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1
1
Review of Snow Angel  
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write about what happens in a grocery store the day before a snowstorm is predicted.




I am so sorry, but you failed to place the word count in the POSTING. I have to follow that rule and not consider your piece in the judging. But I can give you this review!




What I liked most about this piece was the tale of the homeless woman being saved by that other customer. That was very interesting.



Further Corrections & comments: Unfortunately, you left us with a whimper at the end. In other words. the climax came and went, and the story continued. Perhaps there could have been more tension in having other shoppers snapping about the slow service. Or we could have "seen" customers departing to the other lane? But the ending just seemed an afterthought. Sorry.



Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write about what happens in a grocery store the day before a snowstorm is predicted.









What I liked most about this piece was the lead up to the event. You managed to garner the apprehension, the tension, well.



Further Corrections & comments:

Cal it divine intuition if you want.” Call.


He’s only one person. He was only one person. Keep the tense consistent.




You did a good job with this piece. As you expand on it, you could give some description in the store. SHOW the people in line. Always add sensory. (the smell of fresh coffee brewing, the gum-chewing teenager (mint or juicy fruit?)the shiny floor of the store, except for the spots where fresh tracks of mud, sleet, rain had dirtied it, etc

Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!





Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was: Write your story or poem about a New Year's resolution that has failed before even the first week of the New Year is over.








What I liked most about this piece was the way the resolutions were tumbling one by one. Very cute.



Further Corrections & comments:

The setting was nice. I liked the characters, too. And the last resolution was perfect. Good job.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Stranded  
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write your story or poem about a New Year's resolution that has failed before even the first week of the New Year is over.








What I liked most about this piece was that you wrote about senior citizens. That's an age that most people don't address, which makes it far more interesting than another teenage story about unrequited love. LOL



Further Corrections & comments:

I liked the theme of this piece. I enjoyed the characters, although I couldn't SEE them. How about some characteristics, descriptions, sensory???

On the downside, this piece was very, very repetitive. You told us, then told us again. Some times you told us three times.

For instance, sentences two and three. If he lived on the third floor, do you need to tell us that he took the elevator to the third floor? The information about the bet is told over and over.

Why does this character volunteer such an extreme bet? Why doesn't he say, "I'll take you out to dinner?"

How does his girlfriend's resolution hold up? Has she already folded? We don't know that. Did she bet anything if she breaks hers? Could we see her dining on carrots and boiled eggs while he munches on chips?




This has a lot of potential when you clean it up and add a little more about the individuals. I hope you do some editing after today's contest is over.

Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!





Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of December Solstice  
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Today, December 21, 2018 - at 5:23pm Writing.Com time (that is, Eastern Time) - the December solstice occurs, marking the longest night of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. Write a story or poem about making it through the longest night and observing sunrise the next day.







This was amazing -- so full of drama. My heart practically raced with hers.



Further Corrections & comments:

Thank you for the happy ending. I can breathe again. Whew. This was wonderfully done. Background, description, mood, show vs. tell. Perfect. I loved the format, too.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Many years ago, an alien spaceship landed at the South Pole. As the landing crew disembarked to explore, they were met by Santa, Mrs. Claus and several elves. Write the STORY or POEM.







What I liked most about this piece was the fact that jolly old Saint Nick was willing to help an alien! LOL



Further Corrections & comments:

Nice job with the rhyming words.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of Holiday Magic  
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Many years ago, an alien spaceship landed at the South Pole. As the landing crew disembarked to explore, they were met by Santa, Mrs. Claus and several elves. Write the STORY or POEM.







Very cute. I liked the moral.



Further Corrections & comments:

This was creative, and it had a nice plot, too.

Santa shook his head and went back to his work station along with the elves. They had to get to work because there were many toys to be made and they were behind schedule.

