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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/outlander
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7 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by outlander
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello,
this was simply a delightful read. It was so sad, tragic and painful only to end as wonderfully as you did. I really enjoyed it.
Outlander
2
2
Review by outlander
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
The premise of your play is interesting and intriguing. I really love the revelation of Dorothy's "secret." Your execution in terms of action is dynamic.

There are some "blocking" issues; Karen turns a chair backwards and straddles it. Later she leans back in the chair and puts her feet up on the table. You never have her turn the chair around so what is she leaning against?

Glasses are knocked over yet no one at the table reacts.

There is also the mis-match between Karen's stated motive (wanting her mother to come to her wedding) and her confrontational approach. It diminishes the plays believability.

Good luck with your writing efforts.
Outlander
3
3
Review of The Stumbling Run  
Review by outlander
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Chester,
I really love the title "Stumbling Run." I also enjoyed being dropped directly into the story. It was great for the tension and excitement.

There was a "point of view" issue at the end of the first paragraph. The paragraph begins with Beckett's point of view and ends with the point of view of the dark objects that loomed on either side.

Overall I enjoyed your work and all of the unanswered questions!
Outlander
4
4
Review by outlander
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
this is a really cool story!

My only issue is with your phrase "...oriental skin and scarlet red mystique." I was told that it is inappropriate and rude to use the term "oriental" in reference to a person. It should only the used when referring to an inanimate object.
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