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1
1
Review of Spud Dud  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Writer's Cramp Review




Your prompt was: oday is Friday the 13th! It's also National French Fry Day in the US, which is weird because a) we're not France and b) French Fries were actually invented in Belgium. Anyway, let's combine the two and write about an unlucky french fry.




*Smile*  This is slightly weird, but you have a good sense of humor.  *Smile*


What I liked most about this piece was the line: Personality Disorder: "I want to be a chip."


Corrections & comments:

Actually, maybe Monkey on my back - Catsup, I hate it. is an equal favorite.




This was most unusual. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


For a quick view of my writing, I recommend:
 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


Each is an individual story that I will one day, hopefully, piece together into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Sometimes when you come home from vacation, everything in the house seems to be broken. Write a story or poem about it.






What I liked most about this piece was the series of horribles. Well done with a collection of probable catastrophes.



Further Corrections & comments:

When you edit this piece you might want to do a bit more description with some sensory as well. (By the way, you might want to add that the water coming out of the faucet was brown. That always happens to us when the faucets haven't flowed during a long vacation. LOL




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Family Vacation  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Sometimes when you come home from vacation, everything in the house seems to be broken. Write a story or poem about it.






What a horrible mistake! I don't blame Mom for deciding not to trust anyone else to do the final check.



Further Corrections & comments:

You have quite a bit of repetition.


The first thing we noticed was that the freezer had stopped working, ruining about $200.00 worth of food, which had been stored in it. (A reader knows the food was stored in the refrigerator. Delete", which had been stored in it."

"I'll have the power back on in a jiffy," I said "I believe is just a tripped breaker. There must have been a power surge or something that caused it to trip."

Sure enough I found that the breaker to the kitchen receptacles had been tripped and quickly reset it. Mom indicated that everything was still not running. This prompted me to check the main breaker and I found that it too had been tripped. (choose another word? Tripped has already been used -- shut off?)
I turned it back on and the lights in the house sprang to life and the refrigerator started to hum. "That did it", Mom said. "Whatever you did fixed it."

"I turned on the main breaker", I replied. "I don't know how it got turned off to begin with unless there was a power surge or something."

Hope my suggestion helps.


I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write about the one that got away...




What I liked most about this piece was the peek into a really great relationship and a wonderful boyish memory.



Further Corrections & comments:

I would also take away the line that comments on your grandmother's "way with words." It takes away from the reader's delight in the sentence before it.


Everybody mad a big deal out of Bruce’s giant fish. <-- This steps out of your first person story. I would alter the sentence to: Everybody made a big deal our of my giant fish.


I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write about the one that got away...




What I liked most about this piece was the character of Brie. I see lots of potential in such a character.



Further Corrections & comments:

I think this sped by too quickly to grab at. I really didn't understand what she was thinking. Why did she two-time? It made me not like your character who had so much potential to be liked.

This feels, to me, like you have the bones of a story, but it needs filling out more. I hope that helps, but remember I am only one person with an opinion. You are the writer.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Imagine That  
Review by Shaara
Rated: E | (4.0)
Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write about the one that got away...




What I liked most about this piece was the relationship between the two of them. I especially liked the way the old gent thought about what to say.



Further Corrections & comments:

I didn't like the name you gave the youngster. You might want to reconsider that, unless you let us into the reason behind the name. I hope it wasn't his given name. LOL

I would move "you don't say" down to the second paragraph, surrounding it with, perhaps, a description of the boy -- how old is he? Or perhaps that is the place to explain the strange name, Silly?

This has lots of potential since you gave us some good peeks into the two characters. You can add more of that, as well as some background and descriptions as you edit this piece.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write about the one that got away...




I liked the way you gave us a peak into the three different individuals. Good idea.



Further Corrections & comments:

You did a good job with this piece. I have heard that there is a big calling for such pieces in the religion genre.

I would send this tale through a spell check. It has quite a few errors.

Example: “Yep, there’s nothin’ better then givin’ to the Lord!” then should be than.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Away  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write about the one that got away...




What I liked most about this piece was the idea of writing about the love that got away. There's so much of that -- it's so very sad.



