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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mammothelbow
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Review by MammothElbow
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
This was quite the interesting read for me since I haven’t indulged in reading a more long-form story of this nature. And the themes are very fascinating. I have never seriously considered what polygamy entails and how it would be handled among the multiple relationships before. However, I most certainly do think that they should be more accepted.

As I read it, I found myself enjoying small things such as the nice depiction of social anxiety and the references to the show. I enjoyed how it was somewhat comedic at some places such as Kaiba’s approach to Joan with his request to bed her.

I did find myself slightly lost at the start of the story as it felt that it expected the reader to already know quite a few aspects of the characters and setting which are only later explained, such as what exactly Marc does. It felt as if the exposition was out of its place, but still suitable to its situations. It might be well integrated, but it would have been nice to be privy to the information earlier in the story.

The way the story progress felt a bit jumpy for me at times. It went from one location to the next with little connective tissue and made me feel as if I missed something or skipped a paragraph. It was only apparent early on in the piece but wasn’t later on.

I’m not a big fan of the use of text slang in dialogue as I find it a bit unnatural for characters to speak like that and found myself taken out of the story when it happened. I do know that some people to use text slang in real life, but that is usually a quirk in their personality and not that widely used. It was especially jarring to see Kaiba use the “K thanks bye”, but it was somewhat appropriate for the scene. There might have been a better way to portray his urgency to leave the conversation and him being a bit out of his nature.

One thing that I did notice in the text was that Joan seemed to have little agency in her life and had most of her decisions made for her. I wasn’t too big of a fan of this, but it does play a bit into her alluded backstory, I think.

All in all, I found this pretty enjoyable. The characters are fun to read and those from the show are well portrayed. A good read.
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