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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sherwood561
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14 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Aza's Avatar  
Review by sherwood561
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
I really like this! Especially the ending. The first part is a little confusing. Maybe give more info about the setting? Who are Ram and Semya? Are they only teammates, or do they have other roles, too? I would give some more description. Overall, though, this is a very good start.
2
2
Review by sherwood561
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love the personification here! Also, the rhyming makes it really intriguing.
You may want to think about how to make it a bit clearer or easier to read. Use of punctuation may help-quote marks and commas in-between lines as needed makes a big difference. Also, making it where there are not capital letters at the beginning of each line-that makes it a little hard to read (this is coming from a reading specialist).
Overall, good start!
3
3
Review of Bring Me Home  
Review by sherwood561
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love the emotion of the characters here! It feels like you have painted a picture of them in just a few sentences! Very nice! Also, the wording: "there were better ways to break up with someone." I love it!
You may want to think about the ending a bit. How can you make it more dramatic? Can you have Sally see him go into space?
Also, Frank is her husband-not her boyfriend. So it is implied they have been together awhile. Did she believe he was from another planet at one time? Or was she with him, even though she didn't believe him? Or was this the first time he had told her he was from another planet? Some background would be helpful to make this more intriguing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review by sherwood561
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a great start! I love the way you described the setting. And the little boy-I can just see him bringing him joy! 1 thing you might want to think about is the ending. Can you make it clearer that joy is going out of the building? Or describe how the boy brought joy, but now it is gone? Think of how you could make it more poignant.
But overall, a great job.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by sherwood561
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a great piece! You did an excellent job with creating the dialect and giving off an air of mystery to set the scene for the novel.
Here are a couple of things that might be improved:
-Watch comma usage.
-Consider including some more about the historical background, maybe a map at the beginning or something. Of course, this could also go after the prologue.
Overall, excellent work!
6
6
Review by sherwood561
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
This is a good start. I like the advice you give; it is very poignant. One thing that might help is if you have some stories or examples with your points. For example, for number 5, do you have a story about how someone puffed themselves up by the hard work of others and suffered because of it? Also, think about your transitions. Some more framing or structure would add a lot.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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