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54 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Kaboom
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like it so far :) My boyfriend writes scifi, too, so I was intrigued when I came across your Prologue. No grammatical errors that I noticed. So far, you have me hooked! I look forward to reading the rest! Great job so far, and if you get stumped, put that scene aside and start working on another scene until you feel ready to finish where you left off.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of What If?  
Review by Kaboom
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Definitely puts things into perspective. Many loathe our government, yet so few truly realize how greatly the government structure is needed to ensure and maintain a surviving future. Very well done! I did not grade for grammatical errors, just the content, and to be honest, I didn't spot any errors. Again, it definitely puts things into perspective. Kind of like overbearing parents. We hate to have them be so overbearing, but it is for a reason that things are the way they are.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by Kaboom
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
The whole time I thought it was the appendix, only to realize it was a little splinter! Then again, that is the typical male response for something like that (HA!) ;) I got a good chuckle out of your short story. Only one grammatical error that I noticed:

“Please, Roger, talk to me,” Cynthia begged, kneeling beside him. “Where’s the pain? Do you need me to drive you to this (should be the, not this) hospital?” She was starting to panic, wondering if he was dying.

All in all, great job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Liars  
Review by Kaboom
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Not only was this superbly written, but the words flow so beautifully and effortlessly. Your descriptions are flawless and heartfelt. I love how, even though you didn't delve into graphic details, your words allowed the imagination to do the rest to get the point across. Again, very well done! You are right to be proud of your work! Never stop!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by Kaboom
Rated: E | (5.0)
Even though it seems you inherited the unease in easily showing emotion from your father, this took courage to write, regardless of whether you wrote this before or after your father's passing. We don't know each other, but I wanted to say that I am proud of you for finding the courage and strength to show your emotions and gratitude towards him. I want you to know that I am thankful for your father's service, and thankful to you for realizing how amazing your father truly was for not only being a Marine, but for also being an amazing father who raised an amazing man.

Only a few grammatical errors, but they did not take away from your intent in posting this heartfelt letter.

"It has taken me a while to learn these things (insert comma) Dad."
"Goodbye (insert comma) Dad,"

Very well done. I hope you continue :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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6
Review by Kaboom
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Not only was this an exciting read, but it gave me ideas (haha) I really liked how, even though this is an adult short story, you made this appropriate by merely insinuating what was happening in your story. I will admit, I did get a little more than excited while reading this. Great job! No errors. No suggestions or advice needed. Just right ;)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review by Kaboom
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I will start with grammar first, and then I will add my personal feedback :)

"That's correct (comma) Father."

"Honestly, I don't know if I believe (in) God; I don't give it much thought. Angels and demons are metaphors that people use to explain the good and evil that exists in the world." I tried to keep the interview on track. "According to legend, demons can take over a person's body and then an exorcist, like yourself, is called in to expel them. I watched 'The Exorcist' and 'The Exorcism of Emily Rose', so I think that I have a pretty good idea of what goes on. I mean, they're supposedly based on actual events, right? I'm hoping that you can provide me with some more detail; maybe tell (a) few stories of actual exorcisms that you've performed. "

"You see (comma) Matthew; God is very real; angels are real; Satan is real; Heaven and hell are both real."

"Later that evening, after eating supper and putting my two girls to bed, I sat down on the sofa with my wife and began searching the cable listings for a show that a friend from work, Carol, (that Carol, a friend from work,) had recommended."

"My wife, Libby (comma) and I watched the show for about ten minutes before we looked at each other and began laughing."

"The exorcist on the screen (no comma) confronted the possessed people and began arguing with them; putting a cross or bible on their head and demanding to know the name of the demon"

"As I lay in bed that night, I tried to think of ways to make (an) exorcism scary. If I couldn't, I would have to do as Father Donnely suggested and change my subject."

"I called father (Father - Proper Noun) back and explained that I had other sources for my story and wouldn't need to interview him."

"I've seen him (comma)" he said, laughing."

"Hanna," (Hannah) asked Father. "Do you remember what we discussed after our last time together, about the restraints? Have you given that any thought?"

"And you (your) machine," he said, pointing to my tablet, "it stays in your car."

"Part Four: The Rite


The door of the church opened onto a staircase. Looking up the stairs to the left, I could see the dimly lit (dimly lit what?) inside of the church."

