*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sevvygirl
Review Requests: OFF
13 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Sev
Rated: E | (3.0)
The feeling and descriptions were great. I could see the scene laid out for me in amazing detail. I'm left wondering who is the speaker and why is this dragon his/her passion? what does that mean for the narrator and what should the reader take from that. I feel like I got so much information but little knowledge. I would love to explore this seemingly unlikely paring and find out how the world works for them. Is there more of a story behind them? Or is this a fantasy commentary of the real word today? I'd love to know more.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by Sev
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I could picture the whole thing while I was reading. Even down to the looks a mother would give her son, and how she already knew. I could feel the apprehension and shock he would have felt. Over all it's great. I know it was a writers prompt but I feel like there could be at the very least a short story based around them. Great dialogue, great story. Well done!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by Sev
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love fantasy. I want to read a book based on this. it's well written and it has me wanting more. I feel the characters are well planned out and that the story could really take off. There are so many paths that this could take and I hope to see more of this story!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of FATE  
Review by Sev
Rated: E | (1.0)
This seems like it could be expanded on a great deal. It does need a lot of tweaking. There are no capitals, punctuation or quotations for the spoken parts. It's an intense scene it looks like, but I think it's lost with the misspellings, run on sentences and I think Kylie is referred to as another person outside of the scene then in the scene. I think this could a good start to really flesh out a great story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by Sev
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ok so I've been a Trekkie all my life, mainly because of my mom. So this story really hits home with me. I can honestly imagine it in any generation of the show but for me, I grew up on TNG. In my head it was that style and era. I like how you describe the feelings of the crew member as they're integrated into the ship, it's a very Star Trek conundrum to be honest. I would love to see the crew of the Sol figure it out and save the day... and their crew member.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Afterlife  
Review by Sev
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Great description and from what I could see no obvious spelling or grammar errors. The narrative is... to be honest horrifying. I can't imagine this being what happens to people after death. But with that, I feel like this could be a prologue to a short story or even a novel if you like the supernatural horror mystery like Koontz or King. I think I would really enjoy reading something expanded on this. Great job.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of The Patron  
Review by Sev
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this. It captured me with the well described scene and you made it so I wanted more. I want to know more! What are the Patrons and why do people have to serve them... Who, what, why and how... ALL the questions. This right here is along the lines of what I would reach. It seems to be YA which is great, I just want to know where this goes. It's so good!
8
8
Review by Sev
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I want to start off by saying, I know absolutely nothing about Yu-Gi-Oh! The extent of my knowledge is the name is familiar, there are cards and I think it's an anime. But I didn't feel lost in the story at all for not knowing the world it was written in. I feel like you did a great job translating it for every reader. The story had flow and great transitions. There were a few typos and spelling errors but nothing that detracted from the story at all. And funny enough, this is my very first requested review and I happen to be polyamorous. There is a good take on the poly lifestyle here, there is consent, knowledge, communication and respect. All in all it's very positive.

One of the things I'm a little lost on is the prostitution angle. Joan and Marc are very open about her being a prostitute but she's only ever had one client that was a blowjob. It seems very forced to have her handing out cards and offering herself only to find out she's not really done any of this. It's awkward and I'm not sure if you're relating poly to prostitution but it feels that way with her multitude of partners and not clients. I feel it says poly women are prostitutes. It may not at all be what you're projecting but as the reader it seems that's the connection.

The characters were real and easy to read. I don't know if you intended this, but just from this section I hate Seto as a person. A paragraph into his entrance and I wanted him smacked down with karma soo hard. But saying that.. eliciting such emotion from a reader is good! It means I'm invested in the story already. I find myself wanting to see what happens.
9
9
Review of The Warrior hero  
Review by Sev
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love it. It's powerful and hopeful. 2nd titled section part of the 1st? I feel like the ending to the first one was amazing
10
10
Review of Both roles  
Review by Sev
Rated: E | (1.5)
I get the story and the struggle depicted here. The spelling and grammar just need looked over. the use of "you" or "ya" instead of "your", "to" instead of "too". "ol" instead of "ole". punctuation and contractions can use some tweaking. the ellipses (should be only 3 "...") could be commas or the start of a new stanza instead of either. try to avoid using text slang like "bc" or "b/c" instead of because or "u" instead of "you". It has a great potential, as a mom I feel the strain of being a parent.
11
11
Review by Sev
Rated: E | (3.0)
It's not bad. I didn't really get a flow from it and feel like the message was lost in the adjectives. The use of "and" in many of the stanzas makes it feel more choppy. but over all I think it's a great start.
11 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sevvygirl