Well now, doesn't this prove a point!
I know exactly where I am, and you don't, so you're not in the position to judge my directions.
Not quite rhyming, and yet it does.
Apologies to the hillbillies, but then again... they do have a way with words, don't they?
Now that is a dad you can be proud of, whose head is level on his shoulders, and who understands what is true trouble. And true treasure.
Not sure if this dad is just fictional or is the story incorporating your real dad, but I do hope for the latter.
Yup, I know how that goes. I've got voices in my head, too. Sometimes they talk to each other, and I listen to them talking to each other.
Probably not something I should be telling everybody, right?
Nice little story, though. Decent writing for such limited words and weird prompt!
Doing nothing is a trap. I know especially once you start working, but even in school, the thought of doing nothing all day seems fun! And you would rather be anywhere else, than at work or at school. But the truth is... doing nothing is fun for a short while. And then it is just plain boring!
Yes, promising fun games and sunny days... but without purpose that too, will lose its allure.
So, get UP and DO something!
I'm 44 and it took me years to get to this point.
This is some interesting writing.
And interesting concepts. Playing with the relationship between fear, illusion, practice and evil. Because fear is an illusion. Powerful and debilitating, but still only an illusion. And we practice it.
There's a quote from The Blacklist: "Fear activates the enemy".
It is a great fear - losing a parent. This story captures that beautifully. The trinkets we hold on to, and the things we choose to either confirm or deny what we want to be true.
Somehow I'm not sure if her daddy really is still alive?
My only criticism is that I don't understand what made her jump up. Did she realize it was her birthday?
Well written, with a southern accent (I presume?). Good story!
Well written for an essay.
Interesting take on TV shows. It has a way of forming our lives, doesn't it?
Yes, I agree with you: everyone should have a loving and supportive family, but not everyone has it. And that is heartbreaking.
A nice silly little piece of casual writing.
Not going for a pulitzer here, but it made me smile.
Sometimes life makes choices for us - what can you do?
Personally, I don't believe in raking up leaves. It's a waste of time in my opinion. Let it cover the grass (I think it adds protection against the frost, really) and let it be carpet of compost... So I'm with you. Let the grass be.
Great start, but it seems like you ran out of words.
I understand that this is only a snapshot of a story, and I can picture this - but I have a very vivid imagination. I think you can throw in a couple of more movement descriptions to set the stage just a bit more.
I would've loved to know what the young girl said to make it happen. Guessing we're talking a Gen-z? Even maybe just the opening line of her presentation, which would be something weird and gen-z like, but would have caught the attention of the crowd.
Could turn into something interesting.
But you are not going to remember anything at 2 years old. So either you are older, or there is some hidden figure (a nanny who yearns for revolution, family friend who stayed close, etc) that told you all the stories about what happened to you.
Grammar and expression needs a bit of work, too.
But the premise can be used to build something solid.
What a twist. No exclamation, because I'm still trying to catch my breath.
Well written, story almost seems too long and slow, but you do want to find out what happened. So you continue to read.
Even the twist is as "oh well" as the rest of the story. Poor girl really locked up her heart, didn't she?
This was a fun read!
Not quite sure what happened there at the end, but I guess he just causes such bad luck that their whole plan when sour.
Loved the pace and the descriptions. I can see the start of a movie... or perhaps the end of one? Gangsta Chicago style...
I've had the same. Nothing you do seems to achieve anything.
The only knowledge that saved me from the spiral, was also the thing that drove me to it:
I am the only one who matters.
What I do, what I achieve, is for me and for my life. Not for anyone else. No-one else really sees it. It's heartbreaking, but also freeing.
Goodness, this was great!
I did not want to read it at first. Poetry is very personal most of the time, and can be really amazing and also really not.
But I was completely gripped by the time I got to the second verse.
Love the extra-ordinary words (dash on purpose).
Great scene setting.
And my anxiousness flared up at the end there.
A interesting twist on the Little Red Hen using modern things.
My only critique would be: a look at how the friends that didn't help, asked to get some of the fruit, just so she could tell them "no". Perhaps they could've looked at their own wallets and saw that it did not grow. Helping her would not have harmed their harvest in any way.
But overall, a good play on a traditional story.
I love it when you are put at peace in your dreams. It is quite surreal. And it sounds like you've had just such an experience. I've had some of those, too.
The world is literally falling apart around you, and you are vulnerable in a crowd full of people waiting to tear you apart.
But it's only a dream.
Although, for me, it's not that you dreamt all of that. It's that in the midst of it, you got the message you are safe. That is the important part for me.
So whatever is coming or is happening in your life, you got the message: You are safe.
Hold on to that.
This is a very powerful poem. It shows clearly the weight of unsaid words. And it also shows that you did not feel seen or heard. So you didn't say anything. It's a horrible cycle. I've been there, so I can understand where this is coming from.
Words not said. Deeds not done.
Poetry is hard to critique, because of its flee flowing format. But it feels as if more could be said, or expanded upon? But then again... that is part of it. There weren't anything from the other person's side to work with. So it works, too.
On a personal note: you can only hurt someone who cares. Even if you did say the words, would it really have made a difference?
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