"Father opened the small, gold box, removed a paper thin, round, white object from it. (comma) then gently placed inside (inside) the glass enclosure. "

"That's right (comma) Matthew; that's what these fools believe. Get that abomination out of here!" Hannah yelled."

"Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat," (May the cat eat you and the devil eat the cat.) answered a voice that came from Hannah, but wasn't hers." Should be written as: "Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat (May the cat eat you and the devil eat the cat)," answered a voice that came from Hannah, but wasn't hers."

Great story! I was a little disappointed as the story seems incomplete. Maybe this was just to give insight to how an exorcism actually goes? Overrall, I rather enjoyed your story, but I feel like the story was just warming up.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of The Pact  
Review by Kaboom
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I will start with grammar and I will end with my take on your letter :)

"First of all (insert comma) I need to tell you how much I love you (insert comma) Kathy."

"BJ was is (in) horrible pain and couldn't speak."

"Baby as God is my witness, I held him and watch (watched) the life flow out of his eyes. I talked to him and then said goodbye (insert comma) but he was already gone."

"I knew he would take care of you (insert comma my darling (insert comma if I didn't make it."

"Believe me (insert comma) darling, none of it is true."

"You wont (should be won't) get this letter for about two week from now."

"God, baby, I am trying so hard to keep things together (insert comma) but inside I am numb. It is almost like I (extra space, no need) don't remember how to live anymore (insert comma) only how to survive."

"We were going to get together and go fishin (fishing or fishin', depending on how your character pronounces the word)."

"I know this letter is so full of scattered thoughts (insert comma) but right now I can't think straight."

"If you are able to live this minute (insert comma) then that's all you have."

"There is a load (loud?) explosion and the mud and water is everywhere."

"Some got on my letter (insert comma) but I can't help that. I gotta go (insert comma) baby."

"With this minute (insert comma) my darling Kathy (insert comma) I will tell you again (insert comma) I love you."

"For now right now (insert comma pray for me."

Ok, down to business. I like how you chose to use just enough detail in your letter, without being too gory for Mike's wife to bear, in describing Mike's encounter with losing his best friend, BJ. Most men do not allow themselves to show emotion when they grieve, and I can definitely tell in Mike's letter that even writing the haunting events to his wife that this was extremely difficult for him to do. Short, yet bittersweet, as no one knows if Mike made it back home, and also because, assuming he made it home alive, he took up the responsibility of taking care of both his own family, as well as BJ's family.
This story actually gave me goosebumps because I dated an Army Staff Sergeant, and his name is Mike, also. He is still in Afghanistan, and he doesn't want to come back to the U.S. So, in a way, I almost felt like I was Mike's wife, Kathy. Very well done!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of Troublemakers  
Review by Kaboom
Rated: E | (4.5)
"Ezzy looked down at the small children, who were completely absorbed by her sister’s presence. They were nearly the same size. Each had shaggy locks of dirty brown hair and big bright blue eyes. They even wore similar outfits, the only difference being that one had a blue tee shirt with a bear on it, and the others (should be other's, to show possession). bore a lion. Two lost little cubs."

"“Children, say hello to my sister (insert comma) Ezzy. She’s only here on business, but I love her just the same.”"

"Ezzy straightened herself, and willed all emotion from her face. “I had a hard time locking down the address from their terrible little memories. And of course, I’m not exactly a social worker, am I (insert comma) sweet sister?”"

"“Is that so? How noble, sweet, dear sister.” The sarcasm she coated the last words or (did you mean 'of'?) her sentence with was borderline malice. “I was not aware you spent your nights relocating mistreated children.”"

"“Stay back, foul demon!” A man appeared from her left. He must have been standing to the side of the doors when she flung them open, she guess(ed), judging by the blood flowing freely from his nose. A sharp pang of regret stabbed at her and she cursed her rash action."

"It had been months since her escape with the boys. Mageris had not been able to track the thousands of possibility strands Ezzy had left at her portal site. Ezzy kicked herself for not doing so (what is she kicking herself for not doing?) in the first place. Now she had escaped Mageris for the moment, but left behind her responsibilities and sentenced herself to a life on the run. It was no life for children. Perhaps she had been kidding herself. How could this end well for them, when at any moment she could be whisked away?"

