|First of all, I love the positive spin you put on sex work and polyamory; we definitely need more of that in our society.
Throughout much of the text, it felt like the dialogue was unnatural. Seto is a character where it makes sense for his dialogue to be short and choppy; however with the rest of them, I think you should work on first developing their characters, and from there developing their style of speech. One point of dialogue that I found to do match the characters very well was between Laura and Roland when they were leaving work. Excellent use of dialogue right there!
When you used "lol" as dialogue, I think you were doing that because the character was nervous, but I'm not 100% sure. Clarify! Or otherwise, I recommend not using text lingo as dialogue.
The pants scene was funny! I'd suggest you push it a *little* further and offer more detail. More wacky details can make it funnier. (But be careful, you don't want to push it too far.)
Towards the end, when Marc and Joan are meeting Mokuba, the sudden shift between Marc glaring down Mokuba and then suddenly leaving felt out of character. Marc seemed very protective. Maybe he should be hesitant to leave?
If you have any questions, let me know (I know this was an awfully long review). I'd be happy to look at this again if you make any changes due to my feedback and let you know what I think of the edited version!