I don't normally go for this sort of thing, but I quite enjoyed it. The jagged style of speech the protagonist uses got a little old, but was still completely appropriate for the character. It's always interesting to see the story of romance from an unorthodox point of view. The title's perfect--lets you straight into what we're in for. I didn't care for the moments that the narrator addressed the brother ("don't jump up like you're going to hit me", etc)--they felt a little unnecessary, and distracted from what the protag was getting at in the first place. Still: decent enough piece. Well done.
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