*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/peps
Review Requests: ON
25 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Ark!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Bubblegum Jones writes on hairstyles or does he (if a he)?
A few things to think about for him and what in the world is the last paragraph in his piece "Daniel and his people?
well-known In the stead of two words?
letdown (One word?)
use = used (typo?)
Some like to wear their hair in the most offensive way possible and some like to stand out in a crowd. I myself simply like to go as I was born.
What in the heck was that least paragraph? *Laugh*
On the rebound,

Signature for general use.
2
2
Review by Ark!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Amy, I read your welcome sample "Welcome Post For Transition To Success several times. I have a question off the go and it is: Is the group really about you or would the message work better if it read:
This group works with business owners...
Hmm I need to visit the group to really be objective in regards to the welcome message but it is well written. Not too long and gets the message across.

I might have written something about positive growth or progress for businesses. Perhaps tools for those changes to be used like discussions of rules and communication and the nature of risks all about increasing the worth of the particular business in the discussion.

I think this sample a good start that can go places if you continue to work on it over time.

Best of luck with your business,


Signature for general use.
3
3
Review of Infatuation  
Review by Ark!
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
No matter how long you ignore me
Pretend that I do not exist
Those times we kissed
Only you forever I could see

See what could not be told
What I could not explain
You were my soul insane
yet only fourteen years old

Only for you there was no end
End only you could bring
Like a knife through my heart did sting
But not for you to send

Infatuation
A cause for the jealous worse
To make for more misery in their purse
A purse for the world upon examination

To misunderstand a man
Now just a waning fan

A compliment for elizjohn to his poem "Infatuation
Thank You,

Signature for general use.
4
4
Review by Ark!
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a superb stream of thought on the idea of solipsism. Penned by ImSomi this stream had me glued stopping only at some spelling and grammar mishap spots.
"The Wall That Speaks To Me is a mastery of the idea behind the thoughts of the author.
I will be reading it once more and then perhaps more because it is that kind of writing.
To be polished off with these corrections:
They dont trust, nor do they believe. = don't
probably cause they = because
Have I been to set = too
that we dont agree, = don't
naught of breakdowns by mind self destructs = self-destructs (?)
Box after box… self after me… blood poor, = pour
“ZFZHZHZHFHZHHFHZDHZH = ZF (ZH? etc..?)
I felt a shock = (feel?)
Utopias cant exist in one = can't
^3$2D93Dvi)I I don't know how = one I
what lays beneath, = (lies?)
as I wait expectantly, and I don't fully understand why. (check that line)
believes. I guess seeing myself in my = beliefs

ImSomi, thank you for the opportunity to help you out and best of luck - this is a gem!

Signature for general use.
5
5
Review of Coincidence  
Review by Ark!
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hmm a very short story and perhaps too short as lots of opportunities for interesting writing were missed. This story "Coincidence by Ourkidd seemed very rushed. Also something seemed missing, perhaps the appeal to emotions. It was written in a sort of 'flat' style with a strong taste for British language. Not really for me but keep on working on it and look for opportunities for emotional appeal. Make me laugh or cry or at least swing my mood *Laugh*
Best of luck,
Signature for general use.
6
6
Review by Ark!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Bedilah I like this poem "Rule of the Black King .
I like how the repetition is used. That makes it like a song.
A cruel king with absolute power hmm so be it then...
I wish the body of the poem were more clear because even with the description I have difficulty with clarity of the title in the poetry but sometimes and even though I myself write I do miss it.
Best of luck,

Signature for general use.
7
7
Review of Misfit  
Review by Ark!
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Kay tells us in her cute short poem how special or different she is.
"Misfit uses the first person reference a lot but then when you write about me is it no proper to emphasize the me me me *Laugh*

When we grow we begin to understand the commonalities we all share (and there is a lot) and you come to learn that is truth *ThumbsUpR* and what really matters.

We need to be careful pointing to our differences because there are hundreds of bits and pieces of us that are alike and when we acknowledge that we come to terms with reality.

This is certainly a cute and well thought out poem.
Keep em coming..

Signature for general use.
8
8
Review by Ark!
Rated: E | (5.0)
hahaha Go as Lady Godiva on horseback wearing a long red wig & nothing else! (I did it once with a body suit-you can too) that would be the hit of the party I believe. At least with the people I would go with hahaha. This was a cute up mood poll.
Thanks AJBurchell-DownUnder for this fun poll "A Meaningless Poll for A Slow Day!

Signature for general use.
9
9
Review of Overt  
Review by Ark!
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Laugh* this is funny and cute and comedy in poetry is not an easy task you need a talent for it and especially in a short poem wow! I thought I had a trick up my sleeve when I wrote my entry to this contest until I read "Overt penned by Mastiff
I wish the best of luck upon you

Signature for general use.
10
10
Review of Scent of Rain  
Review by Ark!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Wonder Queen Sox tis little gem shines. "Scent of Rain captures the rainfall on the hot summer day.
I might consider the last line. There may be a way to work it without using the word scent.
Relaxing renewal?
I don't know for sure but was wanting a bit more there although it works fine as is.
The short poems are not easy at all as every word matters.
Thanks for bringing me there.
It is relative!


