*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/raven107
Review Requests: OFF
11 Public Reviews Given
12 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of My Best Friend  
Review by Raven
Rated: E | (2.0)
Your passion definitely shows through in this essay, but you might want to consider finessing the way you portray it. I'm assuming this isn't an assignment for school--that means you don't have to make it sound like one! That whole "beginning-thesis-body-restate thesis-conclusion" thing isn't the only way to write an essay, and you can add a lot of power if you break the rules a little. Don't spend so much time trying to prove that your friend is ordinary but kind; let that come through naturally with anecdotes and explanations. You don't need to prove anything to the readers. Just let your friend (and your writing) exist on their own behalf.
Good luck!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of Inner concious.  
Review by Raven
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Good lines, good rhyme scheme, but I'd work on the syllables a little if I were you. Perhaps making them more even?
Overall it's a nice poem. :)
3
3
Review by Raven
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love this! It has a very nice, lyrical style, and one of the strongest beginnings I've seen in a while. It makes sense without being too detailed, and uses repetition without going overboard.
My favorite lines: 'hoping in earnest to scatter the frost' 'caveat: he can't be a fool' ' 'book cover fold when you left'
I was unsettled by the ending; the poem lulled me into a sense of security, and the last line shook things up a little.
Your work reminds me of: Robert Frost. That's a huge compliment, coming from me. :)
4
4
Review of Cupid's Smile  
Review by Raven
Rated: E | (3.0)
Maybe I just don't know much about poetry, but I don't fully understand it. To get what it's saying, I have to read it without the given breaks to get what it's saying. Suggestion: you might want to change the spacing a little.
I like your repetition in this: ThIS was me mISsing you; DAYS we rejoice, DAYS it stops raining. Nice. :)
4 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/raven107