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68 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Writing in Snow  
Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I love this list! Too many people are not grateful for the small things in life, although it is the small things that make up life. We should be grateful for every breath that we take. That we've been given the chance to love each other. For the beauty in nature that surrounds us every day. These are just a few of the small things that I'm grateful for.
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Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (5.0)
Absolutely loved this. Great rhythm and rhyme also following along with the birthday theme . I especially liked how you involved all the different types of characters in his stories and how they congregated together to celebrate his birthday. Well done! Definitely a winner!
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Review of Fog  
Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Very well done and intriguing. Great descriptions of the emotional feelings she was going through and of her surrounding area. I enjoyed how the shadows kept slipping in-and-out just beyond the peripheral vision. The great start to a story that could continue on and become a thrilling short story or novel.
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Review of Beauty  
Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (5.0)
A wonderful description of the battle in the mind of what a person believes and perceives themself to be as far as the beauty that lies on the outside. If we would only look to the inside and see the beauty that we were born with as with the rose Such misery we place upon ourselves could be diverted. My favorite line is,"Don't let the world change you
You change the world.
A really enjoyable read!
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Review of Survivor  
Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Outstanding!I found the story line to be riveting and the detail very well described as her personal ordeal unfolded. This is a fantastic start to work that could unfold as a story of mystery and survival that would capture the mind and possibly the heart. I would love to read a continuation of where her story leads, the war that is raging outside and how she finds her courage to survive. Well done!
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Review of Thank You, Lord.  
Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really love the essence of this poem! It expresses the love and gratitude we all need to give to God for His grace shown to us every day. Everything is by His hand, eternal life, souls saved and gifts given in this life and beyond. Even the trails are a blessing to be thankful for. I was kind of thrown off by the use of capitalization in some reference to God and not in others... although this is the poets prerogative. As a poet myself I understand the rules are a little lose when comes to form :) Great writing and have a Blessed Day!
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Review of Caverns  
Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! This is such a beautiful poem resonating the choices we make and the consequences they can bring. We can all get stuck in the depths of the shadows that burden our soul, of past choices we made. But we also need to look forward, locking them away so that the brightness of the future can shine above it all. Beautifully written thank you for sharing!
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Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (4.0)
Beautiful words written to the Father, knowing that even though we can not always predict the feelings of others or the situations they're going through, we still keep them in our prayers knowing that God by His power can make any difference when He chooses. Beautiful prayer. thank you for sharing.
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Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (5.0)
A beautiful and deeply intense description of the cemetery. This is a place where some, as you say, will go to visit. Yet, one day we will all wind up there. Your words bring visualization of the fence with leaves trapped against it, the changing of seasons and even epitaphs help to bring this all into a great picture in the mind. Very much enjoyed this!
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Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Payment for Shropshire Sheep package
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Review of In the Beginning  
Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (5.0)
Such an absolutely beautiful description of the starting of all that there is and will ever be. The beginning and the end, an eternal circle wrapping around itself birthed from the mouth of God. I love the line, "Cracked the cosmic egg". Such an inspiring piece thank you for sharing!
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Review of The Adversary  
Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (5.0)
I absolutely loved this! You have taken the story of the fall of man and given it in a new perspective, from the eyes of the deceiver. This was a fresh and invigorating read. I look forward to reviewing more of your work when time permits. Very well done!
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Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (5.0)
I absolutely love this concept, so here is my story for fill in the blank!
Once Upon a Time there was a small dragon, who dreamed of living within the castle walls of the Kingdom outside the forest where he lived. Everyday, he would spread his massive wings and sore high, so not to be seen, staring down into the beautiful courtyard, watching the people as they went about their daily work. One day, the tiny dragon made up his mind it was time to make his presence known. Because of that, a friendship was built with people of the Kingdom, as he vowed to be there protector and guardian. Until finally, the day had come that the king invited the tiny dragon to live within the castle walls, and all his dreams were fulfilled.
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Review of Fighter  
Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like the premise and the feel of the poem.
I'm not an expert on punctuation and perfect form but I have written a lot of poetry so take this as just thoughts from my perspective.

This is how I interpreted what I read:

1. The flow was a little ruff
In the first stanza "knew" should be "know"
I might have written it like this:

Trying to hide inside her pain
a broad smile and talking sane but little did she know herself
Eyes are a mirror to the heart itself

2. In the 1st stanza the first 2 lines rhyme then the 2nd two rhyme
Then you jump to 6 lines rhyming in pairs in the 2nd stanza
The 3rd stanza back to 4 and they don't rhyme.

