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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mzsnowleopard
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10 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Buster Heyman  
Review by MzSnowleopard
Rated: E | (4.0)
Remember when- circle, circle, dot, dot, now you're got your cootie show!

I like this story. It's fun, youthful and a good light read. I can tell you have a lot of fun in this genre. Keep it up.

The only problem I caught was this line- it's a few below the first ####:

"As if. People might think we kiss we no one is looking." Buster said. His face twisted up his face and stuck out his tongue. "Yuck."

my suggestion- remove the 2nd 'his face' and add 'he' between 'and stuck'
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Review of Kitty Kitten  
Review by MzSnowleopard
Rated: E | (5.0)
Kittens are absolutely wonderful and wondrous, aren't they? I love how this poem depicts a kitten curious about the world. And the picture is a purrfect fit. Well done.
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for entry "Prologue
Review by MzSnowleopard
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please say there's more to this story. Being a fan of the legend of Atlantis, the title caught my attention. So, naturally I dove in.

You left me wondering if the drug will kill Marcus or simply knock him out for a time, long enough, for Marcus to miss the event.

I have to say up front, I'm not fond of killing characters in the first few pages. So, I'm hoping he's simply drugged out.

That said, there's a story here. What few words you have inspired a full scenario in my mind. This is not easy to do. Keep writing and please keep me posted on your progress. I want to know more.

On to the technical issues. I see the same problem that I had with tenses. I can't count how many teachers, mentors, and fellow writers have proverbially smacked my hands for over using gerunds ( words ending in ING and LY). There's no hard rule that says never use them. Still, it's advised to use them as little as possible.

About this being a prologue- why not take it all out and make it a full chapter? Flesh it out and use it as chapter one to set the story.

In closing, I would like to recommend a book. I share this only with fellow writers who's script has caught my imagination. Self-Editing for Fiction Writers, 2nd Edition: How to Edit Yourself Into Print Amazon link: https://tinyurl.com/y9jqr7er

This book has helped me in more ways than I could have imagined. I hope you get as much out of it, if not more.

Best of luck with this. I look forward to reading more and seeing how this story unfolds.
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Review of Just Me  
Review by MzSnowleopard
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Reggie,

I like this. It's simple.

Your poem invoked a lot of memories for me. I was the 3rd of 3 kids adopted by my Grandparents. This poem reflects how I felt growing up. I felt like I was one child too many, the extra mouth. And my sister was the important one, the wanted one. To see your words makes me feel that I wasn't alone. I wasn't the only one who felt this way.

Thank you for sharing this. keep writing, keep sharing.
I look forward to reading more from you.
5
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Review by MzSnowleopard
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like it- a lone wolf plus a yin yang - that's awesome- and well done.
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Review by MzSnowleopard
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for sharing this. The content is informative, helpful, and concise. As some one who is about to write her first query letter, I'm grateful for this being here.
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Review by MzSnowleopard
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is a heartwarming story. It does need some more details. What breed of parrot is Hannah? What kind is Toeksie? Some anecdotes of their interactions would help. What was their best day together and or their worst?

The only "oops" I saw was the date you returned hannah "11/01/2014". Did you mean 2013?

Just y 2 cents
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Review of Name sig  
Review by MzSnowleopard
Rated: E | (4.0)
LOL awe, that's adorbale
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