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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/robrayl
Review Requests: ON
8 Public Reviews Given
8 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
My review style is personal, structured, and emotionally driven. I aim to balance honest praise with thoughtful, constructive critique, always offering suggestions that help strengthen the work. I try to keep my tone respectful and supportive because I believe feedback should encourage, not discourage. My goal is to help writers grow, not just improve one piece.
I'm good at...
I’m good with wordplay and grammar, but I don’t let technical flaws get in the way of a good story. If a piece connects with me and makes me feel something, that matters more than perfect punctuation.
Favorite Genres
Horror, fantasy, thriller, mystery, adventure, comedy and so on.
Favorite Item Types
Chapters or short stories, both fictional and non-fictional.
I will not review...
There’s nothing in particular I refuse to review, but some things do throw me off a little. Congested paragraphs with no breathing room can be hard to engage with. I prefer work that’s spaced out, clean, and easy on the eyes. I enjoy pieces that are broken into chapters or shorter segments. Also, if something is extremely long, it can be a bit overwhelming to review in one sitting. I connect best with writing that gives the reader room to absorb and reflect.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Gradebusters  Open in new Window.
Review by Robrayl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review of Grade Busters by notfluff

Hello, Not fluff. I am robrayl and it's my pleasure to have read your story.

My review of your story is as follows: ("These are my own opinions and do not reflect the views of all readers.")

📋Relatable or not:

Honestly? I think the classroom tension is something most people can relate to, especially dealing with a teacher who’s more into their own voice than actual teaching. The way Herkabe talks down to Reese was meant to feel over-the-top, like an exaggerated version of that teacher who thinks their rants are changing lives but really just... aren't.

You have captured that student-versus-system feeling really well.

🍀setting and Atmosphere:

This was definitely a dialogue-driven scene, and it works. That said, a touch more sensory detail could elevate the tension and give the humor a more grounded space to land in.

For example.

“Reese slumps into his seat”

could become:

“Reese slumped into the hard plastic chair, still warm from the last poor soul who escaped.”

🧙‍♂️Characters:

Herkabe is such a standout here. His energy reminded me of a cross between a washed-up college professor and a man who’s been arguing with NPR hosts in his head for years. You really committed to the bit—and it pays off.

Reese plays the straight man here, and I think his deadpan confusion helps ground the scene. His “So, no?” was meant to be stupid-simple, and I think it works. That said, I wonder if he could push back just a little more—not angry, just tired of the nonsense.

The side kid’s line was a late addition, but ended up being one of the stronger punches:

“Last semester was about his ex-wife. I'd divorce him too.”

Deadpan humor is tough to write, so I was happy with how it turned out. Might play around with adding more students like this in the full story.

⚔️Tension:

The dynamic between Herkabe and the students is great—it’s clear who holds the "power" (for now), but we’re also getting hints that it’s starting to unravel. That’s exciting to see.

A suggestion? Maybe give Herkabe one slightly unhinged moment to let us see him slipping—just a bit more unglued. That way, when the class eventually walks out, it feels earned.

📜Dialogue:

It has a natural flow, and each character’s voice is distinct. Herkabe’s lines are theatrical without being cartoonish, and Reese plays the everyman beautifully.

One area you might tighten is slightly wordy lines. For example:

“Why don’t you quit the riddles and just tell me what’s on the test?”
Could be trimmed to something punchier:
“Can you just say what’s on the test?”

Instead of lengthy dialogue tags, incorporate actions that convey the speaker's emotions or intentions. For example:

“Reese raised an eyebrow. ‘Can you just say what’s on the test?’”

Still, it’s more of a style choice.

Final thoughts

All in all, this was a sharp, funny opening scene. You’ve nailed the tone of frustration that fuels student rebellions, and the character dynamics are already rich with potential.

A little more setting, some sharper emotional moments, and a gradual build-up of Herkabe’s unraveling could take this from funny to bitingly brilliant. But even as it stands—it’s already off to a great start.

