\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/smyers
Review Requests: OFF
10 Public Reviews Given
10 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of A Paean to Summer  Open in new Window.
Review by S Myers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I really liked the story about Nura and the magic telescope lens. Really neat. Lots of good detail and imagery. I like Nura's character and how she's secretly a sorceress. I love the story telling format. It works for a shorter piece like this. I also like the last line about the birds.

My only suggestion would be to maybe give the beakers and flasks and potions creative names. I'd go heavier on imagery in his workshop. Maybe everywhere. You really gave us great details for Nura and for the Mushtarij constellation and you could do the same with other things. Like, describe the view from the balcony. Describe the telescope. Just a line or two to give these things life and hint of mystery. Describe the bottle.

It was a fun read.
2
2
Review of THE THIRD LESSON  Open in new Window.
Review by S Myers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Rudradeep,

I really enjoyed the story. A man's whole outlook on life is changed because he believes his money has been stolen by a train vendor. Then he learns it was the well dressed gentleman. And eventually, after falling into a cynical state, he learns even that man had tried to return the money.

And, unfortunately, the money seemed to have soured the old man's life, as well. Driving a wedge between his son, sitting there when it could have helped his wife, until he had to spend it to save himself.

I loved the train scene and the simple, straight forward dialogue. I liked the POV's thoughts on everything, too.

My only recommendation would be to make what the older man did with the money more explicit. I wasn't sure if any was left, or what he did with it, if anything.
2 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 1 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/smyers