*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/octobersun2
Review Requests: ON
4,409 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
In each review, I aim to tell you what I liked best first. Second, I will give you some suggestions, if I think they are needed. I will give you some pointers for grammar or spelling if needed, but if the whole story is in need of grammar and spelling fixes, I will only give you 1-2 examples.
Favorite Genres
Any rating and genre is fine.
Favorite Item Types
You can ask me for reviews for short stories up to 2,000 words. First drafts with an ending are fine.
Least Favorite Item Types
I have no clue how to judge if your poetry is any good.
I will not review...
Do not ask me to review unfinished drafts without an attempt at an ending. Do not ask me to review anything with violence toward children or women. For each of those events, I will stop reading, rate 1 star, and you will forfeit your gift points. That is the contract you enter into if you request a review from me.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ruwth,

I don't think this can be made any better. This is brilliant. Your honesty about your feelings at the time. The simple act of just doing what you wanted to do. That man picking up and being, in a way, all that you called for. It's just brilliant. I wouldn't be surprised if he got called a few times.
And, although he obviously wasn't Jesus himself, just the fact that he picked up the phone and talked to you gave you a whole new mindset, even if just for a few minutes. His simple "hello," your outlandish, yet logical reason to dial his number, it all fits together.
As you know, I am not religious, but I am not a denier of things that worked out the way they did because the universe, God, fate, or the fairies designed it like that.
Maybe he never paid any attention to it, but he certainly knew after your phonecall that he was picking up the phone for Jesus. He changed your life in that moment and you changed his life. Or he changed his number after that because it was too much responsibility?
I bet he still tells the story of the day a woman called him to speak to Jesus.

I'm sorry, my review stinks in terms of writing critique. I think your writing style fits this piece perfectly. That means I have no issues with it at all. I read it over a second time with editor eyes turned on, but I can't even find a comma out of place.

Annette.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Epiehl


You speak Sport. That is a language that I have never learned. At least most of it is understandable even without fully knowing what all of it means. For instance, I understand what "made it a 4-6 game" means. But I have no clue what to picture when it says "Barrie also had two assists." That is a shortcoming I have. Not you.

Aside from my own Sport cluelessness, this piece is well written. I can imagine this being written up in the sports section of a newspaper or spoken during the sports segment of the evening news on TV. All of those details are useful to followers of the Toronto Maple Leaf club and fans of the Buffalo Sabres.

I wonder why you wrote this. As an exercise? To keep track of your favorite team? Or were you on that team or in the audience? Sports news are fleeting in that talking about a game becomes old news the minute the next game starts. Of course, sports statistics are there to stay and all those details fall under that header.

*Fire* Annette *Fire*
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Halloween Night  
Review by Annette
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Mastiff

Thank you for your entry into the Naughty Quickie with the
Round 1 prompt: "What happens while decorating for Halloween?"

Nice! I like it! I don't even know what else to say. You did really good here with this scene on a Halloween night. I really felt that I was the proverbial fly on the wall, watching what was going on. Although the story was told in first person, as a reader, I found it very visual, colorful, and peaceful.

Had fun this time? Come back for more.

 
FORUM
Naughty Quickie  (18+)
Write me a hot story in up to 2069 words every month.
#2235535 by Annette


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Spellbound  
Review by Annette
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello KingsSideCastle

Thank you for your entry into the Naughty Quickie with the
Round 1 prompt: "What happens while decorating for Halloween?"

That was a great story! I like how you started off with a completely different tone from the ending. You created a really great scene there that felt very real. It didn't feel threatening, but real. Very well done.
The one thing you have to look out for when writing is to keep to the same tense. Choose present tense or past tense and then stay consistent through the whole story.

Had fun this time? Come back for more.

 
FORUM
Naughty Quickie  (18+)
Write me a hot story in up to 2069 words every month.
#2235535 by Annette


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by Annette
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello dog pack:saving4 premium renew

Thank you for your entry into the Naughty Quickie with the
Round 1 prompt: "What happens while decorating for Halloween?"

The wolf orgy was unexpected. I kind of thought that the sensations were a little over the top, but it didn't dawn on me what I was really looking at until the last line.

I have to say, I don't fully understand why there are sweaty volunteers, which indicates human people, but those in the party are wolves? And where does it intersect? Or not?

Had fun this time? Come back for more.

