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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sanfmo2000
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14 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of In Sepia  
Review by sanfmo
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like this poem. Though I don't understand how she is like a pun. I particularly liked, "Her distorted reflection
will wrap spiral waveforms
around the fairy-tales
of the illusory world,
with the desire of a feline
hunting to satisfy hunger"

I'm not sure I understood "waveforms around the fairy-tales of the illusory world," but I like it.

On the other hand the end lost me, "designed to woo her painful joints."

But overall I would recommend this to others.
2
2
Review of Love  
Review by sanfmo
Rated: E | (3.0)
heartfelt and true - without love life is meaningless
3
3
Review of A Wild Ride  
Review by sanfmo
Rated: E | (4.0)
That was fun
4
4
Review of Trumpty Dumpty  
Review by sanfmo
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Poor Trumpty Dumpty. This was a fun, quick read. It's something that's accessible, probably because most of the English speaking world knows the Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme. It uses this to create a parallel between a well known figure and this fictional character. Again, fun to read. Thanks for posting.
5
5
Review of Dog Love Home  
Review by sanfmo
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Dog love home. Good Dog.
6
6
Review by sanfmo
Rated: E | (1.0)
This is an interesting story. I like the idea but not the constant third person perspective. I would like seeing the action from the point of view of people experiencing it. What is the daily routine on the island? Is anyone injured? Are people dying? Are dead bodies being washed up on the island's shore? How are the surviving passengers reacting to this? Consider telling this story from the point of view of the characters. What are they feeling? What challenges are they facing? How do they cope with them? Do they work together? Do they compete or conflict with one another?

These are just suggestions but I think they would make this a better story. Thanks for posting your work.
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Review of Through the Worm  
Review by sanfmo
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
I want to read more. Check for spelling and missing words. For example I don't understand the following sentence, "Lai'i couldn't be assed to bother with what her crew thought of her." Was "assed" intentional? Maybe I need more context but it is meaningless to me.

When I first hear Mitre talking to the captain I thought maybe Mitre was an automated alarm or computer. I would suggest mentioning Mitre's title, "First Mate" etc.

These are just suggestions. I hope to read more. Thanks for posting your work.
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sanfmo2000