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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/percypeters
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Review of The Business Man  
Review by Percy Peters
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This piece is great. I like its rhythm a lot as I got the sense of the chase happening. You never talk about the main character by description or anything that would depict a gender bias. That leaves it up to the reader; I picture it as a woman, there had been a scuffle, so maybe she was hurt too, clothing was torn maybe? (Maybe I just watch Criminal Minds too much) Me being able to pull that from nothing shows strength in the little tidbits of descriptions you've provided about the person doing the chasing.

If I were to pick one area to be critical of, it would be the use of the word "Thing", in the sentence; "I can no longer feel my lower half, my adrenaline is the only thing keeping me from stopping."

It is probably just a pet peeve, and me nitpicking, but the Thing is Adrenaline, and you've already written that, so referring to it again as the "Thing" puts a bump in the rhythm without adding to the story. I hope that makes sense.

Keep up the good work, and I'll look forward to the pending car chase.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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