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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/robquill
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89 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by robquill
Rated: E | (3.5)
Good use of irony and defamatory exegesis that has the two metaphors working in opposition to make the whole. Well done.
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Review by robquill
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A first class write. Very difficult emotionally to read, it must have been even harder to write. However, you place the emphasis in the lines with events and that helped me the reader move through the story. Obviously, it is a touchy subject full of pokes at human empathy with resulting emotional responses. I like your determined approach which was revealing. You did not miss a beat in detail and managed to keep it at a level of sensibility and remote observation. Clearly an excellent piece.
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Review of Moving On  
Review by robquill
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Centering the poem tends to mislead the line length, but it does not take away fro content and meter. The scansion appears as a quatrain of AAbA, and has 10 syllable lines. The difficulty of construction is not to force the line ending rhyme, but surreptitiously and creatively enter the inspiration. You have done this well for this form. The content is bold and does answer the commitment to reveal the plight and ambition to be responsible for one's own choices. This includes the very powerful metaphor of love.
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Review by robquill
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
The drama reveals a touching and violent setting. Even though no solutions were involved the whole poem sends a beleaguered message of tense violation and interference. It is about power and the collateral damage that lands on emotions and disbelief. I like the structure of the poem with its page-turning verses, and has the disappointing raging end appropriate for the theme.
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Review of Crushed!  
Review by robquill
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A very edgy piece with a strong metaphor for pain that trickles down the lines managing to high-light the journey. It has an inner pulse of regret and hope. Great write.
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Review of Alone with Lana  
Review by robquill
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dear Ellis:
I enjoyed reading Alone With Lana. The tension in your story is provocative, and it flows nicely from beginning to end. Your skill in developing your characters made them real and I could empathise easily. The story gave rise to questions only after my first read, and your settings and atmosphere from your descriptions illustrated the sadness and cruel path that was imposed upon the main character. You managed to isolate Katherine as an individual that had a chosen fate, of which she had little control over. In that predicament you proved by narration and setting that she had an inner coping skill and an outward acceptance of the status quo. The religious connotations painted the settings with harsh realities that communities such as the one implied, seem to hide so easily.

I'd love to read more of your work.

Robquill
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Review of Sky Flowers  
Review by robquill
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
elista83, your poem, Sky Flowers, and the preamble you gave regarding clichés are successful I think n dealing with a world of time worn expressions. They do tend to lose their vitality and to some extent, their original meaning. The poem sways from the norm. It begs interpretation, yet upon a relaxed read the beauty of the words echo from quite a distance. As cloud formations go, the first stanza sets the tone and relays a setting full of colour and retrospect. The send stanza lead in question engages the reader to focus, followed by a distinct display of subconscious images. To me, it is the confident memory clip and the action that captures the reader and holds to visual elements for movement. The third stanza reveals a layer of regret, although action was needed, it gave way to a better setting, giving moments of tell-tale determination. The "July" stanza is figurative and allegorical and avoids cliché with a vengeance. The substitution is layered, on the surface - a story; next layer makes a distinction from mere allusion or symbolic language from the metaphor of mid-summer madness that remains from events best left in ambiguity. I like the poem very much and way in which you chose to be non conforming. Love it!

Robquill








*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Stay  
Review by robquill
Rated: E | (5.0)
jpmurphy, your poem, Stay, is a lamentation with a series of quintet formation having one or two unaccented syllables give the lines feet; but do have a fixed and recurrent arrangement giving the line meter. Each stanza is a varied combination of the couplet with lines rhymed up to the fifth line of each stanza. As the end word is the same for all stanzas and as a refrain can fit well into a roundel, as distinct from a rondel. As for content and meaning I have some questions: The object of the lamentation is it \god or a lover the poet yearns to have stay? .The verse content does point to a tangible lover. In the fourth verse there is a line in allegory and comparison, "Than an oyster their pearl", would it be better said, 'Than an oyster its pear' ? The last line says it all and being in the refrain form can say a lot. It is a good poem and in many respects plucks at the heart strings and conveys sincerity of emotion.

