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1
1
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about running out of water.







What I liked most about this piece was the delightful ending. It held a wonderful moral for the rest of us.



Further Corrections & comments: This was a great piece. I enjoyed your tale because you told it so well. Good job.

My one comment to improve the piece would be to make sure you don't use word repetitions: back was the word that hit me most. You can always avoid such a repetition by substituting another word -- we returned or it won't be turned on . . .




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about running out of water.







This was extraordinary! Very lovely!



Further Corrections & comments:

It puzzled me for a second about who the "I" was, but, then it hit me -- Duh -- the poet. Slow processing, but it made this piece even more effective because I had to really pause and let each delicate detail be truly savored.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Water's Test  
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about running out of water.







Extraordinary! You made me thirsty with this piece!



Further Corrections & comments:

Were you actually in the Sahara or was that merely a description of your body's attitude? Either way it works, but I did wonder about the situation that prompted this dire piece of horrific NEED.

Excellent descriptions here. I especially liked: your brain, a kiln!




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about running out of water.







What I liked most about this piece was the scene and the way the villagers were so excited to see rain clouds that produced precious water.



Further Corrections & comments: complied seems the wrong word for the girl to say. Responded, answered?

This was really a nice piece until it became overly preachy. (Sorry, but just letting you know my reaction to it. I suppose it would be fine as reading material in a Sunday class, but you might want to tone it down a bit if you want a wider reading group.)

Watch the antecedents to your pronouns. For example, in the third to the last paragraph. "The clouds, filled with water, caused it to rain . . . They gathered . . . In the second sentence, they follows the noun clouds, but you mean it to refer to the villagers.





I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of You  
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about running out of water.







What I liked most about this piece was that it was absolutely fantastic. You were so in character that if I didn't know better I'd think you really were ten years old.



Further Corrections & comments:

Okay, I paused a moment at: They all have to pick the snake up. That's a no-no. It's pick up the snake, but, this ten-year-old may not be fixated on grammar rules, so who cares. LOL

Slow down on the ending in your rewrite. This is so good we don't want it to end. (But I bet you already have an extra couple of paragraphs since you pruned this down to an exact 1,000 words. )




I am so glad I got to read this. It was wonderful. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about cleaning/organizing one's living space, and ending up with something even more chaotic.







What I liked most about this piece was that it showed the intelligence of the woman. LOL



Further Corrections & comments:

This was certainly a different approach to the prompt. I found it quite amusing.




Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of Messy Room  
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about cleaning/organizing one's living space, and ending up with something even more chaotic.







What I liked most about this piece was the idea that children have a monster under the bed who always messed up their room. Now I understand my daughter's constant room messes when she was a child. LOL



Further Corrections & comments:

I'm not sure this met the prompt's challenge. Did he end up with a bigger mess at the end? Still, it was so cute that I'll accept it.

I do think you should tone done the boy's reaction to the first clean room: He smiles, proud of his work. That doesn't seem childlike. That sounds like an adult speaking.

He sighs, nods his head, etc. ??

Avoid "all of a sudden." Perhaps, he realizes he needs to pee? He finds himself hopping on one foot, clenching his legs (or is that something only girls do?) etc. SHOW vs TELL.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
d


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Dare I Disturb?  
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about cleaning/organizing one's living space, and ending up with something even more chaotic.







What I liked most about this piece was the idea of the disorder being in the shape of a huge tower of chaos. Yes, I could see that happening.



Further Corrections & comments:

I was a little let down by the ending. The line: Before anyone else thinks where might she be didn't seem like that would be a person's final thought when she believes she is about to die under an avalanche.

But I do realize this is meant to be light and fun. Perhaps you might want to change the line about being "certain" Death will find her.

Just a thought.

Otherwise, this was an amusing read.




Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about cleaning/organizing one's living space, and ending up with something even more chaotic.







What I liked most about this piece was the idea of turning spring cleaning into an art project. Personally, whenever I go to a "modern Art" museum, I have secretly wondered if that could be the inspiration for certain exhibits. LOL



Further Corrections & comments: I loved the ending -- the punchline! Very humorous.

Otherwise, at times, this felt stilted, as if you were determined to lengthen your sentences into paragraphs of one sentence. (Sorry) The most extreme of these was paragraph one. Try reading it aloud and see if you don't feel that it be improved with a bit of simplification. (Of course, as always, this is just one person's opinion.)


Why were the people honking? I wanted to see a bit from the outside, so I could understand what was disrupting the street.

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Use the following words/phrases in your story or poem. Bold them for the judge to find.

Amarillo
Where's Willy now?
extraterrestrial
interesting hypothesis
freezing temperatures








And what would Robert Frost say about this poem? LOL



Further Corrections & comments: I like the main character being a snail. Very clever. This was an interesting and amusing read.

Wouldn't it be a good idea to offer up and explanation as to the poem's history, or at least to give credit for the composition? Maybe that's is not mandatory, but I think it would be far more interesting for the average reader if the two poems were laid beside each other for a comparison. (Just an idea.)




