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1,067 Public Reviews Given
1,094 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
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I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of I have never  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on "Read & Review", so I thought I'd give it a go.

Funny little poem, using the rhyme scheme to get some of the nonsensical humour, and finishing with the cyclical verse to tie it all up.

Nonsense poetry is so difficult to write and yet make some form of sense, and you have managed that so well.

Now, I read poetry out loud, and the rhyming scheme here demanded a constant rhythm, like a song, but the variable syllable count did make it difficult to get into the swing of things. I know it is nonsense, but that element of recitation can make the difference.

Of course, this is only my opinion.

Still, fun poem!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2
2
Review of Billy  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I really liked this. The Western is a genre I've dabbled in - and had published - and I always enjoy reading a good Western short.

The language was perfect for a Western story, with the right amount of tell v show, and the language I've become used to in the genre. The build of tension was also well done, and you didn't over-egg it. The knife in the hand, pinning the sixth card, was a nice touch.

My only issue was the ending felt like it dragged on a few lines too much. And bounty hunters as card sharks feels like too much. I think, personally (just my opinion), I would have mentioned the low guns - as you brought up earlier - as a "city thing", and then him leaving, as you'd already told the reader he was Billy the Kid. And the catching him asleep line is just there, as he was not killed in his sleep.

That's it, though. technically, great, story-wise a load of fun, and fits the genre perfectly.

Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
3
3
Review of Irene  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an older piece, but it came up on read and review, so I thought I'd give it a go.

I did like the anthropomorphisation of the hurricanes, and their justification for doing what they are doing, which is perfectly valid. It flowed along easily and came to a logical conclusion.

My only issue was that it was ovver-anthropomorphised. Drinking rosehip tea and shopping just felt a tad too unreal given who the entities were; I think more generic activities could have been used and made a little more sense to me.

But that is just one person's opinion.

I did like it and the concept behind this brief tale.

Nicely done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
4
4
Review of Warning Peek  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an interesting story, coming from a science fiction view of people from an alternate dimension encountering Earth on the cusp of a disaster. I am guessing by the 2020 time, this was a COVID thing, something that swamped the entire planet.

It was well done, and told a story without direct conflict, so good work there.

The paragraph separation was all over the place, so I think, from a reading point of view, that should be looked at. Your punctuation of direct speech needs some work, and earth with a lower case 'E' means dirt; the planet is Earth. There were also a few other issues. This feels like it needs a really good edit.

So, this was a strong story that did not outstay its welcome - though we had very little of how they were really feeling - it just needs some finessing.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This was a sad little tale, telling of a woman who reached the end of her tether. You used some nice metaphors, and the end seemed inevitable.

However, the jump to "Suddenly something insider her snapped" felt too abrupt. You built up her growing depression; there is nothing sudden. A few more paragraphs of considering herself worthless, the world being better off without her, convincing herself of that - and the way you have written up to this point, you could easily do this - would make it feel all the more tragic.

I do get what you were saying in the ending, and the loneliness and isolation of her death could lead to a ghost. However, it does not fit with the preceding narrative; I would have put a section break there and discussed how people heard the voice and no one understood who the person could have been (as no one knew what she had done).

This may seem nit-picky, I know, but you have a vivid writing style that really enhances your prose, and there is so much potential here for this to be a true tragic tale.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
6
6
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Ah, the joys of coming to know that the power of suggestion can grab all of us in its grip.

The poem as a narrative worked well. The setting, then the incident, then the later admission all flowed well.

I read poetry out loud to get a feel for it, and this poem, with a very consistent rhyme scheme felt like it demanded a constant rhythm to go along with it, but the varied syllable count made it awkward to say. To get the most out of the rhyming, the mind keeps wanting to set the poem to an unheard music, but this does not allow that.

There was only one forced rhyme (stretch/get), but some words felt used just to rhyme (e.g. cure - cure for what? you have mentioned nothing needing a cure); "atleast" should be two words; the last 2 lines do a tense jump.

So, this poem had a good story, and a great denouement, but I just felt that as a poem it could have been tightened.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
7
7
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


An interesting inverse telling of the Hansel & Gretel tale. I have seen this done before, but your ending gave it quite the different twist.

As a story, it has a nice build, with the final denouement feeling satisfying.

I think the biggest issue I have is the character of the old woman. She is afraid, literally living in fear of these children, and feels her only recourse is to set a bear trap. A goat manages to cause the death of Gretel... and then she becomes evil, tormenting the injured boy with a threat of burning, which she clearly means to follow through with. This sudden change does not fit in with her character; relief would be more logical.

I am not going to harp on about show v tell, because this reads like a fairy tale, upon which it is obviously styled, and the writing mirrors that genre quite well.