Robquill


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by robquill
Rated: E | (5.0)
Just an Ordinary Jyo, your story, Something Wrong, Something Right!, intently holds to the fantasy genre and draws the reader in with well defined characterizations. The plot has a strong structure and gives crisis moments that move the story along with an even flow. The action is character based and generates a real interest in the direction of the story. Keep an eye on colloquial phrases, such as, " None in this era was able to shield his identity from me, none from our land at all events." This one needs to be re-written; as it stands it has lost its real meaning. Perhaps, what is meant is, 'Not one from this era was able to shield his identity from me, not one from our land in any event.
You have introduced conflict and consequences that move the story along. Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by robquill
Rated: E | (5.0)
The Rhyme Maven, your poem, Re-Defining God.... is magical. It is also audacious, and full of hope. The line rhymes are clever, but not forced. They do vary in their rhythm, but contain phraseology that is fitting for the topic and inspirational. The magical part is more of a mystery created by the setting and structure of your poem. Like the italics used for emphasis, although not necessary do reveal your bent or belief in a sense. Another point of the mystery is the way the poem's stanzas are structured. They are uniform in shape, but give a geometry to the work. This geometry declares, to me, the rationale of intent. The harmony of the peace is in the three-line phrases at the end of each stanza, they conclude the very nature of God and is very apropos for the topic. Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by robquill
Rated: E | (5.0)
Keaton Foster, your poem, When The Wind Blows, is reflective of "For whom the bell tolls...", yet contains essentials to reinforce the premise of speculative thought regarding existence and beyond.. I like your stand in mid poem where you likely met with opposition and naysayers, but you have clearly maintained the poetic form during this philosophical argument. The poem is well structured whose line endings did not rhyme but contain beats of emphasis leading to a balanced rhythm. I like the dotted ending that reflects continuation or a never ending answer to a critical view of life. The analysis is well thought out and the words chosen were not simplistic but full of courage and intimacy. You have a deep layered approach to the work of poetry and I hope to see more.

Robquill
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Review by robquill
Rated: E | (2.5)
Ladybug, your poem, For All Teenagers Who Hate School, is surprisingly poignant. The line structure varies and the meter skips. There must be various reasons why teens drop out of high school, most of which I gather from statistics is not because they thought school was "stupid and boring." You have plenty of do's and don'ts in the poem's content, and you have succinctly run the gamut of consequences and truth. All this being fine, and that the poem being free and formless, and without reservation, I commend your approach to the message and the media you have chosen. It might be pointed out that getting through HS to certification need not be solely to get employment. Other reasons , two of which are to activate and develop young brain cells to a self-reliant level. Dropping out will certainly impede this essential growth pattern; and in some cases, staying full-term in an educational environment that does not create growth, will have similar results. The third stanza focuses mainly the negative aspects of dropping out. The structure is in the form of prose and has a tone and colour that is reminiscent of a fearful parent scolding a child in order to affect better behaviour. The last stanza should replace the third stanza. This poem does get a little preachy, but then again, just how will you get the point across; the danger is not dropping out but trying not to be "... a complete fool." and avoiding "...people will call you a Slob." Then I think you have made your point, and I hope the congregation is listening.

Robquill


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of A Song to Play  
Review by robquill
Rated: E | (5.0)
Margaret Milham, your poem A Song to Play, is a sensitive pitch on sound. You place the reader smack at middle C, and allow tone and vibration to enter each line to serve as colour and voice to their structure. There is a tension between the lines, as if to convey a cultural or traditional network of expectations, all of which call for appreciation. Each line has a function, which contains a past, present and a future. There are some wonderful inserts of human observation, such as, "The rusty pedal", "D sharp is not far behind, yearning to be played", and "The pitch screams" - I find them all delightful! Your poem reflects in a much deeper sense, the aloneness of the artist at the piano. Even as with Billy Joel, and the Piano Man, you have crystallized a moment: an audience and an artist. This amalgam of connectivity , is captured in this poem, it is the sound of music without a note being played. Well done!

