I liked the premise as someone who reads science-fiction. The beginning is interesting and solid in terms of tone, style and pacing. The use of spacing is a bit 'off' I would say, consider why you make a new paragraph each time usually each paragraph should be distinct. Like if the subject, tone or mood changes then a new paragraph is ideal.
Otherwise, I really enjoyed it! If you write any sci-fi again, I'd definitely check it out.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sen.sosa
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