So, well done, and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
8
Review of Death's Door  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This had a fascinating premise, and a really strong set up. The idea of finding one's own grave while searching for the father's and realising there are only two months left leads to many interesting possibilities.

However, the ending with the sudden appearance of a grandfather and cleaning up a grave that should not exist did not make sense. The ending felt like it came out of nowhere. Now, I do not have a problem with open endings, but this just did not feel like it related to the story that preceded it.

Technically, there were quite a few errors. Many were typos, though some were punctuation/grammatical in nature. These include:
* the gateway to the what looked like: to what looked like
* Clicking the spy glass I put in my father’s name. (fragment; doesn't read well)
* There was even a few Mausoleums: There were even a few Mausoleums
* the North end: the north end
* verify wether I was: verify whether I was
* began to not-so-gently scrap at: began to not-so-gently scrape at
* “Who the …,” my: “Who the…” my
* My breathe was coming: My breath was coming
And so on. This really needs a thorough edit.

There was also no real tension in the story. It did not have a scary feel to it, just a shock of seeing his own name and that was it.

The idea is fantastic; the final execution felt muted.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
9
9
Review of Virus  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Not sure why you wanted me to review this piece, but I will.

The concept of being a murderer being like a computer virus, a bug in the system, was an interesting metaphor used throughout. This gave the story an interesting through-line, and made the final denouement more impactful. While Damien, a hacker, seemed confident, the fact he didn't kill Mary when he had the chance more than once was a subtle way to show that he was not as brave or likely to kill her as he claimed. Or maybe I am reading too much into it? It made sense in explaining why he kept delaying. It also made sense why he fell for her feigned illness; he had no experience beyond what he read on the Internet, and despite his appearance, was lacking confidence.

I am not sure the opening and closing quotes actually gave the story anything extra.

I am also not sure about the laws where you are, but most hackers under arrest and being put on trial are put into prison so they cannot have access to computers and do more damage, or do things to delay the trial. And very few hackers would be so easily able to kidnap someone. And surely if her father was putting someone on trial, she'd know who he was. So those story beats did not ring true.

The descriptions were well done, especially of the house, with her being a gardener giving reason for what she noticed. Some descriptions at the beginning were unnecessary - especially around Damian as they meant nothing in the long run - but there is a flair there for showing how things look. But what about the other senses? She said she wanted to smell roses, and there was a hint of how the ground felt when she was faking illness, but there could have been more to the way things were described, involving the five major senses.

Technically, most was okay, but the punctuation of direct speech needs work, especially where capital letters are used.

As for pacing, the story flowed along okay, but it did get bogged down on the drive to the house. There was no real tension except when she grabbed the wheel. Once. The lack of tension and action did make it feel like we were waiting, so it could have been tightened without losing any of the story.

Reading back over this review, it seems very negative, and I apologise. There is definitely a strong story here that just needs a little more reworking. The overall metaphor that the story was putting forward is a good one, and makes it well worth keeping working on this tale.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
10
10
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was an interesting op-ed piece. It is always fascinating to read how countries differ; the university experience in Australia is different to that in the USA. As someone who recently completed my third bachelor's degree (I did my first in 1989-1991) and whose son is in the middle of his first, the things you detail are not reflected in what we have seen or experienced in our recent university exploits.

As such, I cannot comment on your details, but it is something that has me intrigued.

Technically, this was very clean; no mistakes that I could see.

However, my biggest nitpick is the ending. Any essay or opinion piece should end with a paragraph that summarises the argument. You have introduced new information (the commencement speaker) into the closing paragraph, and switched to your daughter. This should have stood as a paragraph of its own.

This does come from my own studies and publishing history, and I acknowledge that the USA might be different, but it did stand out.

Still, you have put forward a persuasive argument about pre-conceptions and the dangers of them. Is it worse now, do you think, than it was years ago? Has the recent hyper-partisanship of the US political system and beliefs caused issues? Are the colleges pushing an ideological viewpoint that may not be neutral?

Strong essay. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
11
11
Review of Survival  
Review by s
Rated: E | (2.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I was drawn to this by the simple fact I have been homeless as I write this for 19 months. I thought it would be interesting to see what someone had to say about the matter.

This did not say a lot. Assumptions were made about drug-taking (most homeless I have encountered can't afford drugs) and then the whole topic changed to your gambling addiction. It did not follow any logical path.

Being one paragraph certainly did not help. It makes it hard to follow where you are going. You use repeated phrases that did not need to be repeated (e.g. "these days") and random capitalisation. The punctuation seemed okay, but sentence structure was not varied either.

If anything, this came across as a stream of consciousness piece of writing, and I don't think that was what you were going for.

