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1
1
Review of Slumber Denied  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Prompt by: Robert Waltz was:

Write a story or poem about not getting enough sleep.





What I liked most about this piece was that we could all identify with this. Usually my culprit is a cup of coffee or tea (or cocoa) too late in the afternoon. Caffeine really, really effects me!



Further Corrections & comments:

I liked all the actions you gave your attempts. It turned this poem into a very vivid display of sleep-interferences!



By the way: Whenever you make a mistake in posting, simply EDIT the posting. No need to do it all over again.


I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Prompt by: Robert Waltz was:

Write a story or poem about not getting enough sleep.





What I liked most about this piece was that the topic was actually CATS. Being a cat person, I was able to nod my head throughout. LOL



Further Corrections & comments:

My favorite lines:
But no, it's just the cat (Chakotay), comfy as can be
He's made his nightly perch on my thoracic cavity

hThis line stopped me twice, trying to figure it out. I'd do some rewriting. (Although it's very clear now. Maybe it was just me???)

head-butts n' such direct me where to scratch, n' for how long




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Prompt by: Robert Waltz was:

Write a story or poem about not getting enough sleep.





This was very cute. Being cat-owned I can identify with the yowls of demand that come when you desire more sleep than the cat feels you deserve. LOL



Further Corrections & comments:

The line: You can tell that I angry? needs a correction.

I have to tell you, that for me, retirement did not mean sleeping LATE.


I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Just a second  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Prompt by: Robert Waltz was:

Here in the US, it's almost the dreaded income tax form submission deadline (usually April 15, but extended as that falls on a Sunday). Write a story or poem about a last-minute tax procrastinator. (It doesn't have to be me.)




This is all very true. Good last line.



Further Corrections & comments: I prefer poems that use correct punctuation. It is far easier to read them: ex.: last year's tax return.



Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of The Cathedral  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was: by Robert Waltz

Write a story or poem about finding out that something that was thought to be bad for you is actually good for you.





What I liked most about this piece was the mystery and its resolution. Good job. That really kept me reading.



Further Corrections & comments:

One of his sage’s came behind him. “Is all well sire?”

One of his sages came up behind him. "is all well, Sire?"

This is rough, but well-worth editing. Try to SHOW using sensory: Can the cathedral smell like cinnamon, vanilla, pine??? Can the king's wrinkles wrinkle with delight at the sight of his son? Can the young prince wipe a tear, shudder, sigh??? Can people hear something? Can you PAINT a picture of the cathedral?


I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Shelled  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was: by Robert Waltz

Write a story or poem about finding out that something that was thought to be bad for you is actually good for you.





What I liked most about this piece was the recovery he made.



Further Corrections & comments: I liked the image of the shell breaking.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of 3/31 entry  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was: by Bianca

While surfing on Youtube I found a Johnny Cash show from many years ago.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxzgJAkHrvQ

I got stuck listening to the beautiful Gospel music, as my son entered the room. "Who is that lady?" he asked, pointing on Mahalia Jackson, singing Amazing Grace...

Your mission: Explain to a child who Mahalia was, and what she achieved during her life.




What I liked most about this piece was that you gave a good history of Mahalia Jackson. I would have liked more SHOW vs. TELL, but . . .

You also need to read it through. There are many mistakes that keep this from flowing smoothly.





Further Corrections & comments: I am very sad to say that I have to disqualify your piece, however, because you didn't follow the rule about placing your word count in the POSTING of the piece. Sorry.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of The Singer  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was: by Bianca

While surfing on Youtube I found a Johnny Cash show from many years ago.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxzgJAkHrvQ

I got stuck listening to the beautiful Gospel music, as my son entered the room. "Who is that lady?" he asked, pointing on Mahalia Jackson, singing Amazing Grace...

Your mission: Explain to a child who Mahalia was, and what she achieved during her life.




What I liked most about this piece was that it was beautifully written. You Showed us your childhood (whether it was a fictional childhood or not is unimportant.)



Further Corrections & comments:

Unfortunately, I don't think you explained her achievements in life. I'd liked to have heard more about her role as a champion of black rights, how she broke history with her singing and TV career, how she joined forces with the Rev. Martin Luther King, etc.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Spring is finally here! And just after the Vernal Equinox, we got dumped on by a load of distinctly winter-style snow. Write a story or poem about this event.




What I liked most about this piece was that you actually referred to the topic metaphorically. Interesting.