 
FORUM
Naughty Quickie  (18+)
Write me a hot story in up to 2069 words every month.
#2235535 by Annette


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review by Annette
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello sindbad

Thank you for your entry into the Naughty Quickie with the
Round 1 prompt: "What happens while decorating for Halloween?"


You definitely combined a story with sex and scary parts, but where is the part where the people decorate for Halloween?

Had fun this time? Come back for more.

 
FORUM
Naughty Quickie  (18+)
Write me a hot story in up to 2069 words every month.
#2235535 by Annette



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of There to Here  
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a "The WDC Angel Army review.

Hello Jacky


Aw. That was kind of cute. The book lovers become lovers to one another. The ending of the story started foreshadowing for me when Henry and Stella got married, but that is only a couple of sentences before the final reveal, so it's not too early in the story.

This little bit of flash fiction encompasses several years in the lives of four people, but it doesn't feel rushed because you took great care to describe each of them with enough detail to make them come alive as their own person before moving on in the plot. This is a good example of show don't tell. Yes, you tell the reader that Stella is a retired teacher, but that fact is a show instead of a tell the way I read it. We all had teachers and we all have a notion of what a retired teacher might be like, so Stella gets a whole life story infused in those few words.
Henry's life gets a little less description, but it's clear that whatever he does, it's nothing terrible. The first person narrator introduces himself well and gives Angela a simple, but very vivid backstory.

I like happy endings.

Annette
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Cats  
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a "The WDC Angel Army review.

Hello L.A. Grawitch


This was a well-written story of horror, fear, and getting attacked. I could see everything you narrated. The dark street, the pools of light under the streetlights, and the clowder of cats. Clowder is the official name for a group of cats, not herd or pack.

The tension as the character walks through the night is palpable. The fear of getting attacked, the actual attack were gory without being over the top.

I have one suggestion:

To let the reader really feel the twist at the end, I suggest you put the prompt: "A guy becomes worried when he notices the neighborhood cats begin following him" at the bottom of the story, right below your word count. Because I knew what the assailants were, the horror of the story was diluted because I knew the character was dealing with cats. Not knowing is much scarier than knowing.

And one grammar hint:

His voice gruff in the night said." Well, no
You need a comma after said, not a period.
His voice gruff in the night said[,]" Well, no

Annette
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of Fierce Creature  
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a "The WDC Angel Army review.

Hello bkapers


This poem for Julie is very visual to read. It's never fully clear whether Julie is a person or a natural event. Or a person who is a force of nature. Currents, skies, basins ... those are nature words. They make me think of dramatic waterfalls and tall mountains with sweeping views. At the same time, the mention of future desire and days spent apart are more of a human sentiment. Those words make me think Julie is a person that is desired dearly and a reunion with her is expected in the future.

That is some good poetry when there is that much going on in so few words. Really good writing. Also, welcome to Writing.Com.

You have rated this item E for everyone. I suggest to raise the content rating to ASR. Think of the E rating to be the Winnie the Pooh rating. Even very young readers should be able to read it. Some of the violent pulsing and steaming future desire are a little beyond E.

Annette
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is a "The WDC Angel Army review.

Hello Naturalhigh102


The tone and pacing in this short story are fitting for what it would sound like if a preschool child narrated her day to a friend. You nailed that typical "and then" format of storytelling for that age very well. I don't think it is necessary to have spelling or grammar mistakes. If you put those into the story to make it more authentic, then it still doesn't make much sense. Since a preschooler would not write yet, it is perfectly fine to write out what she would say in the way she said it, but write it up in correct English with uppercase first letters at the beginning of sentences for instance.

Overall, I liked your little narration of what a day in preschool is like. It was so refreshing to travel along in an innocent mind. It makes me want to ride the mini sportster and play with finger paints.

The story is rated E for everyone. Maybe it's the season. But the name Annabelle gives the whole story almost like a spooky twist at the end.

Here are a couple of examples where you should clean up the grammar and spelling.

dear,
Dear,

my stuff animals
My stuffed animals

Annette
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Vampire Breath  
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a "The WDC Angel Army review.

