|I think, you need to really take a hard look at this. 1.) I would use my grammar a bit differently. Ex. [I stood there, looking at the grand necklace. It was my favorite.] I would have chose a different word for 'grand.' I would have written its structure like:
= "I stood there; just, looking at the grandest necklace present; which, really, was my favorite."
Also, I think you need to get into the mindset of "showing" not telling.
Maybe something like : This always happens to me; those, strong images of mom at her worst.
You = "She would pop pain-killers like breath mints."
Me = In her plight, which was obvious when I looked at her. and the stench of sickness was in the air. She looked directly into my eyes; as if to say, "I am sorry," and pop those painkillers again; just, like breath-mints. A mouthful of water to wash them down. Mom, shaking and very anxious, swallows one sip to a temporary wellness. Now she can rest again; the pain has subsided."
This is how I write - I try not to "tell the whole story" but show the reader the story. I try to be very, very descriptive and soften my touch. Not using things like "throwing-up" but to be creative, and kind. To allow respect to her, but through the written words I put down - hoping my words last the test of time.
I am not so great I don't think of a reviewer so I may be off somewhere in my own land. If that is the case I am sorry, but I only hope something here can help you to improve in your writing. I always use lots of words to describe my scenes - - I can always cut stuff out later on in another edit.
I am generally hard in scoring - I generously gave three stars because it is your personal story -- just needs to be cleaned-up a bit. Has a lot of potential I believe - - Keep working it.