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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pacific_blue
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10 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Letting Go  
Review by Pacific Blue
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I love where this story went. It was very interesting and I especially liked the ending.

I admit that I was a little confused when Tanya's smile was "not a nice one." Then it occurred to me that Trevor had not killed his parents. Tanya did. In addition, the whole exchange about cowboys becoming cowgirls was thrust into a whole new light when the twist was revealed. Clever stuff.

The only thing I would change was instead of telling us that Tanya wanted to make the cowboys into cowgirls just show us through dialogue. It was a good opportunity for more communication between Tanya and Trevor. Just an opinion though as I adore dialogue.

And one other thing that might sound weird. At the end, Sondra is communicating with "Trevor" and then refers to "him" as Tanya. Without a second thought, Sondra has accepted Tanya as the girl she is despite her biological gender. In the narration Sondra even says "the girl's face" (there should be an apostrophe there, by the way). I found that incredibly... respectful of Sondra in regard to Tanya's transgender situation. It was very respectful and I appreciated it from Sondra especially in contrast to Velma's attitude toward Tanya's situation.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Pacific Blue
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love a good sci-fi tale and this one really struck me. I love the ending but I felt a bit confused at first because I didn't know the narrator's name. I still don't. At least I assume he carved his own initials into the rock. I can't be absolutely sure but that's the only thing that makes sense. I do understand that it's a little difficult to include a full name into a first-person narrative but I think even a very brief sentence would have cleared up the ending.

Still, I really liked this. I love the descriptions you use and how you pull the reader in by the smallest sentence. I wanted to stick around and see what happened to this guy and then later I wanted to learn what happened to Jake. It was an effective and well-done technique that kept me reading.

Oh and also you taught me something new: Tephrochronology. I do love to learn new things. *Smile*
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Review of I'm Fine  
Review by Pacific Blue
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is probably my favorite story of yours! I know its a little bit weird but I nearly drowned once as a child and I can tell you that you really speak to the experience. I especially liked the confusion that happened and how Abby didn't know which way was up or down which is absolute truth when you're panicking and blinded by water. I actually swam straight to the bottom of the lake and had to reorient myself from there.

Another thing I loved is how the water "closes" over her. It really does feel that way too. The surface is almost a door to another world and it closes behind you as you dive into the world of fish and sea monsters. That's very much not your world and you briefly wonder if the door would ever open again. Sometimes it feels as though you'll turn and the surface of the water will be thick unbreakable glass, refusing to ever let you leave. Pound all you want little fish but the water wants to keep you.

I really don't have any suggestions for this one and maybe that's just because I love it so much.
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Review of Sunken Hope  
Review by Pacific Blue
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Another great story *Smile*. I love the concept but such a sad tale. You're very good making your stories exude emotion. I don't just read how the characters are feeling. I feel alongside them.

A quick suggestion in this pair of sentences: "A young girl with a dimpled grin, flashing green eyes, and a black mop of curls leapt from her hiding place in the old woman’s mind. Her eyes begin to water."

In that last sentence: did the young girl's eyes begin to water or the old woman's? I wondered to myself if you left it ambiguous on purpose or if I just misunderstood but I think that in using "her" to describe the young girl in the previous sentence and then using "her" again so close in the next sentence left some confusion as to whose eyes were watering. It could have been either but the young girl was grinning and the cold wind was blamed, so I imagine it was the old woman. I still had to read the sentence two or three times to determine that. I think it would've been better if you had just stated that "The woman's eyes began to water."

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