Hello Francis R. Jewel


Your poem in the dark and death genres has a lot of imagery. It gave me flashbacks of riding the Return of the Mummy ride at Universal Studios. At one point, the villain of the ride invites the riders to follow him into eternal death. Your line "Immortal death" reminded me of that.
The beginning with the owl eyes is pretty impressive. It always spooky to hear owls in the night and see their eyes in the darkness. They fly so silently, it adds to their mystic appeal.
You have a good bit of dying in here and the appropriate words and phrases to go along with it. Corpse, worms, cold. It all comes together nicely to create a desperate and dark atmosphere.
At the end, I had a little chuckle. "Christian Blood" is funny to me. I wonder if it is extra tasty to a vampire? Then again, after that line comes "Dying in love." I am not sure how those go together.
I'm found your poem by coincidence through the Read and Review function of the site. Welcome to Writing.Com, by the way. You will find that many members here know a lot more about poetry than me. I can only tell you what the words in your poem made me think. I think you might like taking part in this contest: "Dark Dreamscapes Poetry Contest. Simply click on the link, it will take you there.


Annette
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a "The WDC Angel Army review.

Hello Mary Ann MCPhedran


Your description of nature is stunning. I love to go hiking, so your words came to life for me with visuals that you created and my own memories combined. Waterfalls are so majestic to see and hear. You really captured the awe we feel when we're in the presence of so much power and beauty. There is peace and force at work in one same thing.

I love how you guide the reader from an overview to look down and see details. We go from a valley to mossy rocks on the ground. Every detail is vivid.

I have a grammar issue. You have three instances where you mixed up plural (many) and possessive.

The title of your poem:
Echo's In The Valley.
For one, a title does not get a period at the end. (Full stop if you're from the UK.)
The way you wrote the title, echo is in possession of something, but from the context of the title and the poem, you meant to have echo in plural. Your title should read like this:
Echos In The Valley

In the second stanza, you mixed up the plural of trees and what God created.
Tree's stand tall and gently sway
I look at Gods creation as I wander around

Should be:
Trees stand tall and gently sway
I look at God's creation as I wander around


Amazing poetry. It was a very pleasant read. I hope that I will soon be able to be in such nature.

Annette
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Stone Dust  
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a "The WDC Angel Army review.

Hello hullabaloo22


This piece was written almost exactly a year ago. So timely to read it today. Another thing that makes this find a neat coincidence: I only learned yesterday that gargoyles are meant to hold off monsters on Samhain, similar to why there are jack-o-lanterns.

With Halloween, a full moon, 2020, and Saturday all coming together, my family has considered acquiring a gargoyle, but that is not practical. As a substitute, I bought the largest pumpkin I could find. It will get jack-o-lanterned today so that it can protect us.

Your story is not only fitting for the season, it is also very well written. As pointless as it might be to point out what is not there, it's worth mentioning since we are a writing site: I found no typos or grammar issues.

Your story was nicely visual and I enjoyed spending some time with the gargoyle as it readies itself for fight night.

If I may give one bit of constructive critique, I find this sentence a little clunky:
That's what I, a gargoyle, have been created to do.
The reason I find it clunky is that nobody really thinks of themselves as something. Unless, of course, you think of yourself as human when you get ready to do something. In that case, I didn't say anything at all.
To bring this thought full circle, I think the mention of the gargoyle could be either in the title or inserted in another way. For instance, gargoyles usually aren't alone on a building. It could hear other gargoyles. You even write: I've never been able to master the silent snort in all my years of trying. No one around so here goes! This gives you the perfect opportunity to have this gargoyle hear others get ready.

Fun little story. May the gargoyles be ever watchful.

Annette
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Homecoming  
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a "The WDC Angel Army review.

Hello Mastiff


Aw. That was a sweet bit of flash fiction. I am a big believer in revisionist history as a way to make life a little more positive. None of these types of stories take away what happened, but adding that idea that something good happened or even a complete rewrite of a historical event to show it with a fictional, better ending is good mental health care.

The father in this story is at the same time a little emotional, but also very clear in his expectations about the visit. Their conversation before the father leaves for the airport could be a real dialogue that happened exactly in that way.
I also like how the son says he's not living his life that way. It's good to see that others can rise above the real life sad events and choose to keep going with determination.

Annette
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Gossip(2)  
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a "The WDC Angel Army review.

Hello SusanFarmer


I like how you channeled your inner e e cummings and kept everything lowercase. It's also nice to have this haiku nearly devoid of any punctuation.