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Missing  
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Use the following words/phrases in your story or poem. Bold them for the judge to find.

Amarillo
Where's Willy now?
extraterrestrial
interesting hypothesis
freezing temperatures








What I liked most about this piece was the surprise that the missing character was a dog. Very clever.



Further Corrections & comments: It was interesting when you lapsed into the thoughts of the dog, but it seemed a bit fake since we hadn't been introduced to him as a thinking individual before. Maybe a bit of foreknowledge prior to that?

Good idea for the alien, however. That makes us curious about what will happen next.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Fertile Soil  
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Use the following words/phrases in your story or poem. Bold them for the judge to find.

Amarillo
Where's Willy now?
extraterrestrial
interesting hypothesis
freezing temperatures








What I liked most about this piece were the hypothesis about why a human had sprung up in the cabbage field. Cute.



Further Corrections & comments:

I tripped over the calloused hands part when you're claiming the characters are horses. You might want to slip in an explanation about that. Evolution??

You need to decide firmly if the child is a girl or a boy. You mixed in both pronouns, so a reader is rather confused.

Interesting ideas. Having never raised cabbages, I don't have any idea if they like freezing weather. However, I'm sure they don't like hot sun since they're a fall crop here in Southern California, so that part makes sense.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Use the following words/phrases in your story or poem. Bold them for the judge to find.

Amarillo
Where's Willy now?
extraterrestrial
interesting hypothesis
freezing temperatures








What I liked most about this piece was the congeniality of the warm fireplace with the friendly couple. That was my favorite part.



Further Corrections & comments:

Interesting ending. I wonder why the aliens wanted the four people zoned out???

The last line was a bit confusing. If he's out of focus, who is telling us this? Do you see what I mean? The ending could switch to the viewpoint of the aliens. That would indeed be interesting.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Today, an old Johnny Cash album, called Bitter Tears arrived in my mailbox. One song on this album is about the Seneca, and their dealings with the Kinzua Dam, on the Allegheny River in Warren County, Pennsylvania.

One line out of the song: Cornplanter, can you swim? keeps my mind busy.
Who is Cornplanter? What is his story? Why is he important to the Seneca?

Story or poem.







What I liked most about this piece was the history lesson told succinctly. However, is this a poem? Definitions seem to accept almost anything, although they speak of elevated language, meter, emotional impact, etc. So, I guess one must accept this as a poem.



Further Corrections & comments:

Still, it felt non-poem like to me. Sorry.

Nice wrap-up of the story, though.

(Talk about a wishy-washy review from me. So sorry.)




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Swimming  
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Today, an old Johnny Cash album, called Bitter Tears arrived in my mailbox. One song on this album is about the Seneca, and their dealings with the Kinzua Dam, on the Allegheny River in Warren County, Pennsylvania.

One line out of the song: Cornplanter, can you swim? keeps my mind busy.
Who is Cornplanter? What is his story? Why is he important to the Seneca?

Story or poem.







What I liked most about this piece was the idea of using the prompt for a writing project. Very clever. I liked the way you brought the girl to her decision, too.



Further Corrections & comments:

It confused me when you called her mother Mrs. Then in the next line called her the girl's mother. Am I misreading something? I reread that line, something you don't want to make a reader do, but still came up with the same understanding. You might want to clarify that.

I think the girl was a little casual about the mysterious vision. I liked that she was actually from that tribe, but I think you need a bit more depth there. Also, when you edit, watch those repetitions: sat in the back, sat in silence, etc.

However, I think you did a nice job with this prompt.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of Dreamer  
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Today, an old Johnny Cash album, called Bitter Tears arrived in my mailbox. One song on this album is about the Seneca, and their dealings with the Kinzua Dam, on the Allegheny River in Warren County, Pennsylvania.

One line out of the song: Cornplanter, can you swim? keeps my mind busy.
Who is Cornplanter? What is his story? Why is he important to the Seneca?

Story or poem.







What I liked most about this piece was that you obviously did your research to write this piece. Bravo!



Further Corrections & comments:

"Dawn stretched her fingers over the Seneca land and with the light, came Handsome Lake's eager face." No comma after light, but I would put a comma after land for the second independent clause.

I was a little disappointed by the humor of the last sentence, but I understand that you used it to return to the prompt. It just seemed to me that this was a more serious piece -- but that's just my feeling. I suppose one could view this as the "MASH effect," the need for humor when the only other response is to cry.

I am so glad I got to read this. It was well written. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of Matters of Will  
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Ernest Hemingway wrote 47 endings to his novel, A Farewell to Arms before he finally settled on one sentence.

Use his final choice as the ending to your story or poem. Please bold it for the judges:

"After a while I went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain."

Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms







What I liked most about this piece was the basis of the tale. Great introduction to a longer story -- I hope. So much potential here.