Further Corrections & comments:

Your story stopped me and forced me to reread when you changed POV. If this third person singular, can you tell us the inner thoughts of the man? First person that works well, but third? AT least for me, it caused the reread and didn't really work well. If you want to show how he is feeling in third person, SHOW.

SHOW: His face lit up. (cliche, however) His eyebrows raised. He licked his lips. He stuttered, then turned red.





I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day. Write a story or poem explaining this day to someone who's never heard of it.




What I liked most about this piece was the ending with: a smarter but poorer man.



Further Corrections & comments:

The last line has a typo. Correct it, and this will be a very cute tale. (Loved the play on words.)

"Paddy O'Brien lifted his green beer to his swarthy Irish lips and gave a toast to the creature before him. “I shouldn’t have to explain the blarney to such as you.” He wasn’t quite drunk, yet. You might say he was just this side of it. " Since creature is the now before /c}




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Kelly's Book  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

From Robert Waltz Resting in a bin at a yard sale is the strangest "How-To" book ever written. What is it about?





What I liked most about this piece was the wonderful creativity. Bravo. That's a book I'd like to get a copy of.



Further Corrections & comments: This was a clever fantasy/sci/fi. You've got the workings of a great book -- one where you don't have to TELL the ending. SHOW us.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of How To Backafer  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

From Robert Waltz Resting in a bin at a yard sale is the strangest "How-To" book ever written. What is it about?





What I liked most about this piece was the interesting gismo game you came up with.



Further Corrections & comments:

I liked the way it captivated Jane, but I especially liked your names and the reason behind them. LOL

This was fun. The ending came a little too abruptly, but I know word count is always an issue.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Rebirth  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

From Robert Waltz I thought I was safe. February, my most hated month (and, in a paradox, seemingly the longest one) was over. And then it happened, in rapid succession: The wind picked up outside, cutting off power to my house; I experienced biohazard-level food poisoning; and I spent last night alternating between being too cold and too hot, but hardly sleeping at all. So, for tomorrow, write a story or poem about things getting better from here. (No need to make it about "me," just something like this situation.)






What I liked most about this piece was the futuristic aspects. Great potential for a novel here.



Further Corrections & comments:

We caught it soon enough this version of life support has you trapped between the great beyond and hovering close to earth. (Run-on sentence)

A nurse was at my side sleeping. < This sentence needs works. Do you mean she was in bed with him? Perhaps in a chair nearby?

Gives us more sensory. I liked the sounds of the machines. Does the nurse wear perfume, smells of the hospital? I would imagine there would be some finger tingling, arching of back, legs, etc.

This has lots of potential. I liked what you did with the prompt.







I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Faith  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

From Robert Waltz I thought I was safe. February, my most hated month (and, in a paradox, seemingly the longest one) was over. And then it happened, in rapid succession: The wind picked up outside, cutting off power to my house; I experienced biohazard-level food poisoning; and I spent last night alternating between being too cold and too hot, but hardly sleeping at all. So, for tomorrow, write a story or poem about things getting better from here. (No need to make it about "me," just something like this situation.)






What I liked most about this piece was the white feather drifting down. Nice.



Further Corrections & comments:

"You will be healed."
I hear, in my head?

I would probably punctuate this:

"You will be healed,"
I hear in my head.

(Although most folks say that since nothing is said aloud, it does not need any quotation marks. Another option is to put "you will healed" into italics -- without the quotation marks.)




Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Dear Diary  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

As all two of my loyal Comedy Newsletter fans know, I recently experienced one of my greatest fears: my laptop died suddenly (and my mobile phone is a pale substitute). Write a story or poem about what you might do if you were - and I'm sorry if this fills you with a sense of existential dread - without internet for four entire days.









What I liked most about this piece was that the break from the Internet worked out so positively. Bravo!



Further Corrections & comments: I liked the change of attitude with everyone. This made for a very believable family outing. Nicely done.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of No Internet  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

As all two of my loyal Comedy Newsletter fans know, I recently experienced one of my greatest fears: my laptop died suddenly (and my mobile phone is a pale substitute). Write a story or poem about what you might do if you were - and I'm sorry if this fills you with a sense of existential dread - without internet for four entire days.









What I liked most about this piece was the pleasant cadence of the poem. And it was very cute.



Further Corrections & comments:

I especially liked the part about how you almost decided to learn to knit but couldn't without the Internet.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

As today is Groundhog Day, write a story or poem about Groundhog Day - the day, the classic Bill Murray movie, or both.









What I liked most about this piece was the character you created. Very interesting ground hog! LOL



Further Corrections & comments: It was confusing at times as to who was the narrator. Having Phil refer to himself in third person singular often caused me to reread, wondering if there was a second animal doing the talking.