The flow of the story within goes from very positive language describing green nature growing vivaciously. After the comma, there is a sort of foreshadowing of the final line. Without the last line, it could still be positive, but the tone is slowly turning darker. The last line turns the lights off. The positive beginning has been erased. What was portrayed as good has turned out to be bad. Not for itself, but for everything else.

It was fun to read this haiku several times and really let the colors and the scene setting grow in my inner eye.

Annette
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of Floriage Entry  
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a "The WDC Angel Army review.

Hello Kellie Burke


What a sweet poem. I live in Southern California, so not exactly Japanese weather, but my city has a Cherry Blossom Festival each year. We have a large Japanese community here because Honda has its North American headquarters here, and Toyota used to have their headquarter here before they moved to Texas a few years ago.
Anyways, reading your poem instantly brought back fond memories of going to the Cherry Blossom Festival. There are real cherry trees and they are in bloom. There is a huge Japanese festival with dancers showing traditional dances in colorful clothes. There are crafts and foods, and the local student exchange program with our Japanese sister city tells everyone what they do and how kids can take part.
The festival was cancelled this year because of "you know who," but your poem kind of helped make up for it.

On that day, the air is warm and spring is here. So simple and so true.

Great job giving me something to smile.

Annette
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is a "The WDC Angel Army review.

Hello Xiea


I found a link for this on the Newsfeed, so I came by to check it out.

I like your format. First of all, it's a great idea to have the fundraiser go from the 15th to the next 15th. It makes it different from the usual month format from day 1 through day 30 or 31.
I also like that you choose two activities that change with each round. Running contest or offering activities is expensive and hosts always make good use of extra funds.

For the most part, your page is well set up, but I have some concerns.

The contest will run from the 15th of the current month to the 15th of the next month.
Should be:
The fundraiser will run from the 15th of the current month to the 15th of the next month.

There are 2 part to this fundraiser: the raffle, and the Merit Badges and awardicons' shop. Both are greatly appreciated!
If you are going to treat merit badges as proper nouns that you capitalize, then you should do the same for the awardicons. They are the same type of thing. Grammatically, they should both be lowercase, but for the sake of visibility, capitalizing both makes sense here. You do not need the apostrophe after awardicons. It is plural (many) not possessive.
Why are both greatly appreciated? By whom? Don't you appreciate others taking part?
Should be:
There are 2 parts to this fundraiser: the raffle, and the Merit Badges and Awardicons shop. Your participation in both is greatly appreciated!

The raffle's ticket are 500 GPs each.
Should be:
The raffle tickets are 500 GPs each.

Just let me know waht you want and attach the total GPs to the item.
Should be:
Just let me know what you want and attach the total GPs to the message or email.

When you describe how the funds will be distributed, you add this at the end:
and 10% to this group.
and 20% to this group.

Which group is that? What does "this" group do? Why does it keep 10% and 20%? If you are collecting the GPs to help out with your membership, then that is totally OK, just say it. The more you tell people what happens with the funds you are raising, the more confidence participants will have.

This is a big concern of mine. What do you mean when you promise:
An exclusive MB, please! (25,000 GPs for an exclusive MB.)
"Exclusive" means a merit badge that can only be given out by very specific people or group members. If you have an exclusive MB that can be bought, you should show it on the page.
Any badge that you can give out that you did not get commissioned by Storymistress is a non-exclusive MB.
If you have made a deal with members who can give out exclusive MBs, then you should list which ones those are. There are dozens of badges that you can't promise. You are making this unnecessarily difficult if someone asks for a badge that you can't award.
I suggest you delete this offer or you list exactly which exclusive badges you have access to.

I am giving your forum 3 stars for now. I really want to give you 5 stars. Once you've fixed the grammar errors and have explained where the 10% and 20% go, as well as explained which non-exclusive MBs you can promise, I will delete my rating and give you 5 stars. I want your fundraiser to be super successful, that is why I just took the time to really dig in and give you the best advice I can give. None of this is meant to make you think you are not doing good. I just want it to be the BEST. *Smile*

Annette
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
18
18
Review of Determination  
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a "The WDC Angel Army review.

Hello dobie mom


This was a fun to read flash fiction about a human and someone else. The twist in the end with the threat for future punishment is very good and came unexpected. The lines leading up to the final revelation keep the reader guessing, but after re-reading, the clues are all there. Nobody could say they had not been properly notified.

Good observation of behavior here. It made me smile. Also because I kind of imagine what it will be like to see the narrator receive the punishment that you foreshadowed.

