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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Lilith  
Review by Orion69
Rated: E | (3.5)
I remember reading when I was back in college of a psychiatrist who would anxiously fiddle with the room keys of his patients while he walked the hospital floor. Sometimes he felt it was the only difference between himself and the various patients he was in charge of. The line between what's considered sane and insane can be blurry some days, and the use of psychiatric medications can obscure the line even further. While the reader here is not aware of Lilith's exact condition, her pain, and anger highlight the confusion she feels every day. Is she hospitalized? Is she alone in her house/apartment? Does anybody care about her daily experiences? It's hard to be hopeful without more information, and in the end, that just furthers the reader's sense of helplessness, isolating Lilith even farther away from her salvation.

My favorite line: "The walls moved, trading places with the floor."

I'm interested to see if there's more to come, good work and good luck.
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Review by Orion69
Rated: E | (4.5)
This a really nice poem, full of reflective affirmations that lead the reader to review their own winding path.

PRO'S: Composed of positive reflections that serve as a reminder to enjoy life. Poetry is as personal as it is boundless, and this is a very positive outlook.

CON'S: Nothing terrible that I can see. The author may want to consider adding "a" after "And" on the seventh line, and replacing "And" with "While" on the eighth line. Overall nothing drastic.

Well done!
Good Luck!
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Review of Hide and Seek  
Review by Orion69
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was a good short piece that highlighted the emotional separation between youth and adulthood. I enjoyed the description of Annie's eyes and the sense of helplessness emanating from her grandmother. In the end, the reader is left with questions about who, and what, this Tandy really is. Well done.

Pros - Good description of Annie's eyes, the uncertainty of the grandmother, and the mystery of Tandy.
Cons - Not much, some revision of the mentioning of the cellar in the second paragraph might be considered, but that's about it.

Overall, a nice read that left me wondering what might live in my basement yet again.*Shock*
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Review of Story Cafe  
Review by Orion69
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Sorry it took so long to get back. I haven't really read much about these boxes, but I imagine there are any number of scenarios you could work from. For me, every story depends on the theme I'm working from and that great immortal question 'What if...?' What if the box contained the vengeful ghost of an ex-Nazi that was imprisoned inside during WWII? Even Hitler maybe, trying to possess the boy to bring back the Third Reich? What if every time he opened the box he had a precognitive vision? First, it would simply help him to cheat on a test, taking bigger steps each time in order to manipulate and control his actions, leading to him ending up in the box himself maybe? Have fun and let me know how it goes, just don't drink the wine.
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