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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/michael2018
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12 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by tucson
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nice story. I didn't find any errors or typos. This is a great written story that is clear and easy to read and understand. I guess this is a true story so to some people that will make it very interesting. The part about them finding out about the gridlock then the gridlock happening was a little confusing for me. I am glad you have shared the past and so at other people.
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Review by tucson
Rated: E | (5.0)
A clear, nice story. I really liked the motorhome in the campsite. Its neat that you look for metal. I would like a little more detail, like what the campsite looks like and if the motor home drove in on a road or through the woods. You are lucky to have a friend so dear you put this story out there and make it worth any ones time to read.
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Review by tucson
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Well written and informed article. I find no typos, misspellings, etc. The part of the equation you left out, (maybe on purpose?) is parents. or at least you only name them indirectly for abusive situations. Often, it is easy to not become involved in your own child's education because it is the school and teachers "job" to teach. This is wrong and a dangerous way of thinking. I like you sticking in the popo and others on your list. Nice fact about Finland...etc,. I bet some people would not believe it, America the great and all, but, unfortunately, I have no doubt you are right.
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Review of Evil Wind  
Review by tucson
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Nice, professional quality story. easy to read. very believable. I would tweek the radio traffic a little. ex instead of 334 to 330, it would likely be said 334, 330. with out the use of the word "to" also there would be less description given over the radio, leo's try to use as few word as possible and tend to describe situations simuliarly, shots fired, activate ems, active shooter. that's why they use 10 codes, like 10-4 which have a universal meaning. If I was Ben I would have shot the guy in the theater when he went for his gun, maybe, probably before. The cops knew he already shot people and would have shot first asked questions after, I would have. If you need him caught alive, just wing him. Maybe they weren't sure it was him or didn't see his gun, clarification about how they specifically encounter him might be helpful. I know if I was responding to a possible cop killer I would show up with gun drawn. I would not be considering going hands on with an armed murder. It really is super good, I just point out these little things if you agree.
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Review by tucson
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
yes it did, thank you
6
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Review by tucson
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I liked it. I got confused about the names at first. You call the same guy by two different names, brick and the wall. "...away from the blood now pouring onto the rooftop" that line confused me. What happened to Snake? I like that the skeleton used a gun, that's cool. and I wonder what he needs help with. Good work!
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Review by tucson
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great poem. It keeps you reading and waiting to find out what happened. I think I would have done the same as the father in the poem, but I guess I will never know. Again, great poem, it will cause many to well up. It reads nicely but I must say the fourth paragraph tripped up both me and my wife. It is a nice engaging story.
8
8
Review by tucson
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really like how descriptive you are. I notice one area it could be made to read a little smoother. I see a few spots where you repeat words. For example, you use the word heal 3 times within 13 words. I think with more work your piece will be great.
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