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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/platofire
Review Requests: OFF
24 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of I Detest Thee  
Review by Aries Writer
Rated: E | (5.0)
This piece is exquisite! Being raised as a military kid, I remember the exact feelings you portray here as I walked down some new school in some new state every three years.

Well done!
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Review by Aries Writer
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
That's not necessarily true. Christians are absolutely certain Jesus is the son of God, and God is the creator. As such, they know all of him through his words written in the Holy Bible; thus their belief is real. The same follows those who are followers of Islam believing in the profit Mohammad and the words spoken by Him in the quran. Then this follows the course as Hinduism to Brahma or any of the myriad religions that have followers of a deity in their forms of beliefs. They all have their own beliefs, based on their own teachings believed to be from their higher power, through which they are certain are accurate.

A belief is just that, a belief. Even not believing in itself can be called its own religion (atheism). As for what you're advocating, that in itself touches on its own belief, agnosticism.

The fact of the matter is religion cannot in itself prove true, nor can science prove it false. You are no more right or wrong in your assertion that God may or may not exist as they are in saying their Gods do or, in the latter two examples, don't, exist.

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Review of Turn the Page  
Review by Aries Writer
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is beautifully written that, while brief, impacts me with just the right amount of emotion and imagery that I can very much relate to.

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Review of The Human Magnet  
Review by Aries Writer
Rated: E | (4.5)
I know exactly how this feels, and have thought exactly the same thing!

In my case, I used to have to drive through a six lane, three stop light town, Bridge City, on my way home from work. Each stop light is roughly two miles between them. Stopping at the second light, I can see clearly to the third light, no traffic between me and it. As the left arrow to my left turns green I can count maybe a dozen cars turn in front of me. I can still see the third stop light.

By the time my light turns green I make it halfway to the third stop light and suddenly it's a traffic jam a mile long. Every, damn, time. I never could figure out how the forces of nature worked that out.

I love this story's accuracy and humor.
5
5
Review by Aries Writer
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great poem, I really like the imagery it invokes, and I love the flow as it moves from beginning to end. I see why it's a WC winner. Though I'm left wondering about those who dream in nightmares and terrors, who also choose to shun the bed.
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Review by Aries Writer
Rated: E | (4.5)
I just finished watching "The Innocence Files" on Netflix yesterday. It really made my blood boil. While Courts SHOULD err on the side of innocence, more often than not, and as has been proven time and time again, the innocent are put in prison simply to put someone there. How great it would be if the world were perfect and the legal system did more to seek justice instead of numbers...
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Review by Aries Writer
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm partial to the sounds of Christmas, though I definitely like the sights and aromas that come with it as well.
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Review of Pick Me  
Review by Aries Writer
Rated: E | (4.0)
Descriptive, simple, flowing. I enjoyed the word play in your poem and how you capture the imagination of the reader to make them sense what you do. The only critique I can see is in the last line; it jarred me a little, feeling like it was forced to fit into the flow of the poem.

It's a nice piece definitely worth the read.
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Review by Aries Writer
Rated: E | (5.0)
I know this is an old poem but I'm only now seeing and reviewing it, I hope you don't mind.

It's both accurate and succinct to the perceptions we have every day of the events that go on around us, some even happening not only across the globe, but often on the other side of the town or city in which we live. I think you captured the feeling and sentiment perfectly.
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Review by Aries Writer
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very beautiful poem all the way through; great writing!

I would suggest adding periods to the ends of your second and third stanzas since you have one at the end of the first, just to give it a more aesthetically pleasing look.
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Review of Yesterday  
Review by Aries Writer
Rated: E | (4.5)
Beautiful, sorrowful.
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12
Review of Inevitable  
Review by Aries Writer
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow! I don't have much to say about this piece other than that; it's just awesome!
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Review of Dear Me - 2014  
Review by Aries Writer
Rated: E | (4.5)
An awesome letter to yourself, and I really like how you plan to implement your goals using SMART; very cool.
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Review of Saved  
Review by Aries Writer
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was an interesting little piece with an amusing end to it. A few things I would mention is the flow in the story between the end of the second paragraph and beginning of the first left me a little confused. It took a second to realize you had gone back to when she first entered the building to explore it. I might suggest changing the first sentence of the third paragraph to read something like:

"It was dark when Callie made the decision to enter what she thought was an abandoned building. Reaching through the nothingness, she found the string to the overhead bulb..."

This might work to help the transition between the current situation and the lead-up it.

In the fourth paragraph you mention she felt like she was on fire; what was she on fire from? did she get bit by a raccoon? Was her ankle or foot being rubbed raw from the broken floor boards that had her trapped? Was it a result from her being force to stand in place for so long? And what was she doing with the jar?

For the fifth paragraph, is there a way to possibly smooth it a little? Maybe reading like,

"It was another hour before she was discovered in the abandoned building by a group of passing campers and their counselor."
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Review by Aries Writer
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, this is really, really great! It's written with wit, an inspiring piece that encapsulates the depressed mood in the beginning and culminating in the last stanza that drives home the finality of the poem in a motivated and smooth way. Each transition follows in a fluid manner that doesn't jerk the reader out of the flow. Well done.
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Review of American Soldier  
Review by Aries Writer
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for your service to our country. *Heart*

The fear and uncertainty coupled with will and determination are very well captured, though it was a little tough trying to find the rhythm.

A good read.
17
17
Review by Aries Writer
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is really good! I get the feeling I'm walking down a sidewalk in the neighborhood, and heading to my house when the storm rolls in.

I can feel the temperature drop, giving a wet chill to the air thats replaced by the waiting soup as I get inside.

Perfect.
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