|First, I'd like to say that I think I know where you're coming from, emotionally, with this piece, and, while I really haven't found a suitable answer for my problems, I hope you find your magic cure to feel better and find a place where you want to be and (more importantly) can be. Second, I'd like to say that it was a pleasure to read, and my main complaint is that it was not long enough.
If I were to turn this into a track for an album, I'd start with just some drums, and maybe a clarinet, then decrescendo, and speak the intro. After that, start up the melody, and sing the chorus in between the sections of instrumentals. This has staying power if you're careful with the arrangement.
A few technical changes I would make include in the fourth line of the first stanza, changing "start from" to "begin" because begin -almost- rhymes with ends, and is the classic antonym, besides.
In the second stanza of your chorus, you might want to change "below" to "beneath" because, to my ear, it just seems to flow better. Also, you have a minor typo-- change "you" to "your."
Aside from those things, there isn't much you can do to better it. I like the restless feeling of wanting to move on, despite there being no opportunities; I think that’s something most can relate to. Be sure to let me know when you put all of the pieces of your song together, I’d love to hear how it turns out!