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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rickyz
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Review by RickyZ
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Very interesting story! I love the flow of the piece, and how real the characters are. While I might not have a clear perspective on the physical appearances of all the characters, each character's personality shines strongly through their words and actions.

I would suggest more action scenes to change the pace at crucial moments. Let Joan be hyper-focused on her upcoming date as she doesn't yet know Mokuba. You already show a bit of that tension melt away as they begin their date (and I love how she handles his concerns), and this, I think, would be highlighted more if the tension was made more palpable in the beginning.

Happy writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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