Robquill


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by robquill
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sissco, your poem, The Widow and The Poppy, is a third person narrative, structured in rhyming couplets with a very powerful them. Loss cannot be dispensed with by clichéd phrases; nor can loss be understated by leaving it to an emotional space left for guesswork on the reader's behalf. Your short lines do not allow for distraction, yet involve a tone of empathy and awareness. You state your thesis in the first stanza, so there is no alluding to some universal symbolism or allegory conveying a truth. Your second stanza is the crisis, the rest, is the after effects of a tragedy that is haunting. But it is the way you have gently shown that rest, which includes giving the reader insight into the family and their thoughts. You include the incident and that poignant moment bleeds through the latter part of the poem, giving a fitting ending that seems a never-ending story of grief.

Robquill
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Review of Windows  
Review by robquill
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Possumkingdom:

Your poem, Windows, is a searching poem full of pictures, reflections and the notion of loss. Each pane of the Window metaphor you presented is very well constructed, and each one has a life of its own. Your line structure gives rise to moments of real pain and acceptance. I find your expression invaluable as you take us through realms of existence, so to speak. Yet you have a story to tell and you tell it well, You enable the reader to advance through the piece with a sense of foreboding and brooding. This is done very delicately. I love your use of words and they do influence the lines when reading. The fourth stanza is revealing and has a climax imbedded in the lines. This difficult passage cries for recognition in that much has gone before, and more is to come that leads to experience in favour of heartache and eternal suffering. I like it a lot.

Robquill
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Review by robquill
Rated: E | (5.0)
Christina Deltro:
Your story, Extra Sensory Perception, is well contructed with a very informed introduction and the right amount of tension given for the climax. The last line could be a little more revealing as a lesson learned or a mention of how much feelings are put to oneside when confronted with life, like that depicted in your story. It is a mystery of sorts, but as the writing is so good, you have discovered a way of simplifying such a topic with intension and clarity. There were links and associations you placed in the process that were little discomforting effects. The story was full of doubt struggle and inner conflict. I very much enjoyed it.
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Review of FOREVER  
Review by robquill
Rated: E | (5.0)
Simple Dykie:

Your work, FOREVER, is a very impressive unfolding adventure; circumspect in many ways, but honest and in other ways profound. You managed to capsulate the history of a world and give character and events that support your notion of existence. The last chapter belies the idea of forever, as you do have things winding down. As endless as forever maybe you have not signified that, for the narrator who wonders at the transition stage. I could have easily missed the point here as the details emerge from the other chapters, as it were, showing the 'machine' thinking and developing as time describes the evolution of other beings and existence. I like the concept it has much potential.

I was thinking, that maybe the notion could expressed in poetic form. A book of this calibre would sell very easily if placed in the right publisher's hands.

Good luck.

Robquill
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Review of A Ghost Story  
Review by robquill
Rated: E | (5.0)
Kerryfewter:

Nicely executed. Full of whim and terror. Most delightful was the end. It had the right amount of surprise and darkness about ti.. The word economy was amazing and descrptive prose was more than adequate to apprehend the genre and give it the twist needed to make it sharp and infocus. I really like this.

Robquill
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Review of A Coffee Moment  
Review by robquill
Rated: E | (4.0)
K.J. Tracy, your short, A Coffee Moment, is refreshing. The intriguing beginning, and lead into a collage of thought moments, which escorts me through a defining process.

The following sentence is unfulfilled or unclear:

“Where the sadness of one phase of life ends, so begins a change in the next phase of life. “

You have left me hanging. It presupposes many things, and yet conjures up more sinister events leading to this point.

Tell me what is profound? What is the gem you have experience in going through this process. So much is missing, and so much hinted at.

