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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sabconth
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10 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Misogyny  
Review by Bronze-SABCONTH
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there Deome, (thank God we're not meeting in real life, my phonetics are terrible, I'd never be able to pronounce your name) ;)

Right off the bat I thought this was being written by a woman, until I read another of your works entitled 'A Good Man.' which also felt very ambiguous to your gender, but realised the 'Good Man' must be referring to you. It's really important the reader knows if you’re a dude or dudette before attempting something of this genre.

Anyway, while this does raise some interesting points, and the grammar/spelling is up there with the best writers I kind of feel like you contradicted yourself.

You say we, humankind, should be free to make our own decisions and exercise our liberties.
Ok, sounds good.

Then I found out you were a man.

So I reread the piece and noted a glaring omission.

You write 'Sometimes I think all women are unhappy with their lives and the state of the world, and just want to blame men for it. I'm not necessarily saying they're wrong of course; I just notice peculiar patterns'

You clearly state your side in the argument, then immediately break its back, and therefore its worthwhileness, by making sure you don't offend women too much or, heaven forbid, try to prove they might be wrong.

That, along with you're lack of stating outright you're a guy, which now that I think about it also makes you seem really emasculated, are the only problems with this piece.

I agree wholeheartedly with your ending paragraph, though I wonder if you actually do yourself.

Thanks for sharing and Write On!
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Review of Dark Secrets  
Review by Bronze-SABCONTH
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I knew this elderly woman who wasn't able to look after herself anymore.

There was a food delivery service that brought all her meals, but in time they kept giving her less and less, sometimes going so far as to eat the food themselves. Less than a month later she'd died.

The reason they didn't feed her. "Cause she couldn't pay anymore". She was entitled to the meals by law, but they didn't bother because they saw it as a waste of time.

Your poem highlights some serious issues that deserve to be raised. It's good that the elderly can count on some people to care.

Thanks for sharing and write on!
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Review of Operation Lockout  
Review by Bronze-SABCONTH
Rated: E | (3.5)
Before I start, just want you to know I love Halo, the multiplayer, not the single player (I find it extremely monotonous).

You caught the feeling of the Halo universe perfectly.

The use of word imagery was good, but seemed to disappear towards the end, which was a bit of a shame.

Without question you can write action scenes, though you could improve characterisation vastly. Perhaps some dialogue or the inner musings of some of the Spartans. Readers love drama more than action, and will enjoy action more if there has been drama prior.

You also used the word "I" a little too much.

When you write in 1st person try to vary the pronouns (I, We, They, It's) or write descriptions to break from the characters viewpoint.

It was still great. Thanks for sharing and Write on!




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