Further Corrections & comments:

Sometimes rhymers get caught up in worrying about the rhyming words. I prefer to see images. (Think about "the fog that walks on cat feet."

The first two stanzas were nice (especially #2!) but the third stanza just didn't do it for me. Sorry.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of Deadly Charms  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a short story or poem inspired by the following quotation:

"The brain may take advice, but not the heart."

Truman Capote





What I liked most about this piece was the consistency of your rhyming:



Further Corrections & comments:

You might want to work on the beat by counting the syllables in each line; clapping the rhythm, singing it, etc -




I am so glad I got to read this. You used the prompt well!

Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!





Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)



Your Prompt was:

Today’s the last day of instruction at uni, so your prompt today is the last day of school.


What I liked most about this piece was that it is obvious you put your heart and soul in this piece.



Further Corrections & comments:

This would make a great story if you decide to develop characters: I could see to friends getting riled up over the issue. Maybe one of them joins the picket line while the other mopes on the side.

Since I am a retired teacher I probably did not have as much sympathy for your side as you might like, but you did raise a good point.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Today’s the last day of instruction at uni, so your prompt today is the last day of school.


What I liked most about this piece was the idea of using a ghost for this prompt. Very clever. /b}



Further Corrections & comments:

I liked the way we were given the inward conversation, followed by the bus conversation, which made a nice contrast. /c}




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Papa's Ranch  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about a city dweller visiting a Western ranch.




What I liked most about this piece was how you told the story; nicely done.



Further Corrections & comments:

Paragraphs would be nice.

Also, avoid the repetitions




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

The cliché is that there are "two kinds of people in this world." Write a story or poem disputing that.




What I liked most about this piece was the whole idea. Great concept, great use of the prompt.



Further Corrections & comments:

However, this was a pretty rough version. I couldn't always follow your meaning. I know that when you edit this piece, it will be really, really good.

Poor burro! He has the worst of it.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

The cliché is that there are "two kinds of people in this world." Write a story or poem disputing that.




This was great. It gave me hope! LOL



Further Corrections & comments:

I would have made three paragraphs out of the one where you gave your three-person example: ie, new paragraph about Alex. New paragraph about Ethan.

But it was also okay the way you did it.

Otherwise, I enjoyed your tale very much.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of The Hang'n Tree  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write your story or poem about a neighbors' dispute over a tree.

What I liked most about this piece was the poetic way you use language -- such a delight. I especially liked" Smaller branches had fallen below to help stick rambling Tumbleweed in place.



Further Corrections & comments:

This is very rough. I had some difficulty following the tale. It really broke down when the car's driver & passengers switched to the scene with the ghosts.

I hope you work to smooth this piece out because it has such great potential. I loved the contrast of the ghost thugs with the modern day (much-worse) thugs. LOL




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of May 2018  
for entry "A Neighbourly Dispute
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write your story or poem about a neighbors' dispute over a tree.

What I liked most about this piece was the ridiculousness of the "neighborly" conversation.



Further Corrections & comments: This was fun. I'm sure glad this is fictitious -- although, we truly need such disputes to keep the lawyers in GREEN. LOL



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of Growing Culture  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Tomorrow, May 5, is Cinco de Mayo. Write a story or poem explaining the celebration to someone who hasn't heard of it.


What I liked most about this piece was the wonderful tale taking place inside that classroom. (Personally I hate hearing about teachers acting like know-it-alls, especially when they are discussing something they don't know about, but . . . you did it so well.



Further Corrections & comments:

I loved the interesting historical facts you brought into this piece. I loved the way the children "mocked" the teacher, even though I shouldn't have enjoyed it so much (hanging head in shame.)

My biggest complaint is that you made the teacher almost a caricature. You might want to tone that down a bit -- especially "now sit your butt down." I don't know a single teacher who would say that.




I am so glad I got to read this. It was quite funny. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of A Fast Day  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

I've been anticipating the latest Avengers movie for a long time, and I got to see it last night. I was not disappointed, but I'm usually a pessimist so it got me thinking: Write a story or poem about being disappointed by something you've been waiting for.



What I liked most about this piece was the reason for the chocolates being tosses --or did that infestation happen while in waiting? Either way, this was a riveting tale.