Your writing expresses well about your feelings and sentiments and yet they all need clarification of examples and for the reader to somehow feel the same joy, the same understanding. However, what you have here is a great outline for a much larger and more meaningful dissertation. Let me look at it when you are finished I’ll go and have a coffee now. Well done
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Review of Make a Difference  
Review by robquill
Rated: E | (5.0)
Marilyn Mackenzie, your piece, Make a Difference, has a journalistic professionalism about it. It is imformatave and uses examples that do not stray from the topc. It advances at a good pace and is ablr to keep the reader engrossed with the page-turning paragraphs. From what you have written it seems feasible that a difference can be made if we only took the time to do just that. It is also bold and ready to confirm how important it is to make a difference that counts. the following passage I have problems with especially around the "...Darryl to let him know that having..." It seems to me there is something missing:
"He asked one struggling teen to stop in after school each day. Years later, that man called Darryl to let him know that having a place to go where he could push the bad things of his life out helped motivate him and helped him succeed. Also in this phrase:"There is a simple message in these words." you are telling the reader either they did not get the messqage, or they will have to find it. From a journalsitic point of view, there is no need to do that. From your stylistic point of view you have conveyed the message. Well done.
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Review of Change the World  
Review by robquill
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Flic, your poem, Change The World, is a daunting list of dreams. They are not strange, wierd or 'pie in the sky' notions of doing something for a needy world.. Your line, "Leave puzzles unfurled." caused me some consternation, in that the puzzles you refer to, are they the pastime activities, or are they specific to the human issues and quandries? If the former, I can understand, but the latter sounds like a contradition. The effort to rhyme is making the poem serve that purpose. But to have the poem serve the sentiment, it needs to have the rigidity taken off. You do get a bit harsh in places as if to correct behaviour that seems to steer away from helping or serving people. This is ok, but it can turn people away from your message. All in all it is well structured, a little simplistic but contains the right emotion to solicit the repsose you are after. I like the poem, the words and the message.
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Review of ROSE: a ghazal  
Review by robquill
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dr. Gupta, your Ghazal, Rose, is a dedication. Your Matla first line holds an arcaic word along with a current word: "thou" and "are". "Thou" being archaic, and "are" being current usage. The sounding and meter throw the poem off a little. If you were to use 'thou" with "art" then it is smooth. If you were to use "you" with "are" then you would still be okay. But as it stands your Ghazal is a little off key. The content of the poem is passionate without spilling sentiment onto the page. The economy of words are well chosen and call attention to the much needed Theme of love ghazal: The couplets though different are ideally independent features that focus on the notion od have and have not. You lead the reader gently to the disappointing end, yet it last line compliments the piece. Great work!
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Review of Summer Heat  
Review by robquill
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dave,
Loved your poem, Summer Heat, it is hot. Within the constraints of the Saraband Sonnet, you have managed to elicit that passion and excitement of the "dance". This dance within a dance, has many components required so that the tone and colour are consistent with the traditions of love and the passage to enlightenment.. One of the components is the introduction to love. Both dances have the compassion for the dance, and then it evolves to each other. The structure and form delightfully fit accompanied by the meter and feet of a spry dance. Well done.
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Review of What's In A Name?  
Review by robquill
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dear Than Pence:

Your work, "What's In a Name", is priceless! The plot and necesary conflict are well expressed, and the narrative is sharp and fast. The major and minor characters played their specfic rolls with the right tension, and the antagonist had the right amount of energy to pull off the tyrannicle role. The characters were convincing and the epiphany had strong connections as the old man remembered. The elements of the story unite to give an awesome rendition in a short succinct way. Well done.

Robquill.
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Review of Silence Calls  
Review by robquill
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear SWPoet:

Your work, "Silence Calls", is in a well chosen vehicle of dialogue. I found the original the best, and the last more manipulated. All of the versions have great language and usage of words. You have devoted your attention to exploration of a relationship. Yet the nature of the experience is in the beholder. Your work is very nicely done, yet there is a struggle to comprehend, so to speak, as to why the narrator has had difficulty in knwoing what has "beome" of him/her self. It is an enlightening piece with many strong points. It is not a rivalry but a camaraderie that is sought between narrator and Silence. Much can be gleaned from your work.

Robquill
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