I really enjoyed this poem. Depression can be very hard to write about while avoiding cliched images of sadness, but you did a great job!
I have read the first two verses over and over. The imagery is awesome and knowing that it is about depression makes the aura they create...personal to me. It is great. Cunning passages and contrived corridors are perfect descriptors for a state of mind.
I also like the phrase "arboreal gloom". I love to use trees in my writing and to read poems with trees or references to trees. And to me they are always in a state of gloom.
If I had any suggestion at all it would simply be to have a tiny bit more consistency in syllable count. It is a lesson I learned the hard way that sometimes one to two syllables can change everything.
I really really liked this poem! It was a really good length and the subject matter felt very personal to me. I often find myself aggressive and erosive and so the title and the way it IS the poem...Mortified and Modified....it became my favorite line.
The musicality that the poem had was very enjoyable. I immediately fell into a reading rhythm. It was nice.
I liked reading this very much actually. Sometimes shorter pieces are hard to read and get a good grasp on both what came before and what will come. But I think you did a very good job of that. I really liked that.
I don't really have any suggestions on how to improve....I think you did a great job!
I love the fire wisps. In the first chapter they were mentioned but they were not explained and I was left wondering if it was a vocabulary mistake! I am glad you explained them, although I would probably do this in the first chapter.
I enjoy the fantasy novel structure of short chapters focusing on different characters or aspects...allowing the reader's mind to flit back and forth subconsciously making connections.
Hi! I am doing this review as part of The Poetic Exploration Group.
I enjoyed this Diamante! I found that I enjoyed both writing and reading this form. I like your choice of the words coal and diamond.
I really like the repetition of starting letters in each line, but there is one tiny thing that kinda threw off the flow for me - the two lines in a row using B. However that is very small and wasn't a huge detriment to begin with.
I love things like this. "Official documents" created for a story. This one was very good. Even though I didn't know what much of the flight talk meant I still enjoyed it and was not struck by the thought that I didn't know what was going on at any time. I definitely wanted to keep reading to see what had happened to him or what was going to happen to him.
It would not have mattered one bit what the topic of this was....I would have read it no matter what because of the format! I loved it!!
I really enjoyed reading this. A first I kept thinking.....this is pretty good...then I got to the end when she asks for a story and you fulfill the prompt requirement and I thought ...no this is really good. That last line made the entire story worth it to me!!
In the very beginning though there is a tiny mistake....you have Gery instead of Gerty! Just small and no big deal at all.
I am going to review this based on what is up there.....although it says Chapter 1...perhaps it was to be a summary of a first chapter?
I think it seems like a great first sentence to a book. It pulls the reader in with a question and hints at something deeper or more to come. Maybe because in your description I learned that the boy had lost his parents....but the combination definitely makes me want to rad further and find out why or how or what will happen next!
I didn't even need to know there was a story for this character to enjoy this. Character sketch or in depth reviews are some of my favorite things to write and read.
I had no problems picturing Raven based on your description. I also had no problem believing she would react in the ways you describe because you wrote such a believable character. I enjoy this genre and this definitely made me want to read the story!
I read this poem twice before reviewing it. I NEVER EVER sleep and so this poem could have been written about me. I loved it. It really did a nice job of capturing some of the feelings of insomnia without even being the one afflicted. I wish my husband understood this well. :)
This essay definitely did what it was supposed to do because it made me want to debate with you about Of Mice and Men. :) I think it is very well written although occasionally the sentence structure is kind of....halting..and interrupted the flow for me. Also....in the third paragraph it should say "Although" rather than "All though" but that is just a small thing! Arguing (okay okay....debating) is one of my favorite things to do so this essay making me want to debate the book is the highest praise from me. :)
This was good. The scene with her nightmare is very intriguing, I want to know what that is about and also.... I want to know what is going to happen when George finds out. ;) There is a tense change in the last paragraph where it begins in present tense then goes back to past.
I like this poem. It speaks to me and my own abuse. The only thing I noticed is that when you build something it is a "raising" when you destroy something it is a "razing". But that is minor and it certainly doesn't detract from the impact that the poem has. ;)
I liked this poem. This is not my favorite style but I gave it a try anyway and the theme of the poem spoke to me and the way I write.
There were a couple times the rhythm was interrupted because I would notice that a line could go with the line above it or below it. Not a big deal and actually I liked that....but it did halt my flow. :)