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Review Requests: OFF
163 Public Reviews Given
164 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look for grammar and spelling mistakes and generally focus on how the piece reads like the flow and word choice. If you are just seeking a review of the overall story, just ask. I am still a little new to review but I try to be as thorough as possible and point out any and all mistakes that I can find. I will usually review anything that you request of me if I have time. Though there are a few genres and types of writing I don't really prefer.
I'm good at...
Finding typos, grammar and spelling mistakes and telling you how the writing made me feel.
Favorite Genres
Action/adventure, sci-fi, mystery, fiction
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica, romance, horror, LGBT
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, flash fiction, and poetry
Least Favorite Item Types
Novels and short stories more than 5000 words.
I will not review...
Erotica or Romance. Not my cup of tea. Sorry.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 ... Next
26
26
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Vine1**Vine2**Tulipp**Vine1**Vine2* This is a part of the {{item:2159670} Activities *Vine1**Vine2**Tulipp**Vine1**Vine2*


Here is a donation of 20000 GPS!

Hope this helps!

Keep doing good RAOK!

Stay Pesky! Choose Happiness!
27
27
Review of Memorise  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Vine1**Vine2**Tulipp**Vine1**Vine2* This is a part of the {{item:2159670} Activities *Vine1**Vine2**Tulipp**Vine1**Vine2*


Hello Smee. (Please forgive my lack of commas... my computer don't like them apparently.)

I am writing this review as part of the above activity and to congratulate you on your 12 year anniversary as a WDC member! Congrats! That is a long time!!!

Initial Thoughts

My First thought was... "What is going on? I am so confused!"

I like the jumping between time but I am a little confused by the events taking place.

But I like the new terminology and things like that. Nice creative touch.

Things to look at

I think this might be a mistake or missing a word or something: "my client a change his request." Or it could just be dialogue and the way the person speaks.

Final Thoughts

I love the imagery. I feel like I can actually see the places and the things that are happening. The descriptions are so vivid.

Remapping... nice. I like this concept.

Heart breaking. He did everything for Tess and it seems that he lost her.

Thanks so much for sharing.

Keep Writing. Stay Pesky!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
28
28
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey Jack Henry!

This is the review that you requested:

Initial Thoughts

As someone preparing to self-publish, I found this to be very interesting to read about. I may even have to have a look at the book you have reviewed.

I feel like there are a lot of facts in this book review about things that are not specifically included in the book. That doesn't mean they aren't useful but for me, usually a book review focuses only on that book and the content therein.

Suggestions

At the end, you include a title of a book (even a nonexistent book needs a title) and titles are usually in quotes or italicized.

Conclusion

I found it to be an interesting read. It didn't include too much information and it was easy to read, nothing too complex. One thing I would prefer to see is less presentation or facts and more sharing of your opinion. After all, a book review is generally the authors opinion of the book they are reviewing. But generally speaking, I enjoyed reading this and I will probably be checking out this book in my free time before I jump to publish my first book.

Thanks for requesting. Hope this is helpful! Keep writing and stay pesky!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
Review of Illegal Alien  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey! This is review 5 of 5! Sorry it has taken so long! Been a crazy month and a half!

Initial Thoughts

I love this! Haha... I have never really thought about what it would be like going somewhere strange. Strangely enough, I live in China and I am from America. So in a way, I can totally relate to this! I think the humor that you put into this piece is great. The words and concepts that you created a unique and well thought out and fit quite well with the idea of being an alien on another planet.

Things to Consider...

I think throughout the piece, you talk about different things like Xunx-Xinx and Trandff Juice. But then at the end, you talk about wolves. I just think you could change it a little more. Like cyber wolves or something like that. Because wolves sounds too "earthly" and you did a great job of renaming other things to make them sounds like they aren't from here.

Final Thoughts

I really don't see any gramatical errors or spelling errors. I think it is a cute story and to me, it talks about a subject that most people probably can't relate to. Obviously, no one (as far as we know) has accidently crash landed on another planet. BUT for people who have traveled to other countries, they can relate to it. For people who are refugees or immigrants or even just tourist, they can probably relate to this story in maybe not so strange ways.

