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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/movieman894
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6 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Starship Sentry  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I got a kick out of the ending of this! I had absolutely no idea what was really going on until almost the very end. This was a lot of fun to read, and a very clever twist at the end. I was actually a little confused at first at the first mention of street names, but I quickly caught on. Then I went back and read it all with the ending in mind. Great work!
2
2
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow...I'm not sure how to even begin with my comments here, so I will just answer the specific questions you asked at the beginning.

DOES THIS SITUATION SEEM REAL? Granting the reality of the rather fantastic (in all meanings of the word) premise, the situation felt very real to me. It seemed very genuine and true-to-life.

DOES THE DIALOGUE WORK? Often, I read a script, or a story that features a lot of dialogue, and the dialogue just...doesn't work. Nothing that you can really put your finger on, just a general sense that it's not working. I pride myself on my dialogue, and the dialogue you've written here is some of the best I've read. It is realistic in tone while still being interesting and intelligent. It manages, quite consistently, the rare feat of being both poignant and dramatic, and laugh-out-loud funny, simultaneously. The dialogue of Daniel in particular is sharp and amusingly witty all throughout, while also being insightful. Janey's dialogue is a close second for the best dialogue. While her dialogue is never bad, I felt it was a little more sharp toward the beginning, but it picked back up toward the end. In fact, none of the dialogue of any of the characters was ever bad, or even merely average. The dialogue for all the characters was incredible. It's just that one or two were slightly more incredible than the rest.

DO THE CHARACTERS RESONATE? As I already mentioned, the two strongest characters, to me, are Daniel and Janey. Ryan is only slightly less so, but only because the events are happening TO him. Ryan definitely has a lot of depth, but Daniel and Janey, I think, make the story pop. That's not a bad thing, though. Susan, the mother...we didn't see much of her, and in the conclusion that might change, but because of that, we don't really get much sense of her as a character. Again, this is surely because of her minor role so far. In any event, all the characters seem easily strong enough for their role. The characters and their relationships to one another are very real and genuine. I'm interested in seeing more of the mother, but by and large, I wouldn't change the characters at all.

DO YOU CARE ABOUT THE MAIN CHARACTERS' PREDICAMENT? Absolutely. I'm fascinated by the story, and the character, and his situation.

DO YOU WANT TO READ THROUGH TO A SOLUTION? YES!! As soon as possible!

So those are the answers to your questions. One more thing...are you married to the idea of this being a stage production? Because I'm pursuing a career as a filmmaker, and I think it would work wonderfully as an independent film.

So that's all my comments. Hope to read the conclusion soon!
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