If you would like to visit my portfolio it might give you an idea of how structure and flow move well in poetry. Like I said I'm no expert so take this or leave it as you would like just trying to be helpful :)

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Review of Canine of Mine  
Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (4.0)
This reminds me of my dogs *Smile* I really enjoyed the premise and feel. Now I'm no expert in form or punctuation when it comes to writing whatsoever yet, some of the verses are long and seem to throw off the flow and rhythm. It was suggested to me to read my poetry out loud to myself and find the areas where it seems to throw off the Cadence. Just a suggestion you can take it or leave it. Have a wonderful evening!

Patrick
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Review of Parting  
Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow! I really enjoyed this. All the emotions that they run through on whether they should keep it should they give it away? I love how you use the phases of the Moon to express the shift in emotions of the person. Then the pain of putting it back where it belongs but knowing this is what you should do. Great work! Have a wonderful evening and keep writing!

Patrick
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Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (5.0)
I appreciate how open you are in sharing a part of your life. I was a few years too young to go to Vietnam, yet when I was in the service I heard many stories from friends who had been there and what it was like in the jungles of that hellhole. I salute you and thank you for your service! What a wonderful thing to get some R&R in a place like Australia.. and on top of it get to spend that time with a beautiful lady running around having fun forgetting all that you left behind for at least 3 days. I'm glad you have this memory and have shared it here for us to experience. Have a wonderful evening!

Patrick
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Review of The Basement  
Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: GC | (4.0)
I believe you have set up a good scenario and plot. With child abuse being so prevalent in society today, both physical and sexual abuse, I believe this will probably hit close to home with many people. There is a good pull of underlying tension that draws you in to want to know what will happen next. It is very descriptive yet I would have a couple of questions.

1. How did you first come to baby sit Tiffany?

2. We know the young girl's name and the father's name but what is yours? Perhaps the girl could call you by name when you're speaking to her.

As for a spelling and punctuation at this point I'm still learning that and it is not my forte :)

I found the story line intriguing and it kept me moving smoothly through the storyline. Looking forward to seeing what happens next! Have a great day and be Blessed!

Patrick
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Review of Oh My Riser!  
Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (5.0)
This made me laugh out loud!
Your a beer?
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Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great read!
I am no expert on punctuation or grammar so I will just give you a description of the impact of the story from my perspective.

A whole different spin on going back in time through the eyes of a school student. Being called on to give a speech and lucking out on the topic was genius! Speaking on the sport teams and their change was something everyone in class could identify with. I actually felt a turning in the pit of my stomach when he was about to describe 9/11.
Yet, saved by the bell!

I would actually love to see a continuation of this.
I look forward to reading more of your work. Be blessed and keep writing!

Patrick
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Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! This was very well written. I am not an expert on punctuation and grammatical errors. Yet, I will try to impart to you the impact the story had on me.

Them speaking on only being able to imagine what colors are, what it would be like to see a tree or watch a movie speaks to the fact of how blessed we are to have sight.

Writing from the perspective and mindset of a person who is not only blind, but doesn't have much time to live is a bold undertaking!
When they answer black as their favorite cover and people don't understand just proves the fact that nobody has taken the time to get to know this individual and the struggles that they deal with everyday.
You can feel the loneliness in their heart when they talk about the funeral and the fact that the care of blue and his feelings mean more than what they are suffering through is a very touching part of the story.

My favorite part was this,"When the light couldn't come any closer it flashed. At that moment I saw it. It was so beautiful. More gorgeous than anyone had ever told me. But I saw it, I saw the sky.

The fact that they got that 1 chance to actually witness the color blue that they had longed to sea and the sky has such a impact.

Over all I just loved the story! It was very descriptive and from a perspective that we probably would never think of looking through... the eyes of another especially when they can't see what we do.

Great job look forward to reading more. Be blessed and keep writing!

Patrick
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Review of Soul-tied  
Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I feel a sense of love lost yet still entwined by a soul connection. That connection keeping you basically stuck in a prison of your own making not being able to move on. Great read!
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Review of Fade  
Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well done! I can feel the depth of loss of love and self.in the end feeling only isolation.
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Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: GC | (5.0)
I enjoyed this. Very real, very heartfelt and I taking it very personal. The best poetry comes from some of the hardest times in our lives I knew this to be true with me.
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Review of The Friend  
Review by Patrick McDonagh
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love how in short form there is so much feeling expressed... such deep emotional intent. Well done!
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