Wow. This poem really moved even though it was so short. I didn't expect something like this from the title. Your imagery is both beautiful and haunting. I would love to be on the receiving end of poetry like this, your girlfriend is very lucky! Interesting choice of imagery, I must say such as the flame and needle. Keep writing it's great!
Thank you for sharing this lovely and honest poem. I really enjoyed reading it and can definitely relate. If you love poetry you should think of joining the poetry ring or Persevering Poets.
Now, back to the poem. Similarities to Joyce Kilmer aside it was well written with a sound rhyme scheme and rhythm. Which of course are often essential for poetry.
I've just immigrated to Australia from South Africa and and so far I love it here. In fact when I read your poem about creepy crawlies I thought "this can only be Australia!" Reading this poem helped me understand a bit about growing up in Australia and I really enjoyed reading it. It was pleasantly nostalgic with some great images such as the eating of mango. ( I love mango, so can totally relate!) Well done and keep it up!
After suffering from clinical depression myself for a few years I can really elate to this poem and I believe you have done a wonderful job in capturing you emotions. However, my criticism lies with the end of the poem. Your questions somehow don't seem to fit with the est of the poem and become jarring. Perhaps the omition of the fifth stanza altogether could improve it. On the whole though it's a fantastic, heartfelt poem that I enjoyed reading. Keep it up!
When I first started reading this poem I enjoyed it, however as it went on it became almost to drawn out and you seemed to be rhyming just for the sake of it. I was especially jarred when you though in the word "suck"which seemed so harsh compared to the rest of the poem and so unpoetical. I think this poem does have a lot of potential though, you just need to work on it because the ideas are great. Keep on at it!
This is amazing! Weldone, your writing is fantastic and I'm touched that you wrote this about me. Keep writing because you really have a talent, not just for songs but poems too. I love the simplicity of it hich enhances the piece. Thanks for writing this for me. It's very special. I love you!
I loevd this poem! The imagery here is really amazing. It's short so I don't have much to say but on the whole I think you've created a fantastic poem. No errors that I can see here. You have really caprtured the idea of being at sea and your rhyme scheme is sound. Well done and keep at it!
This is amazing! It's been a while since I read a poem I enjoyed so much and was so touched by. The questions at the end of each stanza make it particularly poignant. There's also some fabulous imagery woven through it all.
This is a nice poem but I feel that it's more prose that poetry, just structured like poetry. The idea is nice though and some of the lines are lovely I think you should just decide wether you want it to be a poem or another piece of writing which could perhaps make it stronger/ Keep it up!
For such a shoprt poem there is something magical about it. I really enjoyed this poem although I'm not too sure what "wriths" are. Did you mean wreaths? Your structure adds to the poem and you have created a wonderful, ethereal image here. I'm impressed. Keep writing!
This is a really great poem, especially for a newbie! I love the way you have structured your poem it makes it really different and refreshing.On the whole your poem i s well written with some wonderful imagery and you have really captured your emotions. I can feel what you are going through.
I am amazed that you can write something so technically sound just for fun. This poem is really good, which I guess is a bit of an understatement. You've definitely captured that whimsical feel and as what seems per usual, created some lovely images of the forest. Thanks for sharing and keep it up!
My favourite part: "In a bed of leaves we whispered love;
A gentle breeze cooling and sweet."
Another exceptional piece of writing which i stubled on sort of accidently and am now so glad i did. Your imagery here is so vivid that for a few blissful moments I became lost in the world you had created. Your writing on the whole is really strong and I love your use of words. You really have a knack with them that I've seen in your poetry too. Thanks for sharing. It was enjoyable as ice-cream.
My favourite part: "Whitetail deer graze with such muted gracefulness,"
Wow. I must say I'm not sure what to say exactly but this is a wonderful poem. You should never hesitate to post a poem. The people here are wonderful and will always give constructive and creative criticism, not just criticism. This is a unique and well written poem with an interesying spin. Keep it up and don't be afraid!
I must say i enjoyed this short pice of writing a lot but feel that it is not reaching its full potential. I would have loved to have contnued reading this work and was disapointed wen it came to the end. You should really try and extend it because it is a lovely idea. Keep it up!
Thank you for sharing this lovely, inspirational poem. I really enjoyed reading it and found that it lifted my spirit. You have a sound rhyme scheme that makes the poem pleasant and gives it a lovely flow. In a world of so much negativity it's lovely to be able to read poems like this! Keep writing and making the rest of us smile!
This is a soundly written poem with a strong structure and neat, easy to read structure. Your message comes across clearly and honestly that makes it simple but at the same time it does not lose its beauty or emotion. Well done on writing such a succesful poem! Keep it up!
This is a really beautifully written, well expressed and powerful poem. I was very impressed when I read it! Your imagery is so stark and strong that you can smeel the dirt and feel the storm coming. The whole poem is just brewing with emotion that appears to be on the verge of spilling over. Don't set any more poems on fire you really have a talent!
This is a sweet poem and I enjoyed reading it as it was quite whimsical and floaty. You have some enjoyable imagery and a nice idea although i think it could be developed further. I'd be happy to read your edited version should you chose to. I just feel it lacks depth. Otherwise it's a solid poem. Keep writing!
This poem really made me laugh and it also made me crave chocolate. I think so many poeple will be able to realte. I mean who doesn't like chocolate? So the idea behind the poem is good. I just feel that the poem itself is a bit superficial and lacks sincerity. Although it has a lot of potential so work on it and I'm sure it'll be great! Keep it up!
I loved this poem! i'm still in school so I could really relate. Becaue I'm at boarding school my teachers really are like my parents and as I look back over my school career I can see how important they've been and what a pertinent role they have played.
Your poem itself is well written and it made me laugh. Perfect free verse.
Wow. This is a really powerful and well written poem. I love your use of imagery with the locusts decending like a cloud and your repition of the word "going." It gives the poem great flow and rythmn. This is a strong, well written poem.
My favourite part: "the apocalypse was nigh--
that the horsemen would ride."
Fabulous! I loved this poem. It is so unique and wonderfull written. It has an interesting start, one doesn't usually expect a "dry kiss." Your poem flows fluidly and smoothly and your ideas are capture beautifully. I love how you've created this poem out of seperate words. It's simply magical. Well done!
An interesting poem that I enjoyed although at the same time struggled with. I understand it's free verse but perhaps you've let yourself go a bit too much there. Parts of it become confusing and the reader gets lost. Other than that you have some great ideas and imagery it just needs a little work. Keep it up I'd love to read it when it's done.
I find that often short poems tend be ineffective as a lot of writers struggle to get across their meaning in such a short poem.
However your poem is the total opposite. The fact that it is short doesn't mean it loses its impact. It's short and yet beautifully poignant at the same time. However I would work on some of your grammer and perhaps seperate some of your sentences so that they are clearer.
My favourite part: "And when I breathe you in the air will never smell so sweet."
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