I enjoyed reading it. Not too long, not too short. It was just a great little story!

Thanks for letting me review your work! I am officially paid in full for all of the reviews I owe you!

Keep writing! I look forward to reading more in the future!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
30
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Jack,

This is the review that you requested from me. Your request was "does this blog grab your attention?"

Please remember that this is strictly my opinion and others may disagree with me. Take it for what it is worth to you. In the end, it is your writing, not mine.

Initial Thoughts

In the beginning, I couldn't really figure out what you were talking about. I gathered that it was about social media but I had to stop and look up several words to actually be able to understand what you were talking about. Once I understood the topic, it was easier to read.

Your Question

To answer your question, it took me a while to get into the blog. I thought it was extremely formal and the words you used were for people with slightly higher reading levels. I ran it through the Hemingwayapp to see what the level was out of curiosity and it is a 7th-grade reading level. I guess it depends on your audience but in my opinion, for a blog post, this level is too high.

Final Comments

I also felt that it was kind of a scattered post. Like there was a lot going on within a very short post. First, you talk about comedians, then public embarrassment, then vicious people, and other things... You only have 700 words but you talk about 5 different topics. I think you could narrow it down and make it easier to read. Elaborate on two or three instead of using all five. Remember, quality is better than quantity.

I hope this review is helpful. I think it is a good idea but to summarize:

~ Reading level is too high unless you are writing to scholars.
~ It has too many topics in such a short post.

I would be happy to further discuss this if you are interested. Thanks for requesting a review!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
31
31
Review of The Invitation  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is review number 4 of 5 that I owe you from the Winter Auction Package!

First, I absolutely love the topic of this piece. Taking something like the Christian walk and entering into eternity and making it into something like this is just great. Thanks so much for sharing this!

Second, the literary elements that are present in this piece was masterfully written! I love how you compare our lives before Christ to the camp surrounded by muck and bushes. This pieces is just amazing to me!

To me, it seems like the onions and carrots and what not were like blessing we recieve for helping other people.

And abandonning his cart was like leaving our worldly possessions behind. Wow!

Suggestions:

"overpowering my own musty stench of mildew and dirt.
"She is about to give birth and I am most clueless about how to help her..." He trailed off and searched my face, his eyes hopeful. " I think you should just add a line space between these two lines. I don't know the correct way to do it but since you had the same person speak, then other stuff, then speak, then other stuff again, then speak again. I think after the second stuff you need a line space. Don't quote me on that but it looks more visually appealing to me.

Final Thoughts

The beauty of this piece brought tears to my eyes and joy to my soul. Wow! Just Wow! I really can't find anyway to critisize this. I wish I could share this with my parents and a friend of mine. I really think they would love it. It is an amazing and powerful piece. Taking the Christian walk and entry into eternity and painting a beautiful picture of it with your words!

Wow! Keep Writing! Stay Pesky!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
32
32
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Gavin!

Thanks so much for the review request. First, remember that this is strictly my opinion. I offer advice and suggestions on things to the best of my knowledge with the hopes of helping you to grow as a writer. What you do with the follow is completely up to you.

Initial Thoughts:

I am intrigued. I have never heard of such a thing as four string for each human and I don't think I would believe such a thing but you caught my attention very quickly right of the bat with the first two lines. Mainly because I have no idea what you're talking about but I would like to know more. Good job.

Things to consider:

1. " who was tired and distraught at many points of day." This sentence is strange to me. I think it should be "distraught because of" not "at" and you need "the day" not just "day"

2. "many months. there was a sudden sound near his ? door, a slight" There are many places where you do this but I will just point out these because the same mistake happens twice in this sentence. Capitalize the first letter of the first word of a new sentence. Also, I am not sure why there is a ? in the middle of this sentence?

3."He tried to run be he couldn't seem to move." "be" should be "but"

Final Thoughts:

Well, this is a depressing story for sure. I think it is relatable in a way. But I think it makes the man look more like a robot than a human. Because the truth is that humans have choices and some people who go through everything that he went through come out stronger and more in tune with their strings if you will. While others do fall into great depression like he did. But theses different outcomes are possible because of free will.

