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Review of jillian  
Review by Melanie Gelam Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (3.5)
Very emotional. I like it. A couple of changes you might want to make: you say "he smiled at me" but then you say "why doesn't he see me?" Does he look as if he's looking through her? What was the something important he had to do? If we don't need to know, maybe it doesn't need to be said.
All in all, a very good piece. Good job!
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