Clever ending!




I am so glad I got to read this. Cute idea. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of Showdown  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Use this line from the song "16 Candles" by the Crests as the LAST line of your STORY or

POEM. Bold it. Genre is Western. (You must choose this as one of your Genres.)

"Sixteen candles make a lovely light."







What I liked most about this piece was, of course, the surprise about the kind of gun being used in the shoot-out. LOL



Further Corrections & comments: I liked the idea of quadruples having a birthday. Nice.

I'm not sure that it made sense for a four-year-old to have a watch, or that he would know that it was an hour before the fight, but it was fun. At the time, I just wondered why an old West cowboy would have a watch.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Jackie's Birthday  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Use this line from the song "16 Candles" by the Crests as the LAST line of your STORY or

POEM. Bold it. Genre is Western. (You must choose this as one of your Genres.)

"Sixteen candles make a lovely light."







What I liked most about this piece was the way that Jackie honored her friend on her birthday. That was quite touching.



Further Corrections & comments:

Please remember that entries MUST post the word count in the POSTING!

It would help readers if you would use paragraph spacing. Without it, a story is very hard on the eyes.

This story is pretty much all TELL. It has a wonderful tale to SHOW, if you choose to work on it.

Sometimes, too, conversation can be used to inform of us of a background.




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of Bamboozled!  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Use this line from the song "16 Candles" by the Crests as the LAST line of your STORY or

POEM. Bold it. Genre is Western. (You must choose this as one of your Genres.)

"Sixteen candles make a lovely light."







What I liked most about this piece was that the sheriff was not only a woman, but the man's mother. Good surprise there.



Further Corrections & comments: Some of your expressions, however colorful, were just a shade hard to follow. I loved the authenticity, but . . . Old Pod??? That one took me into today's world. I was wondering if he called his father after his music maker. LOL Or is that merely a typo?

This is just a stray thought I had, but, would bank robbers be silly enough to gallop into town, tiring out their horses before the get-away, not to mention attracting attention . . .?




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Use this line from the song "16 Candles" by the Crests as the LAST line of your STORY or

POEM. Bold it. Genre is Western. (You must choose this as one of your Genres.)

"Sixteen candles make a lovely light."







What I liked most about this piece was the way you wrapped a little bit of shiver into this western poem -- and still ended the poem with the magic line! Wow!



Further Corrections & comments: I liked the way the ending made this poem hold that feeling of loss and heartbreak. The reader is forced to reread, seeking more clues, but still comes up scratching his head. A true cowboy mystery!



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about running out of water.







What I liked most about this piece was the delightful ending. It held a wonderful moral for the rest of us.



Further Corrections & comments: This was a great piece. I enjoyed your tale because you told it so well. Good job.

My one comment to improve the piece would be to make sure you don't use word repetitions: back was the word that hit me most. You can always avoid such a repetition by substituting another word -- we returned or it won't be turned on . . .




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of Water's Test  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about running out of water.







Extraordinary! You made me thirsty with this piece!



Further Corrections & comments:

Were you actually in the Sahara or was that merely a description of your body's attitude? Either way it works, but I did wonder about the situation that prompted this dire piece of horrific NEED.

Excellent descriptions here. I especially liked: your brain, a kiln!




I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about running out of water.







What I liked most about this piece was the scene and the way the villagers were so excited to see rain clouds that produced precious water.



Further Corrections & comments: complied seems the wrong word for the girl to say. Responded, answered?

This was really a nice piece until it became overly preachy. (Sorry, but just letting you know my reaction to it. I suppose it would be fine as reading material in a Sunday class, but you might want to tone it down a bit if you want a wider reading group.)

Watch the antecedents to your pronouns. For example, in the third to the last paragraph. "The clouds, filled with water, caused it to rain . . . They gathered . . . In the second sentence, they follows the noun clouds, but you mean it to refer to the villagers.





I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of You  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about running out of water.







What I liked most about this piece was that it was absolutely fantastic. You were so in character that if I didn't know better I'd think you really were ten years old.



Further Corrections & comments:

Okay, I paused a moment at: They all have to pick the snake up. That's a no-no. It's pick up the snake, but, this ten-year-old may not be fixated on grammar rules, so who cares. LOL

Slow down on the ending in your rewrite. This is so good we don't want it to end. (But I bet you already have an extra couple of paragraphs since you pruned this down to an exact 1,000 words. )




I am so glad I got to read this. It was wonderful. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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