|The most important thing on emotional pieces is conveying the right emotion. And girl, may I say you did wonderfully, honestly. Just the right words, in the right order, no bulls***. This could have been so much longer than it needed to be, but you didn't do that, I like it.
I don't know how much editing you put into this, maybe a lot, maybe none at all, I can never tell and it doesn't matter anyway. I would just like to say I loved it, and since I'm here to criticize I'll do that, but keep in mind it's all 5 stars, 'cause the emotion have been delivered.
I go by Dan Harmon's story structure, wich basically means circles, big and small. Since the boy is the sun and the moon and other stars, starting the piece with her love for the night sky and proceeding to the boy being the sun, then later - as you did - coming back to the night sky, would make a nice little story circle. I believe this to be the most important aspect of fiction, and yours just need a couple extra sentences to achieve that.
Also, on the last paragraph I feel like there's to much equal sentences. Always beggining with "She felt. She wanted. She wished." It got boring, but again, small changes.
I truly loved this piece. Please, write on!
Best regards, Mark Diaz.