You have used conversation for telling us much of the information, but this sentence is all TELL. You might want to paint a picture: Santa shook his head slowly, sighed deeply, then dragging his feet, headed back to his work area. His eyes peered up at the tower of toys, all unfinished -- a doll without her head, a toy train with no smoke stack, a wooden horse lacking its tail and mane . . . etc. In other words, stop, SHOW, then move on.






I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem featuring an unexpected snowstorm and a new kitten.







What I liked most about this piece was a snowstorm seen through the eyes of a kitten!



Further Corrections & comments: I enjoyed this tale of a kitty who was smart enough to realize that the best place to stay when it's cold outside is the inside of a comfortable, warm house.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of The Death of Puff  
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem featuring an unexpected snowstorm and a new kitten.







This was very, very sad. I'm feeling pain over a kitten I never met. Sigh.



Further Corrections & comments:

its cat. It's means it is.

I live in a non-snowing area, so I have no idea if this is a plausible piece, but I keep thinking that even a kitten is smarter than this. Wouldn't it snuggle underneath the house, clear up inside a fallen log. . etc?

Still, the emotion of this piece comes through loud and clear. Good job.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review







Your Prompt was:

A trip to a fast-food drive-thru goes incredibly wrong...







What I liked most about this piece was the action. Boy was a lot happening in this short piece!



Further Corrections & comments:

Why was there a still in the bathroom? Were they really making alcohol in there, or did you mean, stall?


I'd avoid the repetition: So, we tried this NEW place that had good reviews. Why not try something NEW, you know? So, we went for it. (Last sentence basically repeats the first.

(Personally, I'd use that first sentence and delete the other two.)

You wanted to think it would be so complicated to get food, especially fast food. All I wanted was a small chocolate shake, a . . . I think there's a typo in the beginning sentence here. I reread it, and still didn't catch the meaning. How about: It shouldn't be complicated to get food at a fast food restaurant. (Simplify!)

At least I wouldn’t be alone in my suffering. Judging by how we pulled up and see the boss’s girl just leave. At least I have my partner in crime with me. (Verb confusion. and saw. I had) Maybe you could combine these sentences?


I am so glad I got to read this. Although it was pretty rough, it was fun. I think it has real potential. Lots to expand, too.

Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!





Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Writer's Cramp Review




Your prompt was: Suddenly, a tornado strikes. Write a story or poem about it.





*Smile*  Great job! This has so much potential! What a creative and powerful tale. *Smile*


What I liked most about this piece were the way you SHOWED us the scenes. My favorite line: There was a greenish witch-like colour to them.
/c}


Corrections & comments:

Of course, there were quite a few errors that I know with time you'll be editing out.

Avoid began to or started to: Hail began to pelt us. Our clothes we smoked. Hail pelted us. What does the second sentence mean? Our clothes . . .?

Each of us made our way around the things that began to dump down into our path. things that avalanched into our path? things that were tossed . . . Actually, instead of things, it would be so much more vivid to say: A tree (for example) plummeted down. I swerved.

. . . back at the clouds, I decided that I didn't want this gear slowing me down. I through (threw) it down by the edge of the tress. Ebb did the same. Then we grabbed our bikes and started to pedal off down the road. (Avoid started to and began to: Then we grabbed our bikes and pedaled full speed -- or use a descriptive: pedaled faster than a high speed piston, or . . .

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


For a quick view of my writing, I recommend:
 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


Each is an individual story that I will one day, hopefully, piece together into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Writer's Cramp Review




Your prompt was: Suddenly, a tornado strikes. Write a story or poem about it.





*Smile*  This is puzzling, but full of promise. *Smile*


What I liked most about this piece was the fact that I was burning with questions. Who are these people? Are they gods/goddesses? Why did he need to leave? What will be the aftereffects of his failure to depart?


Corrections & comments:

I would start with: A scream. Using the implies that we've already been introduced: A sharp scream rattled the windows. The scream, sharp enough to pierce both ears and heart, gave full warning that the siege had begun.