Further Corrections & comments:

I've never heard of making little children fast like that. Was it a common thing to do in your community?

There were some errors in this piece that I'm sure you'll pick up with a careful read over when you do your editing, but the bones of the piece are great. Did all you kids get literally sick or just figuratively?

... while waiting to be feed (fed.) was an example.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Slumber Denied  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Prompt by: Robert Waltz was:

Write a story or poem about not getting enough sleep.





What I liked most about this piece was that we could all identify with this. Usually my culprit is a cup of coffee or tea (or cocoa) too late in the afternoon. Caffeine really, really effects me!



Further Corrections & comments:

I liked all the actions you gave your attempts. It turned this poem into a very vivid display of sleep-interferences!



By the way: Whenever you make a mistake in posting, simply EDIT the posting. No need to do it all over again.


I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Prompt by: Robert Waltz was:

Write a story or poem about not getting enough sleep.





What I liked most about this piece was that the topic was actually CATS. Being a cat person, I was able to nod my head throughout. LOL



Further Corrections & comments:

My favorite lines:
But no, it's just the cat (Chakotay), comfy as can be
He's made his nightly perch on my thoracic cavity

hThis line stopped me twice, trying to figure it out. I'd do some rewriting. (Although it's very clear now. Maybe it was just me???)

head-butts n' such direct me where to scratch, n' for how long




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Prompt by: Robert Waltz was:

Write a story or poem about not getting enough sleep.





This was very cute. Being cat-owned I can identify with the yowls of demand that come when you desire more sleep than the cat feels you deserve. LOL



Further Corrections & comments:

The line: You can tell that I angry? needs a correction.

I have to tell you, that for me, retirement did not mean sleeping LATE.


I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of The Cathedral  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was: by Robert Waltz

Write a story or poem about finding out that something that was thought to be bad for you is actually good for you.





What I liked most about this piece was the mystery and its resolution. Good job. That really kept me reading.



Further Corrections & comments:

One of his sage’s came behind him. “Is all well sire?”

One of his sages came up behind him. "is all well, Sire?"

This is rough, but well-worth editing. Try to SHOW using sensory: Can the cathedral smell like cinnamon, vanilla, pine??? Can the king's wrinkles wrinkle with delight at the sight of his son? Can the young prince wipe a tear, shudder, sigh??? Can people hear something? Can you PAINT a picture of the cathedral?


I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of Shelled  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was: by Robert Waltz

Write a story or poem about finding out that something that was thought to be bad for you is actually good for you.





What I liked most about this piece was the recovery he made.



Further Corrections & comments: I liked the image of the shell breaking.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review of 3/31 entry  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was: by Bianca

While surfing on Youtube I found a Johnny Cash show from many years ago.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxzgJAkHrvQ

I got stuck listening to the beautiful Gospel music, as my son entered the room. "Who is that lady?" he asked, pointing on Mahalia Jackson, singing Amazing Grace...

Your mission: Explain to a child who Mahalia was, and what she achieved during her life.




What I liked most about this piece was that you gave a good history of Mahalia Jackson. I would have liked more SHOW vs. TELL, but . . .

You also need to read it through. There are many mistakes that keep this from flowing smoothly.





Further Corrections & comments: I am very sad to say that I have to disqualify your piece, however, because you didn't follow the rule about placing your word count in the POSTING of the piece. Sorry.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of The Singer  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was: by Bianca

While surfing on Youtube I found a Johnny Cash show from many years ago.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxzgJAkHrvQ

I got stuck listening to the beautiful Gospel music, as my son entered the room. "Who is that lady?" he asked, pointing on Mahalia Jackson, singing Amazing Grace...

Your mission: Explain to a child who Mahalia was, and what she achieved during her life.




What I liked most about this piece was that it was beautifully written. You Showed us your childhood (whether it was a fictional childhood or not is unimportant.)



Further Corrections & comments:

Unfortunately, I don't think you explained her achievements in life. I'd liked to have heard more about her role as a champion of black rights, how she broke history with her singing and TV career, how she joined forces with the Rev. Martin Luther King, etc.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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