Further Corrections & comments: If you do continue this, I'm wondering what the blood tests will show. Was he poisoned? Did she get her "reward?"

The use of the prompt didn't work extremely well for me., but qualified.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of The Dragon Hotel  
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Ernest Hemingway wrote 47 endings to his novel, A Farewell to Arms before he finally settled on one sentence.

Use his final choice as the ending to your story or poem. Please bold it for the judges:

"After a while I went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain."

Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms







What I liked most about this piece was the whole idea. Marvelous!



Further Corrections & comments: I loved the names of the hotel's staff. This piece was extremely creative and different.





I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (2.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Ernest Hemingway wrote 47 endings to his novel, A Farewell to Arms before he finally settled on one sentence.

Use his final choice as the ending to your story or poem. Please bold it for the judges:

"After a while I went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain."

Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms







I am confused. I read this twice, and I still don't know what to believe. Sorry. It was just a bit too much for me to latch on to the story.



Further Corrections & comments: You have some very interesting scenes in this piece. I hope you plump this tale out, or at least stick to one string of story. ????



Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Ernest Hemingway wrote 47 endings to his novel, A Farewell to Arms before he finally settled on one sentence.

Use his final choice as the ending to your story or poem. Please bold it for the judges:

"After a while I went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain."

Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms







What I liked most about this piece was the mystery of it all. What happened to this driver? Why did no one talk to him? Curious!



Further Corrections & comments:I would reduce the repetition a bit: remember could become -- recall -- a fuzzy recollection, images flashed through my mind, etc.

Good use of the prompt.

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of Guardian  
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Writer's Cramp Review








Your Prompt was:


Write a story or a poem that begins with this line, bolded:

"Strangely, the bells were silent that morning."







What I liked most about this piece was the unusual nature of the boy. That was a great surprise.



Further Corrections & comments:

I sense that this is an on-going tale. I hope it is. Readers will want to know how a boy becomes a dragon at will. I liked the boy's orange hair. That was fun.

Lots of tiny errors. I would guess you were rushed to get this in on time. I hope you'll take the time to edit this well. It has great potential. It felt like the conclusion came too abruptly. Where are the town's people coming out of hiding to cheer the boy?

Has the boy been the outcast of the community? Does this like Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, make him suddenly popular? I think I'd prefer that outcome rather than the summing it up with all future generations would keep a dragon in their midst -- not a bad idea, but even in a magical sense, one wants to know how this is done????

Is their a witch in their midst?

Is this hereditary?

Is this due to a magical stone, or something else found . . . where? how? etc.



Anyway, great job. Much potential!

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of Sound Reasoning  
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review








Your Prompt was:


Write a story or a poem that begins with this line, bolded:

"Strangely, the bells were silent that morning."







What I liked most about this piece was the interesting character you presented us with.



Further Corrections & comments: I was puzzled by the phrase "motored on over." I thought that meant John was in a motorized wheelchair, but the next line says he was shuffling. Was he pushing with his feet? Then why have a "motorized" wheelchair? Curious.

If the sound of the bells hurt his ears, was he suffering a hangover? Since he always rang the bells, I would imagine his ears must be way past tintinnabulation, a short yell from deaf????

But, as always, you've written a very enjoyable tale of a poem.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of Holiday Magic  
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review








Your Prompt was:


Write your STORY or POEM with the following as the LAST line, bolded:

She was WAY too excited about the holidays.







What I liked most about this piece was the sight of that little girl, forehead pressed against the window. What patience!



Further Corrections & comments:

This was really adorable. You did a nice job.

My only comment about improving the piece, maybe, is that you give us more information about sighting the Easter Rabbit. Perhaps, when the child is in bed, the adults all discuss it. What did the girl see?

Did the adults worry about her automatic belief in the other miracles?




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review of Holiday Dance  
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review








Your Prompt was:


Write your STORY or POEM with the following as the LAST line, bolded:

She was WAY too excited about the holidays.







What I liked most about this piece was the moral inside the poem. Yes, we forget the breathe and be present aspect of the holiday. Good reminder!



Further Corrections & comments:

Nicely done, but these lines stopped me:

At night she laid her down to rest. laid her head or lay down?

She tired to dance -- She tried to dance?

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of Viewpoints  
Review by Shaara NEW YEAR
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review








Your Prompt was:


In the US, today is Black Friday, a day of consumer greed, excess and exuberance - you know, true American values. Alternatively, it's Buy Nothing Day, a day on which to refrain from purchasing anything at all lest one get caught up in Black Friday madness. So, your mission is to write a story or poem about two (or more) people with contrasting views about Black Friday.








What I liked most about this piece was the honesty of the piece. Or, at least, at how I SEE it.



Further Corrections & comments:

You have some dynamite lines in this piece. I loved:"waits alongside brick buildings before roosters crowed" and that final stomach-clench: "He also shed a
tear or two, and wondered why Agreeā€™s eyes remained so dry." Powerful!




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara NEW YEAR


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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