Writer's Cramp Review
Your prompt was: Suddenly, a tornado strikes. Write a story or poem about it.
What I liked most about this piece was the whole scene you led us into, based on the prompt. Great creativity.
Corrections & comments:
I realize this piece is a first draft. As you work on it further, strengthen the scene with sensory: (for example: what does their sweat smell like? Does the power between them reek of rotten eggs, burning rubber, ozone, bad breath . . .
Let those verbs be more powerful: As in the first sentence: stood looking doesn't SHOW us anything. viewed, scanned, glanced scornfully . . etc.
Also this piece needs some character development. I really didn't know who was who in that first battle. (Yes, I realize you couldn't expand this piece due to the 1,000 word limit, but you can after the judging.)
Watch your antecedents. Each pronoun refers back to the noun preceding it. (Example: The warrior tightened his grip on his sword and lunged at the vile wizard. His blade (the wizard's?) hit an invisible barrier as Thron held up his hands. They (hands?) stayed in a gridlock momentarily.
Lastly, why did Einethan betray his people? We need some back story there.
Hope these suggestions help to strengthen this piece when you do your editing.
I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!
Judge for the Writer's Cramp
S h a a r a
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For a quick view of my writing, I recommend:
Each is an individual story that I will one day, hopefully, piece together into a novel.