I like that the story does make me think. But it is certainly depressing. I wouldn't suggest anyone reading it on a day that they are feeling down. In fact, I am glad that I waited to read it now and didn't read it two days ago because I was having a bad day two days ago.

Overall, there are stil a few grammar issues and typos that I didn't include. I would suggest running the piece through grammarly.com so that you can try and catch all of the typos. And I always suggest reading it back to my students. You are more likely to catch your mistakes and typoes that way.

Thanks again for the review request. I hope that it is what you are looking for. And you mentioned possible future pieces to review, I look forward to reading those as well!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi! This is review number three of five that I owe you! I am slowly making progress on these! I actually got 2 in one day! Wow! It is a miracle! I still owe you two more and I am ready to do them as soon as I have 15 minutes free (at least) to read and write a quick review.

The following are my thoughts and you can do with them what you will.

Here are a few sections to look at:

I think she's warming to me" I think she is warming up to me is generally what I would say. So this phrase sounds strange to me when I read it.


"I flinched and ducked behind a giant marbled pillar of myself" I don't understand this sentence. The "of myself" part is what doesn't make sense to me. Maybe it is a mistake?


Overall thoughts:

I really liked how the characters at times seemed just like two normal people who didn't have superpowers or anything. At times, it just seemed like a boy liked a girl and was trying to woo her. But then at other times, it is very obvious that these aren't ordinary people.

*Laugh* I like the ending "like I've always said, all my best work is done on Saturday." Cute.

I really like this story. It is cute and unique because it is written using the zodiac signs. I don't know anything about that except what my sign is but it is really interesting to see this story of a boy trying to win over a girl twisted with superheroes/villians PLUS the zodiac.

Nice job on keeping it interesting even though it was kind of long, I really did want to keep reading. You did a nice job of making the characters fun and interesting. And like I said before, it was just a really good read with a nice twisted combination of "typical" story topics (falling in love and good vs. evil.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
34
34
Review of Déjà Vu  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi! This is my second of 5 reviews that I owe you! Thanks so much for being patient with me. Traveling for a month to spend time with my family that I haven't seen in almost 4 years is exhausting. I promise I will get them all finished before you help host and judge my contest.

Here are my initial thoughts:

1. I found it interesting that you named the character Coal, like the coal we burn for fuel and not the Cole that we usually use for spelling names. Not sure if there is a purpose for this, I haven't finished reading yet.

2. Moe, Larry, and Curly... nice.

3. The line about scratching the door makes my skin crawl and my fingers hurt.

Overall:

Wow! This is such a great story! I hate that it just ends like that. Haha... but I am sure you have a reason for that. I didn't find any grammar problems or typos but that doesn't mean they don't exist. It simply means that I was lost in story and didn't see any while I was reading.

I really did enjoy this read and I believe that if you wanted to continue this, you could stretch it out and make a really good sci-fi novel out of the idea that you have here. And I know for a fact that the world needs a few more good pieces of sci-fi literature. I think you could do it for sure!

I would say, keep working on this because it is pretty awesome! I certainly enjoyed this read.

Keep writing and stay pesky!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
35
35
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is my first of five reviews you won from Krysha's Winter Auction.

I really wish that I had some good advice for making this piece better but after reading through it, I can't find anything wrong with it.

This is a perfectly adorable piece. I love how you make it sound like it from an old black and white detective movie. It is also really interesting how you choose words like Big House making it sounds like a prison but it's all in the kids imagination.

I just really enjoyed this story! Thanks so much for sharing and asking me to review it!

Keep writing and stay pesky!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
36
36
Rated: E | (4.0)
First of all, thanks for requesting a review. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to actually get the review finished but here it is.

As I am sure you are aware, the following contains my thoughts and opinions on the piece you requested that I review and should only be used as you see fit.