I don't know how strict the contest requirement was, but instead of inserting "are you laughing at me?" you wrote “are you making fun of me?” Those are similar, but not same. Usually, when there is a prompt that is so specific, it is best to stick to it word by word.

Annette
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Infinitely Great!  
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a "The WDC Angel Army review.

Hello Fynacious


I only joined Writing.Com in 2008, so this eighth birthday party for the site went woosh over my head. I was very slow on the uptake on the many social activities around the site.

It makes so much sense to have a Mobius strip poem for eight years. Your poem is 100% without fault. It has a nice festive feel through the words and the addition of the ribbons on top and below for visual appeal.

This might be a small thing, but I noticed that you submitted it and then modified it once a minute later and then never again. I keep having to change things in my writing as I keep finding mistakes. This poem and its professional presentation prove how good of a writer you are.

Now that we have 20 years of Writing.Com, we can only hope the site keeps going for a long long time.

Annette
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
20
20
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a "The WDC Angel Army review.

Hello iKïyå§ama


I had a vague memory that The Angel Army gives out paid memberships. I had no idea how many there were. 447 is a pretty large number across 12 years.
This makes me want to keep fundraising for the group so that this part of the Angle Army can keep doing its good work.

Annette
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.
21
21
Review by Annette
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great job fixing the typos. I've changed my rating to five stars for this fun, surreal story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a "The WDC Angel Army review.

Hello Winchester Jones


This was a fun piece to read. Lots of action. The play on the names and the way Joe talks to Joseph Santini at the end really get that part of the humor used to its fullest extent, but never over-doing it.

You did very well setting the scene when you introduced Joe and his troubles when he was younger. I see no issues with the storytelling, but there are quite a few typos in the text. I've listed those that I saw below with suggested corrections.

This is my favorite part because I knew not only exactly where I was, but also who Joe "JayJay" is as a person: "DMV in Encino." I live south of Los Angeles and reading the city name Encino gives me immediately that Valley feeling. And Joe's 16 years at the DMV say so much about him as a person, his ambitions, his way to live, and although you don't mention that he is overweight now, it's kind of a given from the way you describe him as a child.

This is confusing. How are they both on the driver's side? "“Please get in the vehicle on the driver’s side,” Joe instructed. The kid did as he was told and Joe watched him through the window. The kid sat there failing to administer his seatbelt. Joe got in the driver’s side door and left the door open. He put the clipboard on his lap."

"and making a carful left turn" Should be "careful left turn."

"Now the kid was stomping on the break. In the intersection a buss went by" Should be "brake" and "bus."

"His right foot pounded the peddle" Should be "pedal."

If you ever have the time, muse, desire to fix the typos and you let me know, I will adjust the star rating that I gave today. The story is good on its own.

Annette
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Jack,

This is great. You have obviously put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into this.

A couple of things escaped your blinded by the headlights eyes:

The page is still set to 2019. Although. Considering the horrors of 2020, maybe that was intentional?

Question: If anything except body parts are accepted until October 11, what is the 10th witching day when all payments have to be made? Is that November 10th?

You chose some very worthy groups to support and I hope your auction is a bloodbath. I mean, massacre. Uh, gory success.

Ah, what the pumpkin. *Pumpkin2* You got me all mixed up.
24
24
Review by Annette
Rated: E | (5.0)
You are 100% correct.

Personally, I think the country could have done better than Biden, but he is definitely more than only the "not trump" choice.

One thing: president only gets a capital p when it is part of the title: President Biden. If you write about the horrible, useless, selfish, unkind of a farce of a president Mr. Trump is, he gets a lowercase p.

(see what I did there)
25
25
Review of Treasure Hunt  
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a "The WDC Angel Army review.

Hello Jacky


This was a fun treasure hunt. Did you read about that treasure hunt that had been going on for several years with some of those treasure hunters dying in the mountains? I remember a politician had called for the nonsense to end. It did, this year. At least one person isn't having an entirely crummy 2020. The sordid part? The man who hid the treasure died a few days after it was found. *Ghost* Spooky stuff.

I liked the ending. It made Alex and Frank feel younger than what they felt like in the beginning. They came across as very adult. At the end, everything was more playful and lighthearted. This was a good little tale of getting lost and then finding something better.

Annette
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
1,272 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 51 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/octobersun2