Hi Fyn
More prose than poem I can see and feel you appear to putting a message over of a snap-shot in the world you believe you live.
There appears to be questions therein (or at least one question) and brings forth notions of how simple folk live their simple lives then tragedy!
Bit of a mystery "with good reason" as you decided to switch in your writing - it would be interesting to read your next piece and I encourage you.
This is my first attempt at reviewing and I have tried to be encouraging, pragmatic, specific where I may but vague to allow your own potential to contribute on feedback
As you probably already know, perhaps the use of a thesaurus to research verb like "live" to avoid the repetition
abide, berth, bide, bunk, carry on, cohabit, continue, continue to be, domicile, domiciliate, doss down, emphasize, endure, exist, extend, focus on, go on, hang out, harp on, hold, hold on, hold out, inhabit, inhere, keep, keep on, labour, lie, live, live on, live through, lodge, maintain, nest, occupy, perch, perdure, perennate, persist, persist in, prevail, remain, reside, rest, room, roost, run, run on, squat, stand, stay, stay on, stress, subsist, survive, sustain, tarry, tenant, tide over, wear
but on the other hand live live lived is certainly a way to emphasise - there are other ways
I hope this helps
Kind Regards
Richard |