Now that that is out of the way, here are my initial thoughts:

I feel like the plane crash scene is a little rushed. I start to picture it in my mind and then it is over before the pictures really become clear. I think this could be because of limited word count or maybe because it isn't the main focus but if you could, I would add a bit more description to this part.



Grammar and other mistakes or things to consider:


"At five years of age Ellie was a bright" comma after age.

"She was always well behaved and never bad tempered." bad-tempered needs a hyphen.

"They considered leaving Ellie with her grand parents but she wanted to go with them" grandparents should be one word.

" usual Ellie took it all in her stride" comma after usual. I also think this sentences sounds odd. Normally, it would be she took it is strides. Maybe this is fine the way it is but because it isn't the usually way I hear this word used, it sounds a bit odd.

"However it was all a little to technical for Ellie to grasp" comma after however. to should be too.

"her suddenly go cold and very frightened" I would add the word 'feel' before very. This is just a personal opinion here.

"They would be out of it in no time. Then he told everyone to sit and fasten their seatbelts." I would make this two sentences and seatbelts is one word.

". At the weekends her grandparents would" on the weekends, not at.

" decided to move nearer the sea. " to the sea

These are just a few of the mistakes that I found while reading through. If you would like a complete list of the mistakes or things to look at, reply to the email and I will send the rest to you in an email. There are about 30 mistakes, many of them are punctuation mistakes that I can send you if you would like. There are several typos as well. I would suggest using something like grammarly but I will find and mark all of them if you prefer.

Final thoughts, this is a really interesting story. I wasn't exactly sure how it was going to end. I think you are left to assume that she died and that was the only way for her to get rid of the demon. This isn't my normal preferred reading type but it was entertaining and I read all the way to the end just because I was curious as to how it would end.

The typos and grammar throw me off a bit but the story is good. Keep writing and contact me if you want more info about the grammar and typos.

Thanks for your request!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
37
37
Review of Crossing Over  
Rated: E | (5.0)
WOW! For the first attempt at poetry, this is a powerful piece. I am doing this as your second review credit for the Pretty Pesky Raffle, three more to go.

I chose this because it said it was your first attempt and we had just recently talked about you starting to write poetry. I wanted to see what a difference there was in your first and most recent poem that I have already reviewed and the difference is drastic!

I like both styles but I love this vividness of this poem. I honestly don't think I can make any suggestions for this poem because I think it is perfect!

The descriptions, the visualization, and the story itself are all amazing! Thanks so much for sharing! I am even more excited to see what else your portfolio holds for me to discover!

Keep Writing! Stay Pesky!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
38
38
Review of Grace Unto Thee  
Rated: E | (4.5)
First, congrats on winning writer's cramp with this!

Second, my review:

I think this piece is very good. The flow is almost completely unbroken. The rhyming is magnificent and your way of turning phrases and creating phrases is most certainly an art form.

Bravo to you my friend!

Keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
39
39
Rated: E | (3.0)
First Impression:

As I started to read, I was a little confused by the setting. I can't tell if it is present day or distant future. You haven't set the scene for me so I can't picture it in my head. The only thing I can really imagine is a phone and two figurines that I think are people talking to each other with the phone. I can see the seasons change but since I don't know what planet they are on, even that is difficult.

The second thing that I noticed is that your story is exactly how you wrote it, individual sentences with individual ideas. No paragraphs, no complete descriptions or thoughts.

You change so quickly between topics that I don't understand one topic before moving to the next.

Overall thoughts:

I think the story has real potential but right now, it reads more like an outline for a book, not a an actual story. Some of your descriptions are great but you don't give enough details or information. You have thrown two characters at me with no information about them, no descriptions, not even a name.

I think you could turn this into a book or even just a longer short story. But it will take a lot of work. I think you should start by coming up with a solid plot and figure out where the story starts, how it flows and where it finishes.

I hope that you won't be discouraged by this review because I do think you have something interesting and unique here. I just think it has a long ways to go because right now, it is just a little difficult to read because it's more like scattered thoughts than an actual story.

