|I've started reviewing your journal, I've gotten through the first five entries, I'm hoping to get the rest before tomorrow morning (we'll see how that goes, I've got formal tonight)
Beginning - One July Day
"Beginning - One July Day"
This is very cute, I can't wait to read the rest of the journal.
"running with big black trashbags over our heads"
"running with big black trash bags over our heads"
"no boys, no responsibilities."
"no boys, and no responsibilities."
"but to my little brother and I, it would be an adventure."
"but to my little brother and me, it would be an adventure."
This is such a cute piece! There are a few places where it is a bit awkward at times, and I would suggest reading it over out loud, if you don?t notice anything awkward then don?t change it!
Extremely cute, I'm anticipating reading the rest!
"getting terribly sunburnt in general."
"getting terribly sun burnt in general."
I was kinda amazed "sun burnt was two words.
"before or since been in an airborn car,"
"before or since been in an airborne car,"
"potential interferences by the law."
"potential interference by the law."
I wouldn't change anything. Besides next time being in the car with you . I'm actually jealous that you got a car to do that! Closest I've come was... well... maybe I shouldn't influence the young minds of writing.com
Great piece, I'm curious did you ever tell your parents?
Thank you, thank you so much. Please please please make this into a static item by itself. This is such a powerful story, and unfortunately there a lot of people who experience this and don?t realize what happened. I'm not saying take it out of your journal, heavens no, but more people will read it if it's a static item <- my opinion.
"unresponsive parter for so long"
"unresponsive partner for so long"
"Isn't the gorgeous?"
"Isn't she gorgeous?"
"than I knew what had awaken me."
"than I knew what had awakened me."
I think it might be "then" also, but that one I'm not sure about
"There's a lot of them, but I love them all. I got lucky, we're a really happy family."
"There are a lot of them, but I love them all. I got lucky; we're a really happy family."
"I simply laid with my eyes closed"
"I simply lay with my eyes closed"
"My conscience was repulsed, astounded by"
"My conscience was repulsed; astounded by"
"I laid still at first, afraid I would"
"I laid still at first; afraid I would"
"outside the window, still dark but"
"outside the window; still dark but"
So amazing, I felt like I was there, I wanted to help you, reach out to you. That's what a reader needs to feel.
One word: Perfect.
5 Stars I don't care how many spelling/grammar mistakes there were.
Thank you for sharing such a powerful piece.
Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails
"Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails"
The title confuses me, but it's very cute.
"one of the best techinical artists"
"one of the best technical artists"
"We are giong to sit here until"
"We are going to sit here until"
"Forget it, I don't"
"Forget it; I don't"
"wrong with me, you should"
"wrong with me; you should"
" but I got plently of punishment"
" but I got plenty of punishment"
Great! I wouldn't change anything.
Wonderful story, very cute.
You're stories are all quite cute!
Royal Pain In the Oaks
"Royal Pain In the Oaks"
Awesome title :)
"he called to the laborious bovine" <- I know what you mean, but I don't think that's a word...
"about forty acres, with a barn"
"about forty acres; with a barn"
"joining in alongside we women."
"joining in alongside us women."
Nothing about it I would change.
This piece is really wonderful, thanks for sharing it. You have had such an interesting life!
Five Entries Read So Far:
"Beginning - One July Day" 4.5
"Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails" 4.5
"Royal Pain In the Oaks" 5.0
I'm guessing that's going to remain true while I read the rest of the stories, so I have no qualms in rating it now.
Thanks so much Amanda
-Bart the Omi/Loco/Kitty
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