If the "man" figured that she would erupt like she did, why hadn't he put away such valuables. Were they his or hers? If they were his, of course, he would have taken them with him, packed in his luggage. Or does this imply that he was returning, anyway.

Why would he remain with such an immature woman????

Good use of the tornado, even if this piece raised so many questions in the mind of the reader. (Probably these questions will be answered in your rewrites??)



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


For a quick view of my writing, I recommend:
 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


Each is an individual story that I will one day, hopefully, piece together into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of The Eye of Mist  
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Writer's Cramp Review




Your prompt was: Suddenly, a tornado strikes. Write a story or poem about it.





*Smile*   *Smile*


What I liked most about this piece was the whole scene you led us into, based on the prompt. Great creativity.


Corrections & comments:

I realize this piece is a first draft. As you work on it further, strengthen the scene with sensory: (for example: what does their sweat smell like? Does the power between them reek of rotten eggs, burning rubber, ozone, bad breath . . .

Let those verbs be more powerful: As in the first sentence: stood looking doesn't SHOW us anything. viewed, scanned, glanced scornfully . . etc.

Also this piece needs some character development. I really didn't know who was who in that first battle. (Yes, I realize you couldn't expand this piece due to the 1,000 word limit, but you can after the judging.)


Watch your antecedents. Each pronoun refers back to the noun preceding it. (Example: The warrior tightened his grip on his sword and lunged at the vile wizard. His blade (the wizard's?) hit an invisible barrier as Thron held up his hands. They (hands?) stayed in a gridlock momentarily.

Lastly, why did Einethan betray his people? We need some back story there.

Hope these suggestions help to strengthen this piece when you do your editing.

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


For a quick view of my writing, I recommend:
 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


Each is an individual story that I will one day, hopefully, piece together into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Writer's Cramp Review




Your prompt was: Suddenly, a tornado strikes. Write a story or poem about it.





*Smile*  Good descriptions. You took me there. *Smile*


What I liked most about this piece was that you didn't take me to see the aftermath. I've been seeing that on the news. Bad. bad. bad.


Corrections & comments: My favorite line: A greenish tinge turns the clouds to a sinister hue

I'm not sure about the word tinge, however. haze, oozing of evil, smudge . . .???

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


For a quick view of my writing, I recommend:
 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


Each is an individual story that I will one day, hopefully, piece together into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review





Your Prompt was:

The big news (apparently the only news) on the East Coast of the US is Hurricane Florence, who's lashing the Carolina coast as I write this. Write a story or poem about someone evacuating from a hurricane target.







What I liked most about this piece was that your words SHOWED the force of the wind.



Further Corrections & comments: This was nicely done. I thought the last line was a bit weak, but I understand the difficulty of the sonnet. What a challenge!

The last line changes the rating of the piece. I would suggest using a different word than hell-bent.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy Birthday Writing.com!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about a newly discovered planet with 18 moons, and being one of the first people to visit it. You must choose SciFi as one of your genres.







What I liked most about this piece was the eighteen questions. I think this piece held a great wisdom, I'm just not sure what it was. FOFL



Further Corrections & comments:

Although I would normally lecture on sensory input and character-building, I won't. This was light, funny, and highly confusing -- just the way it was meant to be.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of Fixer-Upper  
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy Birthday Writing.com!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about a newly discovered planet with 18 moons, and being one of the first people to visit it. You must choose SciFi as one of your genres.







This was wonderful. I really enjoyed the peek into this strange relationship.



Further Corrections & comments:

I liked what you did with the prompt. How creative to think of using moons as an investment device. Great promise here. I hope you write more about this couple.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy Birthday Writing.com!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about a newly discovered planet with 18 moons, and being one of the first people to visit it. You must choose SciFi as one of your genres.







What I liked most about this piece was that it was so cute.



Further Corrections & comments:

There were a few typos that a spell check would probably pick up, but nothing that detracted too much from comprehension.

I liked the character.