So, that’s it! Keep writing—you’re on a good pace.

Warm regards,
Robrayl


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2
2
Review of Hermes' Birth.  Open in new Window.
Review by Robrayl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review of Mythology of Hermes Birth by JU-JU

Hello, JU-JU. I am robrayl and it's my pleasure to have read your story.

My review of your story is as follows: ("These are my own opinions and do not reflect the views of all readers.")

📋Relatable or not:

"I'm not very familiar with Greek mythology, aside from what I've picked up through games and movies. However, if there's one thing that stands out, it's the sheer chaos that seems to run through its veins-and I can genuinely feel that energy here.

You truly brought Hermes' mischievous spirit to life. His wit, cleverness, and irreverent attitude made him an absolute delight to read. It felt authentic to the myths while still brimming with your unique voice, which added a refreshing charm.

🍀setting and Atmosphere:

"The way you painted the world with the tortoise, the cows, and the cave made it so easy to imagine Hermes weaving through it all. I could really picture every little detail, and it felt alive.

I would’ve loved just a bit more sensory depth when Hermes was stealing the cows.

"He hid the cows in a nearby meadow."

You could expand it bit more.

"He drove the cows to a nearby meadow, thick with tall grass and the sweet scent of wildflowers, hiding them where even Apollo's sharp eyes wouldn’t spot them."

You’re really good at quick visuals, so a touch more could deepen the mood.

🧙‍♂️Characters:

"I absolutely loved your portrayal of Hermes. You captured his mischievous, bratty, yet oddly endearing personality so perfectly.

Apollo's temper was brilliant too. He can often come across as rigid, but you gave him the vibe of an exasperated older sibling trying to wrangle Hermes' antics, and it worked beautifully.

Hermes' line, ‘I didn't steal any cows. I've been here the entire time!’ was such a highlight. I loved how you showed him pretending to be scared and innocent-it felt so true to his trickster nature. You didn’t overplay it, which made his subtle manipulation even more enjoyable to read.

⚔️Tension:

The tension between Hermes, Apollo, and Zeus was written in a fun, light way without losing the stakes. Apollo’s anger, Hermes’ fake innocence, and Zeus’ tired dad energy were all spot-on.

Adding, a little more emotional build-up (like Apollo’s growing frustration or Hermes' sneaky panic) would make their interactions even sharper.

I would have appreciated a bit more depth in Maia's character. Given her pivotal role in the myth, it would’ve been interesting to see her thoughts and feelings on the situation, especially with Zeus' abandonment.\

📜Dialogue:

The dialogue was super natural and easy to follow. It felt playful but not silly, which fits Hermes perfectly. A couple lines could be tightened up to make them hit harder, but overall, it had a nice flow.

For example,

"Oh, you mean this lyre, well, I guess, you'll be better at it than I anyhow," he said, passing it to him.

This line could be made a little punchier by cutting out extra words:
“Oh, this lyre? Sure, you’ll probably be better at it anyway,”

But maybe that’s just your style, and honestly, that’s totally fine. You don’t need to change anything unless you feel it could make the writing better or truer to what you want to convey.

Final Thoughts

Overall, this was a super fun, fresh take on Hermes' story. I loved the playful tone you kept even when serious stuff was happening. A little more depth in character emotions and sensory moments could make it even better.

But honestly, it’s still already great the way it is.


So, that’s it! Keep writing—you’re on a good pace.

Warm regards,
Robrayl


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3
3
Review of A Dirty Canvas—  Open in new Window.
Review by Robrayl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review of a Dirty Canvas by Rhea.

Hello, Rhea. I am robrayl and it's my pleasure to have read your story :)

My review of your story is as follows: ("These are my own opinions and do not reflect the views of all readers.")

📋Relatable or not:

The poem is not personally relatable to me, as I have not experienced self-harm or violence in any way. However, I can empathize with your depiction of societal stigma. The judgmental thoughts of society, the forced smile to conceal pain, and the fear of being judged as an attention seeker, weak, or misunderstood - all of these resonate deeply.