"Ezzy was done speaking. She pulled her necklace out from under her dress and examined the tiny faery dangling from it. It glowed brightly as she revealed it, washing out the meager circles or (I assume you mean 'of') light that had been previously illuminating the mages present. She had carefully crafted the figurine over the last few months, hopping from location to location, gathering all the components she would need for one final spell."

A tale of fate and love, loyalty and duty, abiding by the rules and taking a stand for those who are unable to do so themselves. This loving story of sacrifice touched me. I am a mother, and had made the decision when I was pregnant, that if there were ever a serious complication, that I would give my life for my child. And so, in your short story, though the children were not of her blood, she adopted them as her own and gave her life to keep and protect them. Very well done! A few grammatical errors here and there, but nothing that took away from the story itself. Please do keep up the fantastic work!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
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Review of A Penny  
Review by Kaboom
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an extremely cute and touching story. Being a mother, I found myself smiling and immensely appreciating your words. I hope my son grows to be like this mother's loving and selfless son! No grammatical errors that I noticed. I very much enjoyed reading this. Do keep up the touching of hearts and inspiration of minds!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Kaboom
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem is just so gosh darn cute! Simple, yet direct, your title definitely grabbed my attention. I always check for grammatical errors when I read, and I found none. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your little poem, as I have, on more than one occasion, wrestled with these very same questions. It is difficult to not doubt one's own abilities when it comes to written expression. The beauty of this is that no one else can write exactly like you do. Don't ever doubt your abilities, for they are what make you and your style unique! Very well done!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
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Review of Finding our pride  
Review by Kaboom
Rated: E | (4.0)
To start, there are some grammatical errors that I feel necessary to share with you, and they are as follows:

"What happen (happenS or happenED) to the heart felt
Faith and country pride
To stand and give respect
To the flag (insert comma here) not be ashamed and hide"

"We have it so well here in our
American promise (promiseD) land
That we don’t pay attention to the
Soldiers (Soldier's or Soldiers') out stretched hand"

"We must restore our countries (country's)
Pride, be ready and strong
To keep our flags flown high
When an enemy comes along"

Overall, I liked it :) It is a calling, a plea, to our nation to once again rise up in unity and support this great land on which she was founded. As always, keep it up and write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
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Review by Kaboom
Rated: E | (5.0)
Being prone to losing myself in my own head, aka I'm a complete space cadet at times, I fully understand this poem. Being lost in a crowd of one can sometimes be the most overwhelming feeling. Being surrounded by many and still feeling alone can become too much to bear. Surviving each and every day is sometimes the greatest feat one can accomplish. I have been there, done that, bought the entire t-shirt store, and will continue to to experience this my whole life. In the midst of loneliness, one is many, yet many can sometimes feel like (n)one. Very well done :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Child Adrift  
Review by Kaboom
Rated: E | (5.0)
Too cute! I have been in the same situation before, as well. Swimming out too far and, at first panicking, then realizing that it was not as bad as I first thought it to be. No grammatical errors as far as I can tell. I could actually picture what was going on while I was reading your monologue. Again, a good read. I very much enjoyed it. I look forward to more good reads!
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Review of What to Say  
Review by Kaboom
Rated: E | (4.0)
As far as I could tell, the only grammatical error that I could find was in the second paragraph, third line where 'to' should be 'too' ("There's far TO (should be TOO) much to take away"). An overall good read. I could sense the uncertainty, and slight urgency, in the script writer's words as s/he ponders just the right words and what type of plot to use for the script. I liked what I read. Good job! Keep it up!
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Review by Kaboom
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I love it! Short yet sweet, sensual yet full of humor and fun. A satisfying read, if you ask me. I enjoyed it very much! Take a look at my profile and, if you wouldn't mind too terribly, take a peek at my writings, too? I look forward to reading more of your works.
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Review of To the Death  
Review by Kaboom
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
An excellent read! For the most part, your words became that of an action film in my mind. From what I could tell, there were no grammatical errors. Your words flow well as do your transitions. Again, very well put together. I hope to read the sequel, if there is one, that is! ;D
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Review of Bay of miracles  
Review by Kaboom
Rated: E | (4.0)
I liked your rhythm and I especially was drawn by your colorful choice of description. Water is a wonderful thing; it's soothing, yet energizing, it's treacherous, yet healing. It's a part of our everyday lives, yet it still holds captivating wonders that will never grow boring to us. Again, well done! Keep writing and don't ever stop for anyone. :)
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