Signature for general use.
11
11
Review by Ark!
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Maybe give the day a bit more description. and try feeling hopeless instead of forlorn. If you try using different words in place of the ones you have now then opportunities may open up for more. Although I doubt that the story as it stands could be more complete.
Question are:
More words or not
Do you need more
Will more give a better delivery
Do you desire a flash experience

I like it how it is, just found 'One day' too ordinary for an extraordinary experience and that may be the key. You are relating an experience.

Try changing some key words and phrases
Aside from what I already proposed how about 'clear back and forth interaction' what about 'some real contact' Have you read Making Contact by Virginia Satir? She talks about how communication effects worth and how risks and rules do as well. How each effects the other.

But it is awesome as is and I really don't know about improving upon it except to try, then get more opinion. I'm just talking about variation not necessarily better. That would be up to you to decide in the end.

Final word: Stay 100% true to the experience as there is a lot about this on youtube alone *Wink*

ruwth "The Day I Called Jesus is wonderful as is.


Signature for general use.
12
12
Review by Ark!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Sonnet Sonnet
Ya try and squeeze the right words on it
Sometimes in a pinch
Damn, it causes another flinch

But in the end when the message is right
It is poetry and does take flight
All do see that when the music was enlightening
About it we all still do join in with the singing

The message is clear in "Where Did All the Music Go? a Sonnet penned by Norbanus
Perhaps a bit forced but all I can say to that for those who would criticize, is try it!

Good job!


Signature for general use.
13
13
Review of Winter is here  
Review by Ark!
Rated: E | (5.0)
It seems as if for good, once set in, and we are in the middle of it (up north anyhow). I'm not sure that I would have used the word fecundating as it is such a complicated word but does fit well. I found "Winter is here a poetic article written by K.HBey to be well balanced with the life and depression that can be Winter for a lot of people. The English is flawless.
I think if nothing else then it is memories of youth and winter that carry us through winter as we get old and it becomes uncomfortable.


Signature for general use.
14
14
Review of Megan's Ballroom  
Review by Ark!
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I am pleased to leave an entry here, Megan. To a life of accomplishments I bow to you. Hoping to see more of you on my journey about WDC. Thank you for coming by my portfolio. I see you have been around WDC a long time and perhaps I can learn very much on the navigation of this very comprehensive land from you and others alike.
Peace

Signature for general use.
15
15
Review by Ark!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Magoo this poem although well done felt a bit odd to me and it took me awhile to figure why.
"My Grandparents like to Babysit is written as if the toddler is speaking or thinking in the first person.

She straps me in the highest chair;
I'm trapped just like a thief in there.
She tries to feed me gooey stuff,
but I escape, run in the buff.

I strap you in the highest char;
You're trapped just like a thief in there.
I try to feed you gooey stuff,
but you escape, run in the buff.

I'm thinking as if I am reading the poem to a, or the child.

My thoughts I hope helpful.

Signature for general use.
16
16
Review by Ark!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Just seeing the title of this humorous sort of ode brought a smile to my face. To read "Oh Darling Sweet Darling was certain cause for the smile to grow. It is said that humor in poetry is a most difficult venture but lezismore-with 2020 vision makes it a sure accomplishment well worth the reading and deserving of the ribbon attached to it.
It can be seen, heard and tasted...*BigSmile*
A pleasure for this early morning.

End..
17
17
Review of Invincible  
Review by Ark!
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ahh yes, and I am among em too. Lucky to be alive at all is fair to say.
A Sonnet with a modern taste or so close to one a difference difficult to say.
But the content ahh so true of so many in their youth.
A very smooth and well consumed reading.
Thank you Norbanus for this input of a truth in life or at least most of us.
"Invincible is certainly deserving of the blue ribbon that it dons.
End..
18
18
Review of Abandoned Piano  
Review by Ark!
Rated: E | (5.0)
It was I who abandoned you
My youth was for the melody
Your strings hammered out
Overlapping rows of chords
Never yet a vocal would sing
Nor ever did during those recitals
But without notes to read, I was read
And applause was so strange
As my brothers and sisters could only stare
I left you there amidst the claps and hoots
Never to return as my gold star earned
It is still there on my forehead
At times like this I can feel it
And yearn for another chance at success
But I had already been there
In the loving embrace of piano's care

Thank you Floyd Bellinger for reflections brought on by "Abandoned Piano
End..
19
19
Review of Earth  
Review by Ark!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello amy-Has a great future ahead Never a dull moment on this Earth.
I like the last line in this acrostic as it really stops all to think a lot.
Also I like very much how the base line was entered.
"Earth is masterfully composed.
Thanks,
End..
20
20
Review of Curiosity  
Review by Ark!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Zeke, Curiosity seems to be a risk. Should I satisfy it or not? Big risk, lots of bad may happen or small risk (only I will be effected). Hmm one think for sure, it will be satisfied. And with some luck life will indeed be more full.
Thanks, I like this poem,
End..
20 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/peps