I saw your request for review and took a peek at it. Just to let you know, everything I have here is just a suggestion for you
There is some great description here. You do a wondrous job of painting the setting and what is going on. I can practically feel the air on my skin and hear the sounds all about me as if I was the one on the bench. Bravo on that!
You have a few hiccups here and there (which I pointed out below). My only real criticism is that I wasn’t super confident what the take away from this story was. I gather that it was about living life and not dreaming it, but it was such a passive approach to the revelation that it almost didn’t matter to me. Make it matter! Show me why it matters! Slap me in the face with it.
I have three suggestions here!
1. You’ve got a lot of “sticky” words in your piece that slow down the pacing of the writing. Words like the, was, for, that, if, to etc. Try to keep an eye on those (fear not, I do the same).
Don’t tell me those words, describe it. Let me feel it, too!
3. Seeing large blocks of texts, for me, is really hard as it makes it feel like a daunting piece to read. I would look over your “blocks” and see where you can make new paragraphs at. Separate description from action and thoughts. For example, with your first one, I tried to group up your setting with description and actions that was occurring.
Sometimes at night, I lie awake in my bed and daydream about a life that never was.
I lay stretched out, flat on my back, and stare into the darkness with the echoes of the night ringing in my ears as my mind wanders off into that far off parallel time that exists only in my mind, always starting off with me sitting on a park bench. It is the type of day that comes perhaps in February. One of those unusually warm days that give just a temporary glimpse into what the spring will bring in a few months. Occasionally, a walker will give a gentle nod his head hello or maybe give a "Nice day to be outside.", but otherwise I am left alone to ponder my thoughts.
After a few minutes I can feel the weight of my body pressing against the wooden boards of the bench and my feet crossed as they stretch out before me. I survey the horizon from left to right and back again taking in all of my surroundings. There is a black fence surrounding the park and to my right is the gate for the entrance from Main Street and greeting everyone who enters is a concrete monument that says "Welcome to City Park". Behind the monument is a large live oak whose base is encompassed by azaleas that are waiting for April so they can display their blooms of pink and white. The massive branches from the tree serve as temporary shade depending on the time of day as well as something to climb for the more daring children. From the gate entrance there is the sidewalk that continues in from the street, goes under the oak, past the bench where I sit, and proceeds on around the couple of acres that makes up the park.
In front of me are the play-sets; one a large structure that contains a high tower with two giant curving slides traversing down in a curvature angle along with a series of walkways with different climbing apparatuses such as a rope wall and some monkey bars. The other play-set contains swings and a merry-go-round that also doubles as a ship. The playing children run back and forth from one set to the other giving off a gleeful incomprehensible chatter that reminds me of blackbirds that populate the newly bare pecan trees in the fall. On the other side of the play-sets is an open space of grass where the older kids play kickball and soccer. Watching them, I want to jump up and take a kick at the ball, but knowing it is better off as a dream, I let out a quiet sigh instead and continue with my survey.
Take a look at what I suggestions and I honestly think you have a stellar piece. The concept of what you are writing is very good and I encourage you to keep at it. Don't ever stop.