Sorry, but I was hoping for something promised by the title that I did not get.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
12
12
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


A story with a very definite moral, the sort of fairy tale-like story that would appeal to children, as that is one of your chosen genres.

As a children's story, the lack of show (as opposed to tell) can be excused, but I feel this would have done much better with some showing of what was going on. However, the jumps are too great. There is no build, just event, event, event. It could do with some slowing down.

On a technical note, there were a lot of errors that a thorough edit would have corrected, especially misused capital letters. There was a verb tense change from the start that did not make sense. Also, every single time there is a new person speaking or doing something, there should be a new paragraph. The paragraphing in general felt perfunctory at best.

And then there is the ending. That last sentence makes this no longer a children's story.

This was an interesting story, and something that could be melded into a decent moral tale for children, but it does feel like a first draft.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
13
13
Review of Last Breath  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I read this through a few times, and it feels like it is missing a piece.

Technically, this was fine, except the ellipsis has three dot - "..." - not a line of them. You also had this down as a monologue. It's a duologue; monologue is one person talking.

But the whole thing was told. there was no show. If this was a conversation, the entire opening paragraph could have been better depicted in their words. And the ending felt too sudden. One saved another so he became aq villain? That makes no sense.

Sorry, but the idea of the hero and villain dying together and having their final conversation with one another is such an intriguing concept, and you have a good basis here, but it just lacks that punch.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
14
14
Review of A Daily Ritual  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I have read quite a few of your pieces relating what you went through at school. Now, I am assuming it is autobiographical, and if not, I apologise, but this short piece puts the emotions into stark relief. The use of emotional words - embarrassed, horrified. frenetic, et al. - so frequently and with only the context of "squeeze into my girdle" really make this feel raw.

You utilised the poetic form well, and this is a strong poem, no matter how brief the form is.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
15
15
Review of I never Knew  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


It's me, back again.

This is a simple poem about learning, and unfortunately often learning things the hard way.

Now, I read poems out loud to get a feel for them. The lack of a constant syllable count did not harm this, despite the rhyme, and I think that comes down to the repeated phrase "I never knew..." That makes this feel like it is a series of thoughts, and the rhythm is not necessary.

However, the rhyme is an issue. Lines 1 & 2 rhyme, 3 & 4 rhyme, 7 & 8 rhyme (though it is forced). That makes lines 5 & 6 stand out because they are just there. No, the last 2 lines do not matter because they are the denouement, the tying ending of the poem, a sad coda.

It's a shame, because the rest of the poem works well as a look back that is, really, slightly depressing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
16
16
Review of The Rat  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


The bane of many a person - the rodent at night. This is a good little poem about not coping well with such an intruder, the constant noise and trouble being caused.

However, there were a lot of words that were used incorrectly, and it made the poem jar and removed the sense of the words.

Making the floors - Making the floors? Making them what?
Penatrading - Penetrating?
ear-lids - eye-lids?
He shirked - He shrieked?
Callamating - not sure what this means

However:
a posse of noise - this is a great metaphor!

I read poetry out loud to get a feel for it, and the repeated lines "It was because of that/The rat" do well in tying it all together. It is not difficult to read and make sense of orally.

Anyway, that is how I read it, and remember this is one person's opinion.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
17
17
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Thought I'd give you a second anniversary review; it seems only fair as you tend to like my posts.

As something of a fan of fantasy, this caught my eye, and being recent also helped. A good story of magic being used indirectly, not to harm, but to discover. This is something more fantasy writers should be looking at - magic is not a weapon but a tool.

Technically, there were a few misplaced capital letters, and one place where two sentence fragments should have been joined, but otherwise quite good.

I did like putting the cat's thoughts in square brackets; it helped differentiate them. I might have also used italics, but that is a personal preference, not a dictate.

Storywise, it did feel there were two jumps. Firs was the initial use of magic to enter the cat's memories. I think a little more detail of the cat's reluctance and the difficulty in performing what is a serious connection would have added to the tension this sort of story needs.

The second was how quickly Emilda was granted access to the royal family at a time of mourning. If she was known and maybe even feared, then I feel this could have been made more explicit. Being picky, the third was how quickly the guilty party capitulated, but that is in every cop show on TV as well, so it's just a personal nitpick.

Now, I know the bolded words are compulsory for the contest/activity, but once it is over, I would suggest you get rid of the baseball glove reference and Babe Ruth, et al., and just use a normal glove.

This feels like it could easily be expanded into a good-sized fantasy short story, with lots of tension and "will they/won't they succeed" elements throughout.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
18
18
Review of MATCHBOX UNDIES  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Well, I misunderstood this from the title!

This was an interesting vignette about a childhood that is rather normal in so many ways. The doll being a constant companion was something I saw in the 1970s and 1980s with my own sisters.

