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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/slamalama
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13 Public Reviews Given
13 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Slam
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'd say that a man can't stand witout the support of his bones and flesh, but I suppose those are gifts God after all! It is very true that humans, by their very nature, need each other to flourish. While we may live alone, we can never thrive that way. I really like the simile with the empty sack, great idea!
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Review of Derby County  
Review by Slam
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I thoroughly enjoyed solving this wordsearch. The links between the words are clear, both literally and figuratively. Many search words struggle to find enough words regarding a particular topic, so the words end up being a conglomerate of tangentially related giberrish. Obviously, the names of the Derby County players have no such issue.

The literal link is that the players have a lot of consonants in common. Like Hamer and Holmes, Waghorn and Wisdom, Rooney and Roos and so on. It makes for a very interconnected word search that is very challenging yet fun. Very nice!

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Review by Slam
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey Dragonline, I really enjoyed reading your poem. There are a couple thoughts I feel I should express. However, I should let you know that most of my education regarding poetry was not done in English, so I do not have a very comprehensive grasp on the literary vocabulary of poetry. Please forgive me if you are confused about anything odd I write in this review. Feel free to send me a message if you need clarification on anything.

First thing that catches my attention is that the poem is not split into quartets. You've used a "xaxa, xbxb" rhyme structure, which leads me to believe that it is meant to be in quartets. Unless this was an aesthetic choice you've delibaretly made, I recommend putting breaks between the quartets. Excluding the final couplet, of course.

Personally, I am not a huge fan of the "xaxa, xbxb" structure. I think the reader often believes the first line will eventually find a rhyme somewhere in the quartet. When the quartet begins with an 'x' it is confusing for the reader. I think this poem could be restructured into a "axax, bxbx" or even a "axxa, bxxb" without compromising the content.

Speaking of the content, it is everything a poem should be. At least in my humble opinion. It is pleasing to the ear, yes. But I think where this poem excels is in its ability to speak to the heart without coming off as preachy or whiny. The feelings you're trying to express are clear, but they are not obvious. It is a rewarding experience for the reader to understand and appreciate your thoughts. I imagine this poem was very fun for you to write. It was certainly very fun for me to read.

I hope things get better for you soon, and please keep writing poetry. I've enjoyed your work very much.
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Review by Slam
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I love your use of gobblefunk! The way you make up troll words is very similar to Roald Dahl's splendiferous words.

When other people try to write in slang it often comes off as very unnatural. You however, have done it perfectly. Giving the trolls an exaggerated british accent is a great idea, and you definitely pulled it off. Along with your british sounding gobblefunk, the dialogue is very pleasing to read.

I hope my tenteeth birthday is just as good as Bogwarts'. Great work!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Gesundheit  
Review by Slam
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow! What an ending! I certainly didn't expect that. It was a pleasant surprise.

One thing that bothered me is that the entire text is bold. Bold text is usually used for emphasis, and when the entire story is in bold it defeats the purpose. Not only that, but it also makes the text more difficult to read.

Another thing is that some dialogue lines end with a comma instead of a full stop. Like "Melanie Kamp, Mr. Smith's secretary," and "... There has to be something causing this s***,".

Other than that, I really enjoyed this story. It is fun and short, and I think everybody has wanted to bludgeon someone at work at some point! Great work!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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6
Review by Slam
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like it a lot! It's exactly the kind of thing I'd expect a wizard to have in a fridge. You've got a missing space between "Rodrick" and "finally" and you used the wrong "their" (needs to be "they're" in this case), and this is just my personal preference but I don't like it when the text is centered. It makes my eyes jump all over the place trying to read it. Very good writing and idea otherwise!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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