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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/pstafford93
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Public Reviews
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Review by Peter Stafford
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am delighted to have seen your name in the list after you left me a kind review on my own work, I can repay the favour!

From a macro point of view I really like the message of this poem; that your personal worth is not just valued on self-reflection but on the benefit you provide to the community around you. I especially like the fact that the poem takes the perspective of both sides (Stone/Dove) as it creates the comparison between the two opinions and helps highlight the limitations of the Stone's perspective.

On a technical level, the poem is relatively simple: six line stanza's throughout with alternate end rhyme and non-rhyming lines. Most lines are of seven syllables but the breaks with this form lead me to think that you have concentrated on how the poem reads/sounds more than a distinct metre. This is similar to a style I used to use a lot and I feel that it has a great effect of providing a good cavas to write upon that lets the message of the poem speak for itself.

I don't know if you already do this, but I would recommend reading your poems aloud and see if they flow as you want them to when read out. This may help with the few points were I feel the wording used is a little clunky. For example I feel like the last two lines lose the flow of the previous stanza's, but kudos if that was done for effect.

A good poem with a great message.

pgstafford
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Review of Memories  
Review by Peter Stafford
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hi Taylianna

I like this, I like where it is going and I think it has a lot of potential. In this small body of text you have outlined a story that could fill a book, and a book I would read! However that is the main point of my criticism, all these events and thoughts an feeling on have a couple of sentences each at most! This, to me, is more an abstract then a chapter or excerpt; there is too much great stuff in this to just pass each off with a sentence. In this block of text you have outlined the past story of a character so that the character may be better understood? (Forgive me if I'm wrong). The best way to get this character better understood is to actually write the story that is outlines, with a healthy amount of embellishment and writing through each event each sentence here could fill a chapter or two. That would make a really good book.

The other point I would make is that this is a really good 'recap', it would be a brilliant thing to start off a second novel with. However I appreciate this is only a excerpt, and therefore all my comment may lack the necessary context and therefore be redundant.

I think this character, Rendell, has a huge amount of potential as a fantasy protagonist, however his background and history is far to involved for him to be fully understood from this excerpt alone; we only get a very brief glance at who he is, who he was meant to be and what he will become, personally I would like more.

I hope what I've said is helpful and encouraging, please keep writing!

Peter
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