|Hey Celloh, I like your introduction to your novel. It looks like a promising start for an up and coming novelist. I look forward to seeing the rest of this novel.
That being said, I did notice a couple technical mistakes.
"Shore city" -> I believe what you meant was "coastal city"
"But it had a one major flaw" -> You can't start a sentence with "but", it should be attached to the sentence before. Also, you used both "a" and "one".
"There was a river in the midst of the city" -> "Midst" is an odd choice here. "Middle" would be better. Midst usually used in an abstract context. When talking about the physical position of a river, "middle" is more fitting.
"it was called Middle Man because of how it flowed through the city" -> I think it's pretty obvious why it is called "Middle Man". Explaining it seems redundant.
"between the houses there was a dark alleyway because of the limited money the houses were made so that they were inches away from eachother."
This last one has quite a lot going on. First of all "between the houses there was a..." Which houses exactly? If there were alleys between every house in the city that wouldn't be confusing but it's clear that you are talking about a single alley in the rest of the sentence.
Another thing about that sentence is that it's actually multiple sentences formatted incorrectly. There's the first clause "there was an alleyway" and the second one "they were inches away from each other". These two are seperate so they should have a full stop between them.
So "Between two houses there was a dark alleyway. (...) They were inches away from each other."
You should also flip the second sentence so that it's an active. An active sentence is when the subject is emphasized and a passive sentence is when the object is emphasized. An example of an active sentence is "The workers built the house". The passive version of that sentence is "The house was built by workers."
So your second sentence should be "The houses were inches away from each other because of the limited amount of money they were made with." Notice that when you're talking about money spent on a building you should say "with" but you should say "of" when you're talking about the materials it was made with. Also, "eachother" should be seperated.
All together, that sentence should read:
"Between two houses there was a dark alleyway. The houses were inches away from each other because of the limited amount of money they were made with."
The next sentence, "There was a woman in this alleyway she had a terrified face and she was running."
This one can also be seperated into two sentences as there are two clauses in this one as well ("There was a woman" and "she was running"). However I think it would be a better idea if you simply rearranged it a bit.
For example, faces can't really be terrified. A person can be terrified and as a result they will look like a terrified person. So instead of "She had a terrified face" you can say "she looked terrified".
One of the clauses can be entirely eliminated as well. So instead of saying "she was in the alley and she was running" you can just say "She was running in the alley". So with these changes and a couple other tweaks this sentence can be made into something like;
"There was a terrified looking woman running through this alleyway."
"While she ran she was staggering". Again,this is an unnecessarily long sentence. It can also benefit from using a simple past tense rather than a past continuous.
So, a better revision of that same sentence should be "She staggered as she ran."
There should be a space after each full stop. You missed one after that sentence. "Staggering.Her"
"She was followed by some persons". Couple issues with this one. The plural of "person" is "people". Another issue is that you've used a simple past tense here when it should be a past continuous because she is in the process of being followed. So it should be "She was being followed by some people."
An optional change to the sentence would be to remove "by some people" because it's redundant. Obviously people are going to be following her, not cats or dogs.
The next sentence is a bit wonky.
"At first, 30 minutes ago, she noticed that a man with a robe and hood was following her."
This sentence should be a past perfect since it is something that had happened before the events that are happening in the past right now. (That's one hell of a sentence!). Also, you should use "thirty" and not 30. It makes it easier on the eyes. At first doesn't fit here since it is followed immediately by another indicator time. Also, "aman" should be seperated and "a robe and a hood" can be simplified into "a hooded robe".
With all of that in mind, the sentence should be;
"She had noticed a man in a hooded robe following her thirty minutes ago."
"She couldn't go to guards" -> need a "the" before guards.
You misspelled "house" as "hose". Two sentences after that one.
"She wanted to scream so that people in the street..." -> "that" is unnecessary here. You can remove it entirely.
"She couldn't move an inch it was either from fear or from the dark aura the man behind her was 'holding'."
Once again, this sentence has two clauses. "She couldn't move" and "It was from..."
They should be seperated with a full stop. Also, "from fear" doesn't fit here. "Can't move from fear" implies that you can't move from a place called "fear". It is unecessary and confusing.
All of that together, it should read:
"She couldn't move an inch. It was either fear or the dark aura the man behind her was 'holding'."
"She only could breathe." Should be "She could only breathe."
"She thought she could fly then she looked down, she was flying!" This sentence has three clauses and they can all be seperated with a simple full stop. "She though she could fly. Then she looked down. She was flying!"
"She flew to the man in robes, she knew he was a man from his shape." The comma here should be replaced with a full stop. Also, "posture" would be a better alternative to "shape".
"She followed him without her consent. And then she became unconscious." This sentence suffers from a reversed issue to the last few. It is seperated with a full stop when it shouldn't be. It has two clauses but these are attached with "and" so they shouldn't be seperated.
Also, this is just my personal opinion but I think "She followed him involuntarily would be shorter and easier to read.
One last thing. You should put an extra space between paragraphs so they're easier to tell apart.
That's all the technical issues I noticed at a first glance. There are quite a bit but keep in mind that they are just technical issues. The setting, the events and the descriptions are all great. Technical issues can be fixed. They're present here because you need more experience as a writer or English isn't your native language. With enough practice you can overcome these technical issues and become a great novelist. I'd recommend brushing up on your grammar with some online courses or by consulting your English teacher.