I can see it being closely relatable to anyone who's struggled with self-image, mental health, or feeling misunderstood.

✒️Poetic Form and Flow:

Your Poem falls into the category of free verse (confessional poetry) along with Modern, raw, sensory driven stylistic traits. The fragmented lines mirror the scattered thoughts of someone trapped inside spiraling emotions. There are no grammar or spelling issues that distract from the experience.

"a smile small, / a voice smaller."
The progression here is precise in its simplicity.

Maybe adding a few breaths pauses-like a single line of ellipses or even a word like "Suffocating" could make the emotions hit even harder. Those moments of stillness could feel like the poem itself is gasping for air, mirroring the mental collapse it describes.

🍀Setting and Atmosphere:

The atmosphere feels so heavy and intense, and which captures the heart of the subject perfectly. You’ve brought it to life through pure sensation: the smell of blood," "the dirty canvas," "scratched skin," "paper-thin concern" instead of telling the reader directly what to feel. That’s commendable

🧙‍♂️Characters:

The narrator feels heartbreakingly real. Readers never learn their name, and they don't need to. Their pain is universal enough to stand in for thousands of silent struggles. The contrast between narrator raw emotions and others' cold, performative concern is so powerful.

lines like "how neatly they dress their disgust / in paper-thin concern" are striking. But I guess, adding more sensory details could make the emotions even more vivid.

For example,
Texture of the air, the sounds of their surroundings, scent of blood, etc. could heighten the intensity of those moments even further. It would draw the reader deeper into their experience and make those emotions almost tangible.

📜 Final Lines:

The last few lines are stunning, but they feel a bit rushed after such a heavy, emotional journey. Giving the ending just a little more breathing room-an extra line or two, could make the final moments linger, letting the weight of the story fully settle.

For example,
Instead of stopping at "outlive the artist’s regret," you might add something like:

"Outlive the artist’s regret. Even if she still carries the scar. Even if it still burns in the sun.

Of course, you don’t have to use "scar" or "burn" again but something that honors the pain that remains, even when survival wins.

Just an idea :)

Final thoughts

The Dirty Canvas is deeply raw and vulnerable, and that’s where its power lies. It lays the pain bare without trying to soften it, and that kind of honesty is truly courageous.

Your writing is raw and gripping-it holds the reader tight. Maybe, a few tweaks to pacing or added sensory details could enhance it, but even as it is, it’s unforgettable and deeply moving.

So, that’s it! Keep writing—you’re on a good pace.

Warm Regards,
Robrayl


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4
4
Review of Nature's Miracles  Open in new Window.
Review by Robrayl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Review of NATURE'S MIRACLES by SONALI.

Hello, Sonali. I am robrayl and it's my pleasure to have read your story :)

My review of your story is as follows: ("These are my own opinions and do not reflect the views of all readers.")

📋Relatable or not:

This poem gave me instant “storybook” feels. It has nature themed mystery adventure designed to spark curiosity among young readers, or child within us.

The playful rhyme and rhythm set the inviting and light-hearted tone to poem, while also managing to sneak in big, philosophical ideas about the natural world.

"There is a mystery that is most mysterious | So our strategy will have to be ingenious”

Right from the very start, the poem seems to come alive with its playful rhythm and cleverness.

✒️Poetic Form and Flow

Structurally, you've essentially honored the rhyme scheme, a task very difficult with all those stanzas. Every stanza speaks in a self-sufficient way while adding to the entire odyssey. Those said, just turn a few odd corners for better rhythm or clarity.

For example,

“To solve this, without to-do or fuss”

This line slightly disrupts the rhythm. Perhaps consider the below line:

"To solve this mystery without much fuss"

ALSO

"and find clues, so very precious."

The "So" there seems a bit odd in tone compared to the rest of the stanza. Perhaps consider the below line:

"and find clues, truly precious."

