You give a lot of imagery through emotion but the physical details, are very lacking. What people look like, what color grandma's house is, the things your character sees...these are all physical details that builds the image in the readers mind. I know the emotion is the key driving force behind the story but it is absolutely important that you add physical details as well to build the setting.
Another thing that through me off is when you described the heat and the Yankees losing I thought of July or August....but then you mentioned football which is a fall sport. I know they can overlap and football can certainly be played in the heat but not likely in New York in late September....I'd switch football to baseball...
I liked this. The only thing I could really criticize is that it was too short and I caught on too early. It would've been nice to have had to wonder about what was going on before being hit with the news. Other than that there isn;t much else to say. Good job.
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