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26
26
Review by Rikki
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a beautiful story. It is well written and flows from start to finish. You made me smile, worry, and cry. You made me care. There is a typo in the title (dd/did) which is the only thing I suggest changing. Excellent handling of a sad, difficult story. Brava, Winnie Kay.
27
27
Review of Hell of a day  
Review by Rikki
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Secreted - hidden away.
This is amusing and nicely written. There are few places where the word choice is awkward - secreted, embellished - and the sentence structure a little cumbersome - ‏'He limped into the living room which was embellished with the same nasty decor as the hall,‭ ‬also added to this room was a slumped‭ (‬for slumped was the only word to describe it‭ ) ‬sofa.'

Nicely descriptive. I see a bleak, uncared for neighborhood, abandoned and decaying. I clearly get the resignation and despair of the character and the environment. Best, the unspeakable horror is both unspeakably horrible and very amusing. It makes me wonder what poor John did to deserve such a nasty fate.

I suggest reading this aloud to hear where the awkward phrasing is. In some places, simply altering the punctuation strengthens the sentence, i.e.:
‬It was useless,‭ ‬he knew whatever force that controlled his hand could not be stopped and he realised the worse part of hell had begun.‭
‬It was useless,‭ ‬he knew; whatever force controlled his hand could not be stopped, and he realised the worse part of his hell had begun again.‭
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