Man, I also grew up by railroad tracks. The trains stopped, and I would walk those track everyday. Still, those were generic freight trains, not tied to local mining. Beautiful imagery in this piece. I remember those rusty iron rails, if not the jilted ore pellets. Thanks for the memories.
Feeling like you’re pounding on walls is a very relatable frustration. Same thing with that feeling of being surrounded be fakeness. The frustration in this piece is palpable, which is great. It’s something I can really feel. The one thing I’d say, if it’s still true for you, is needing your bubble back is not the way to go. The bubble is comforting, but also insulating, and inhibits growth. That may have been your point… but either way, it’s certainly a piece that made me think. Which I always enjoy. Thanks.
Beautiful imagery in this piece. If you don’t mind me asking, where are you from? I’m from Nova Scotia myself, but I’ve never seen the Northern Lights, and it’s always been a dream of mine to go up there someday. Thanks for this wonderful description.
I genuinely loved this piece. Honestly, you lost me at the second verse when you described only two types of people, but then as it went on and you fleshed out that description, you won me back. Great work.
It’s funny, because where I’m from the legal drinking age is nineteen. I’ve still experienced the chaos you’re describing, both before and after that age. These days, I’ve kind of grown out of it, but man, your words do bring me back to a moment in time, which makes them powerful.
I can see my younger self in here. I was the one who was so obsessed with my own perceived inferiority that I couldn’t see the pain that I was causing others. Don’t reflect that in yourself. Be kind, be empathetic, but don’t be a sponge for another’s negativity. Thank you for this piece, in just a handful of lines, it reminded me of where I came from, and how far I always need to strive to be better.
This reminds me of so many things I’ve read and written using masks as a metaphor. The toothy grin is a mask. So many of us are fed up with ‘People’. We can always hope to find solace with the great individuals that are still out there.
I know this is a short and relatively simple piece, but I can picture a very vivid image reading it. It’s a beautiful image, and that’s difficult to do with few words.
You’ve got some genuinely cool imagery in here. I can certainly feel a sense of general emotion and anger woven through this. You’ve got some lines I think are great: “sword turned to shooting screams”, and some I feel are a little clumsy: “white lighted, that bited our look holes”.
Honestly, I feel like I’ve had this exact same birthday. Until the fourth round… I’ve had problems with alcohol in my life, so there’s something that feels almost wistful and innocent about old experiences like this. Enjoyed it, thanks.
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