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Review by phyduex
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
When the Rats Run Away is a well written piece. It has a post Apoctolyptic feel about it. The only suggestions I might make are mostly those of personal opinion and taste: (single dialogue lines are counted as paragraphs for location ease)

1) paragraph 20: (typo) "My spun around"

2) Several of the sentences follow the same structure. For variety's sake alone, I suggest changing a few words here and there to add interest.

example: a) (Paragraph 10) "I looked up at the sky again, and tried to will a rain cloud to gather." Could be reworded as "I looked up at the sky again, trying to will a rain cloud to gather."

Little "connection" words (and, in, on, the, etc.) can slow an otherwise fast piece down. Try to use them sparingly. In Paragraph 10, again, "smell the rot of the urine and decay" would read just as well without "the" before urine.
I truly enjoyed the piece and offer these suggestions as ideas only, not to undermine your obvious efforts. I hope to read many more of your works in the future, thank you.

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