in the bathroom did a good job of capturing her disillusionment.
I guess the moral of the story is...don't read other people's diaries
Nice take on being afraid of the dark. The personifications of the night and their rituals were nice descriptions. The flow and rhyme of this poem is consistent throughout. This is a poem more than worthy of being read to your children as a good night poem. Though it is about being afraid of the dark, its gentle descriptions give it a very soothing feel.
Nice story. The description and portrayal of Joe and Mary was a natural feeling portrayal of an old bickering couple. Their arguments seemed to echo with the same stubborn, illogical conflict that my own grandparents have been engaged in. The ending line was also very sweet. I always enjoy stories involving therapy sessions.
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