The idea of a grandmother making clothing, including underwear, for the dolls also rings true. My mother has done the same thing for my daughter and niece. But the underwear! That was something I was not expecting nor would have thought of.

This was quite the cute story.

Technically, there were a few things with punctuation that I would change, but I am not sure of cultural or educational differences between us, so I'll let it be.

I think the only thing missing was how did you feel when you got the Barbie clothing? And then when you couldn't find the underwear? Did you feel like you'd let your grandma down or something like that? It just felt muted emotionally, when there could have been more exploration of the "you" in the anecdote.

This was a fun little look back; thank you for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
19
19
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversary month!

Looking at your port, this highlighted item caught my attention and, reading it, I was captivated. This hits emotions I can unfortunately relate to, break-ups that were delayed, but were inevitable.

The style ran smoothly and the metaphors (infinite shards was nice) worked well, and keeping thoughts light and frivolous seems a good way to go. But that did mean there felt like a slight lack of emotion, about your deeper feelings here, how you really feel if not about the person, about the situation.

But, like I said, I can relate to it all too well.

Thankyou for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
20
20
Review of My First Concert  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I know this is around 10 years old, but looking through your port for an anniversary review, being a music nerd, I was attracted to the subject.

If this is real, I am jealous - you got to see the Beatles!

This is such a loving look back at that heady time of childhood. You captured that innocence and naivete that comes with youth well, and gave a simply detailed account, one probably blurred by the passage of time.

Technically, there were a few places where the punctuation didn't quite work, creating run-on sentences. But the rest was fine.

I think it is also lacking some more of the emotion from your point of view. The excitement was there at the start, but at the end it was more just a reminiscence, muted by time. I think maintaining that sense of wonder throughout would have upped it; even trying to march to the dressing rooms and being stopped by the police felt muted, no more than a school event.

But that is only one person's opinion.

Thank you for sharing this great memory.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
21
21
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


What a pleasant memory to have, the Thanksgiving family meal. That is something that we don't have in Australia - family meals are generally reserved for Christmas or Easter. What interested me about this piece, though, was that the memories that stuck the most were peripherals - travelling, reading, a breakfast - and not the Thanksgiving meal itself, not the conversations, not catching up with the grandparents. It made for a different sort of vignette.

Technically, there is nothing I could see out of place, and it flowed well as all good anecdotes should.

Thank you for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
22
22
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This read like a fairy tale, and for this sort of story and the flash fiction length, that is fine. The show not tell mantra does not fit in this sort of tale.

I did not get the opening. She could create gold? Her husband used her and she had no children? I get the leprechaun was giving her what she wanted, and twisting it, but those opening incidents did not make a lot of sense to me. The story did not feel like it started until the king was involved. I did see the ending coming, but that did not mean it was not effective. The leprechaun twisting the narrator's wishes did make him evil, so that was well done.

Technically, a few issues with punctuation were dotted throughout; a thorough edit would have cleared a lot of that up.

Thank you for participating and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
23
23
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well, that didn't go where I thought it was going to go!

The atmosphere you created at the start was perfect, that mixture of darkness and light, and having Niall at the cusp of both was well done. The description of the leprechaun gave off menace as much as the request he made, and I liked the idea of the hole being a "tear" in reality.

I think the only issue I had was that the leprechaun did not seem evil, per se, more opportunistic and akin to the sea-witch in the original fairy-tale of the Little Mermaid. Niall sought him out, Niall agreed to his deal - there was no subterfuge.

The thing is, though, the story was really well done, the technical side of it was clean, and it was 666 words long.

Well done, and thanks for participating!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
24
24
Review of Malachi  
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Well, he was certainly evil!

The story of a leprechaun growing progressively angrier and more frustrated made sense, but... That was quite the turn, to go from being paranoid and frustrated to suddenly attacking things with a machete. And why a machete? Would he use an Irish weapon like a claideamh or scian? Or even a cudgel and beat them to death? Make it more whimsical, like shoving 4-leaf clovers in their throats till they died? The jump felt like it was too great, and did not feel leprechaunish.

Technically, there were a few places where a semi-colon would have served better than a comma, but mostly it was clean.

You followed the prompt well, and it was 666 words, so no issues there.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
25
25
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
The story was one of subtlety, the trickster leprechaun being revealed as evil only at the end. Using human greed was a good way of getting close to a victim.

Now, the story - what was the man at the start about? This was the boy and the leprechaun, then his father. The man at the start was just there and, in a story of such limited word count, served no purpose.

Technically, there are a lot of issues with punctuation, especially direct speech. It did make it hard to work out what was going on at time.

The prompt was followed well - the use of trickery before becoming a beast was well done - and it is 666 words.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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