I didn't understand why he was now staying on that moon indefinitely. I thought he was returning to Earth. (Of course, with time differences . . .)

I thought you used great creativity with this piece, while sprinkling in a bit of science. Nice job.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of End of Summer  
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about the end of summer.







What I liked most about this piece was learning a new word, and the fact that this poem is excellent!



Further Corrections & comments:

I loved the use of mourning doves. How appropriate to your theme. Also summer's weeping children. Yes!!!!




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of Frankie  
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem featuring a puppet show that goes horribly wrong.







This was eerie! I liked it.



Further Corrections & comments:

It would be nice to have some spacing in this piece. It is very hard to read in its current format.

Although you set up the final scene by telling us about the nature of the puppets (Frankie sitting in the back seat,) I think some dialogue would have made it even more clear.

My suggestion is to let Frankie air is outrage instead of you telling us how he was ticked off about not being used.

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Tonight will feature a lunar eclipse - sadly for me, not visible from the US. Write a story or poem about observing, or attempting to observe, such an event.







What I liked most about this piece was your wonderful sense of humor! This is probably not politically correct, but it was a real kick!



Further Corrections & comments:

I am so sorry that I cannot consider this piece for the judging today. You forgot to include your word count in the posting. Sigh.

But I did give you a review anyway. I'm so glad I did. Great piece!




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

On this day (or tomorrow, depending on your time zone) 49 years ago, dudes walked on the moon for the first time. Write a story or poem about visiting the moon.





What I liked most about this piece was the line: The starkness a beauty of its own. Nice line. It made me SEE.



Further Corrections & comments:

How sad that their play was interrupted so abruptly. Such is the realm of space travel. Sigh.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of Spud Dud  
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Writer's Cramp Review




Your prompt was: oday is Friday the 13th! It's also National French Fry Day in the US, which is weird because a) we're not France and b) French Fries were actually invented in Belgium. Anyway, let's combine the two and write about an unlucky french fry.




*Smile*  This is slightly weird, but you have a good sense of humor.  *Smile*


What I liked most about this piece was the line: Personality Disorder: "I want to be a chip."


Corrections & comments:

Actually, maybe Monkey on my back - Catsup, I hate it. is an equal favorite.




This was most unusual. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~



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For a quick view of my writing, I recommend:
 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


Each is an individual story that I will one day, hopefully, piece together into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Sometimes when you come home from vacation, everything in the house seems to be broken. Write a story or poem about it.






What I liked most about this piece was the series of horribles. Well done with a collection of probable catastrophes.



Further Corrections & comments:

When you edit this piece you might want to do a bit more description with some sensory as well. (By the way, you might want to add that the water coming out of the faucet was brown. That always happens to us when the faucets haven't flowed during a long vacation. LOL




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of Family Vacation  
Review by Shaara New Year
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Sometimes when you come home from vacation, everything in the house seems to be broken. Write a story or poem about it.






What a horrible mistake! I don't blame Mom for deciding not to trust anyone else to do the final check.



Further Corrections & comments:

You have quite a bit of repetition.


The first thing we noticed was that the freezer had stopped working, ruining about $200.00 worth of food, which had been stored in it. (A reader knows the food was stored in the refrigerator. Delete", which had been stored in it."

"I'll have the power back on in a jiffy," I said "I believe is just a tripped breaker. There must have been a power surge or something that caused it to trip."

Sure enough I found that the breaker to the kitchen receptacles had been tripped and quickly reset it. Mom indicated that everything was still not running. This prompted me to check the main breaker and I found that it too had been tripped. (choose another word? Tripped has already been used -- shut off?)
I turned it back on and the lights in the house sprang to life and the refrigerator started to hum. "That did it", Mom said. "Whatever you did fixed it."

"I turned on the main breaker", I replied. "I don't know how it got turned off to begin with unless there was a power surge or something."

Hope my suggestion helps.


I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara New Year


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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