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26
26
Review by penn
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ok, this made me want to read the next one and see what the girls are up to - and, what evil lurks for Liz.

I might have carried the "what happened last night" part out a little. Let her seed it a little so we feel like it was going ok until the claws thing.
27
27
Review by penn
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This was fun and you do a nice job with painting pictures. I particularly like the "almost flowers". A couple of things I see.

The beginning is choppy. Eyes have to keep jumping to the next lines. Might be a couple of those could be combined into one paragraph. But then, the pargraphs get longer but there's no spacing. Get's hard to keep readjusting.

One place, he had taken a seat but then took a step back. You might need to stand him up first.

This sentence needs some punctuation. "There were loose stones on the wall steps he slipped and a couple of stones broke lose from the steps and fell hitting the sidewalk 10 feet below with a clatter."

Terrific irony. You did a nice job of making a...what is this? A parady? I'm not sure if that's the right term...anyway, good job of taking an old story and making it new.
28
28
Review of Break Free  
Review by penn
Rated: E | (3.0)
Ok, poetry is tough for me...but here's what I feel.

Treason is a transgression by the person committing it....being teased and mocked without reason would denote a victim, not a culprit. So, the first stanza (is that a stanza?) doesn't seem to work for me.

"glisten" is a word that suggests a positive sense but you write of malice and hatred. Glisten seems incongruous with those terms.

You get gp's because I could feel a tune.

I get a feeling a couple of words were chosen because they fit the rhyme scheme rather than what you were feeling?
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