🍀Setting and Atmosphere

The forest setting and the journey of exploration give it a cozy, adventurous energy.

“We listened and we looked around / We caught each sight and each sound”

This line is lovely, it gives a sensory dimension to the exploration, grounding the reader in the space.

Still, it might be even more engaging with a few more vivid, nature-specific details, like for example. What did the trees look like? Was there birdsong?

🧙‍♂️Characters:

The baby elephant is an inspired choice-there’s something inherently charming and wise in giving voice to young animals. The variety of questions really captures that curiosity, almost like a child asking, “Why is the world the way it is?” Pairing that sense of wonder with the natural world and its creatures makes it even more endearing.

Lines like “Who asked us why baby piggies grunt / and why tiger cubs are taught to hunt”

Are so clever, the way you frame real-world animal behavior as a part of mystery is endearing. This would probably work beautifully in a children’s anthology or educational setting

📜 Final Lines:

The final stanza is quiet profound.

“You, yourself, from top to toe / Are nature's child, and as you grow / Nature's adult - that is so!”

This closing ties it all together. It's a gentle but empowering message, reminding us that we are not separate from nature, but part of its continuum.

But, ending with “that is so” feels a bit abrupt and slightly flat, especially after such a lyrical journey.

I Suggest you tweak it a bit with lines like,

“Nature's adult - Part of nature’s endless flow.”

OR

"Nature's adult - “Part of nature’s endless flow.”

Final thoughts

This poem is such a charming mix of playfulness and thoughtful insight. It feels like something everyone, young or old, could enjoy. With just a bit of refining and maybe a sprinkle of sensory details to bring the imagery to life, it’s easy to imagine it featured in a picture book or a children’s magazine.

So, that’s it! Keep writing—you’re on a good pace.

Warm Regards,
Robrayl


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5
5
Review by Robrayl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review of Vivian montrale by AsHIynN

Hello, AsHIynN. I am robrayl and it's my pleasure to have read your story

My review of your story is as follows:

📋 Relatable or not:

Vivian's voice is raw and haunted, pulling you into her world with every word. The pain feels genuine, not dramatized, and her resilience makes you cheer for her. I really admire the courage and the way she fights to stay true to herself. It's something that stays with you, even after the story ends.

🍀setting and Atmosphere:

The grove has a wonderful atmosphere. The way the twisty trees and gentle hum pull you in makes it feel alive, mysterious, and a little scary. Each chapter adds a quiet heaviness that makes the reader feel the stakes. Still, sometimes a bit clearer detail during the tense moments could really help readers to grasp what's going on.

⚔️ Conflict:

The story is filled with tension. The mix of the grove’s strange pull, Vivian’s troubled past, and the growing supernatural threat makes her struggle feel nearly impossible—but that’s what makes it so engaging. The clash between her own inner world and these larger forces gives real weight to her choices. One suggestion for improvement is to make the stakes even clearer. like Sometimes, diving deeper into the specific choices Vivian faces would strengthen the impact of her battle between free will and the pull of the grove.

🎭 Characters:

Vivian feels like a real person—flawed, layered, and completely compelling. Mason grounds her in a way that feels honest and necessary, and their connection really works. The ghostly girl is creepy in the best way, and Pastor Elias leaves a strong impression. I do think a few of the side characters could use a bit more fleshing out—especially Vivian’s mother. Given how much her childhood trauma shapes the story, it feels like we’re missing a deeper look at her mother’s role in it all. A little more clarity there could really raise the emotional stakes.

📜 Dialogue:

The dialogue really fits the mood—mysterious, tense, sometimes chilling. A lot of the lines feel real and keep the story moving, especially with how consistent Vivian’s voice is. That said, there are a few moments where the dialogue leans a little too much into explanation. It works, but once in a while it pulls you out of the scene just a bit. If those parts were trimmed or made a little snappier, it’d feel even more natural.