I truly hope this is helpful and that you will continue to work on this piece because it successfully caught my attention, now you just have to make it better. If you make any changes, send me another review request and I will happily oblige.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
40
40
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Bravo! This is a brilliant idea. It is so fun and creative! And I am impressed, it seemed that in The Who 50 or so who have entered there has only been one or two mistakes.

It is so much fun to go through and read these. I just spent like ten minutes just reading everything posted and watching the topic change. I. Cannot help but laugh. Thanks for sharing! Wonderful idea!
41
41
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wow, this is a poem filled with emotions. Happiness and excitement, emotions of a long gone past, followed by the sadness of possibly never seeing snow again.

Interesting piece because it seems to start with rhyming but eventually ends in free verse.

keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
42
42
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Haha... this is such a cute piece! The rhyming is basically perfect, even with some of the difficult words you used. It reads like Dr. Sues. It is really a great little piece.

One thing to look at:

I think this should be Bitty: Now, Bitt was the Mayor of Pretty.

Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
43
43
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! I love how the whole time you are reading you are thinking about a soldier going off to war and then in the end, it is about going to a new school. That is great. I also think it is really sweet that you dedicated it to your students. Such an sweet teacher.

The flow is perfect and the rhymes are great. I can't find anything to suggest because it is such a well written piece.

Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
44
44
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Well, sometimes you just have to face reality. It is a point that most people will reach or have already reached in their life and it is nice to know that you aren't the only one going through it.

Overall, it is a solid poem. I am new to poetry and I don't usually write free verse but this one, I like.

One Suggestion:
You might want to say "disappointment as being interwoven".


Keep Writing and if you are writing from personal experience, keep fighting! Don't regret!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
45
45
Review of Woman from Norse  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Haha... this is funny. Short, sweet and to the point.

The flow would be better if you removed the word young and used said no, instead of told her no.

Either way, it is pretty good.

Keep writing!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
46
46
Review of Burning Leaves  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I feel loke it should say tomorrow's hopes. I know you need the ' but the s on hope may be a mater of opinion.

I don't know much about trees but you say birch of maple. aren't those two different types of trees? Should it be branches of oak?

It is a nice little poem. Most people write about the pretty color or leaves not burning them. Nice twist. I enjoyed it. Tha.ks for sharing!

Keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
47
47
Review of Shut Up Shut Up  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Well, I definitely have to give you am A for creativity and it really does seem to fit quite perfectly with the tune of the song.

It is entertaining and funny. I don't see any thing that seems to cause any problems there are a few places that it seems like you were going to rhyme but decided not to like when you use the word crap.

Either way, it is pretty funny and I enjoyed sitting here trying to sing it. Haha...

Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
48
48
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

Well, your writing style intrigues me. I am not sure what it has to do with school though it is pretty depressing. But, overall, it is a good read. It is easy to read and pretty easy to understand.

I don't see any major grammar or spelling mistakes. Though I don't agree with the content, I still enjoyed reading it.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
49
49
Review of Missing You..  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello,

Please remember these are my opinions alone. First of all, I am a little confused, why you chose breath. When I think of friends, even close friends I wouldn't think of breath. But your whole poem revolves around air and breath and I just don't understand.

Something people always get me on with my poetry and writing is repetitive words. You use the word away twice in the same stanza. You also end four lines in the word day. You repeat breath and air often as well. I know it is a short poem but there are many words in the English language, may try to find some different words since your focus isn't rhyming, that makes choosing words easier.

Finally, when you are writing, it is best not to use things like lower case "i" when using it as a pronoun. Or "ur" instead of "your". Just because it isn't correct writing unless you are writing a text message.

Please don't let my criticism discourage you. I can tell you are a young writer with a lot to learn, I am as well. Stay on this site, keep writing and learn from what people tell you and suggest to you. We might not always be right and in the end, you are the poet, you decide what is right and wrong.

Happy Writing! Keep Sharing! :D


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
50
50
Review of Black Heart  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Aww... I had to have my cat put to sleep a few years ago. It was terrible. I am so sorry that that you had to go through this.

This writing is so simple and yet it makes my heart hurt. The words are few but the impact is great.

It brings back terribly painful memories.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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