Final thoughts

To me, this is a slow-burn psychological horror that really knows what it’s doing. The blend of mystery, trauma, and supernatural elements is creepy in all the right ways. The imagery sticks with readers, and Vivian makes for a strong, compelling lead. Vivian Montrale is tense, unsettling, and honestly hard to look away from. It feels like things are just starting to unravel.

That said, a little more clarity around the bigger stakes and some deeper character development (especially for the side characters) could take it to the next level. There's so much promise here, and it’s already gripping. With just a few tweaks, it could be amazing.

So, that’s it! Keep writing—you’re on a good pace.

Warm Regards,
Robrayl


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
6
6
Review by Robrayl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)

Review of Sample opening chapter by STaS

Hello, STaS. I am robrayl and it's my pleasure to have read your story.

My review of your story is as follows:

*Clipboard* Relatable or not:

The protagonist's terror is raw exhaustion, weakening limbs, and sheer panic. The toll of the chase shows in burning lungs and trembling legs. However, hinting at the pursuer's nature, even as a mystery, could heighten the tension further.


*Tree2* setting and Atmosphere:

The story plunges the reader into a nightmare chase, with thick fog and eerie lighting suffocating them in dread. Vivid imagery—the broken lamppost, creeping shadows, and ghostly mist—enhances the feeling of entrapment. The setting isn't just a backdrop; it amplifies the terror.

*Swords* Tension:

The relentless pacing mirrors the protagonist’s desperation. The repeated imagery of time stretching and gasping breaths heightens the suspense. Each moment feels prolonged, reinforcing helplessness. However, concise breaks in dense sentences could sharpen the impact.

*Scroll* Dialogue:

The prose pulls you in but needs a few tweaks. Some sentences are long and complex, which slows the reading pace despite the scene's urgency. Breaking them into shorter, punchier lines could intensify the action. Small adjustments will enhance readability.

Final thoughts

Sample chapter one is an intense, atmospheric horror piece that effectively captures the terror of being hunted by an unseen force. With slight tweaks to sentence structure and clarity, it could become even more gripping. The buildup is excellent, and the final moment, where the shadow emerges, lands with chilling impact.

So, that’s it. Keep on writing; you're on a good pace.

Warm regards,
Robrayl


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
7
7
Review of Lilly's Christmas  Open in new Window.
Review by Robrayl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review of Lilly’s Christmas by Charles prier

Hello, Charles. I am robrayl and it's my pleasure to have read your story{/font}.

My review of your story is as follows:

*Clipboard* Relatable or not:

Lilly's voice is genuine and understated, making her a deeply sympathetic character. Despite her hardships, she finds warmth in small moments, and the anticipation of Christmas adds a sense of hope to the story.

*Tree3* setting and Atmosphere:

Decorating the Christmas tree, baking cookies, and listening to carolers create a nostalgic, cozy holiday atmosphere that immerses the reader in the festive spirit. Although I've never experienced Christmas, I can understand the festive atmosphere created by decorating the tree, baking cookies, and listening to carolers.

*Swords* Conflict:

The Foster family's kindness contrasts with Miss Agnes's cold demeanor, adding depth to the story. Lilly, treated better than before but still seen as a "servant," faces struggle. This conflict makes her joy at an unexpected Christmas gift even more touching.

*Prince* Characters :

While Lilly is well-developed, Missis and Mister Foster could use more depth. They're kind but distant and adding details about their feelings toward Lilly could strengthen the emotional connection.

*Scroll* Dialogue:

The dialogue moves the story forward but sometimes feels stiff. For example, Luke's question about Santa and the chimney could be more childlike. Varying speech patterns would help differentiate characters' voices.

Final thoughts

This heartwarming holiday story balances hardship with hope. The final scene of joy feels well-earned. Adding more character depth and natural dialogue would elevate it further, but Lilly’s Christmas is already a memorable and touching read.


So, that’s it! Keep writing—you’re on a good pace.

Warm regards,
Robrayl


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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