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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stevengepp/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/1
Review Requests: ON
1,079 Public Reviews Given
1,106 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi! Happy 1 year anniversary on WdC.

This poem I decided to review because it really did speak to me. As such. Mine was the 25th Reunion and the woman who approached me and told me she’d liked me was one I had written about as well. But I could not reconcile the person I was seeing with the girl from English class.

You have captured that so well, that feeling of change, of the fact that the past is just that, and while I had a conversation with the woman, your one line would have felt appropriate at my reunion as well.

I read poetry out loud, and on the second try I think I found the way to say and present it, and it worked well, except I kept stumbling on the length of this line:
wearing what appears to be his favorite plaid shirt from high school
It just made me want to rush.

But, really, the poem captures a feeling many of us can relate to. If not autobiographical, you have certainly tapped into an emotional font that works well.

Nicely done, and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2
2
Review of Her First Time  
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I know this is older, but your bio block says to review these older pieces, so here I am.

I realised the misdirection at the start, but the use of the needle threw me, so the ending was a very cool twist. This was a fun little bit of flash fiction.

Technically, I saw nothing amiss, and the dialogue felt natural with that double entendre running throughout.

My only little thing is a WdC reading thing, and that would be to separate the paragraphs a little more obviously.

But, in all, a fun read, and one I really enjoyed. Thanks for sharing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
3
3
Review of What they saw  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This is the sort of story that makes an impact in the little sidebars in Reader's Digest magazine or the like. As such, I am going to review it as if it was being prepared for submission to just such a magazine.

First, technically, this was fine. I could not see any errors. Nicely done.

As to the story, it felt rather diluted. The events were told in order, but that was all. It actually made the members of the convent (which would normally be nuns) come across as judgmental and not very nice people, who had to be convinced by a blind woman what they were not seeing. Where was the emotion, the chance the girl was upset, that Marilyn had to defend her? Where was the change of heart, beyond "persuaded"? This lends itself to so much more in-depth examination of prejudice and emotion.

And if Marilyn was blind, how was she getting to a convent she had not been to before on her own? That seems dangerously reckless. And how did Marilyn, who was the one telling the story, know what the girl looked like? If the convent residents told her, that was even ruder of them and really paints them in a negative light.

There is so much potential here for a sale. I feel it just needs more people-involvement.

And, from a WdC point, I'd separate the paragraphs a little better.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
4
4
Review of PO'd  
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I have come to enjoy reading your work. I did write a review for one of your pieces recently where I said it felt muted, that there was not enough of the narrator.

This little "editorial" (I'm not sure what else you could have called it) was just the opposite.

I do know this is an older piece, but the title alone made me want to have a look, and I was glad that I did.

You captured the frustrations of the act of urination when you have to hold on and then it won't come out so well. Little details like "don't try so hard" and "shivers travel up your spine" capture that feeling perfectly.

And I laughed. This was funny. The truth put in such a manner is often the best way to approach comedy, and this was spot on. Obviously, it is something around half the population can relate to, especially having to wait and wait... and then in the bathroom wait again! Then it won't start and...

You captured this amazingly.

And, technically, as with all your work, spot on.

Thank you for sharing this and for making me laugh today.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I have come to appreciate your writing recently, and so seeing you in Anniversary reviews, I was glad it gave me an excuse to read something.

And what I read was this really depressing piece. Nature being frowned upon so Earth could become completely humanocentric feels... inevitable. Doing it from the point of view of one man trying to be a rebel is a great way to present it, especially as he does not know what is going to happen after he dies. His voice is full of optimism, and yet also inevitability.

Okay, nitpick time. Why would the government who is promoting this man-made world concept allow documentaries about the hardiness of nature to exist? Why was the narrator apparently the only one affected by what he saw. It did not ring true.

But, apart from that, great story.

And happy WdC anniversary.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
6
6
Review of Phoenix Rising  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I know this is an older piece, but it came up on read and review, and I enjoyed it, so I thought I'd leave a quick review.

First, what a great take on the phoenix tale! Transforming it like this was really well done, and the little comment that maybe he needed to find a less public way to do this next time was a cool touch.

Technically, this was great; no errors.

My only nitpick is that Casper starts the story feeling the burden of a long life, reminiscing about how transport has changed, and yet at the end, he is happy to go through it all again, even whistling. It just did not feel like the character we are introduced to at the beginning would be like that, even though he has no choice.

Still, really good story, one I enjoyed a lot.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
7
7
Review of Cashiered!  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
Found this on "Read & Review" and, I have to say, it has been a while since not only did I not see where the story was going, but that it brought a smile to my face.

The build was well done, with a set-up that made sense, and technically, this was very clean. No errors here.

My only suggestion - and I know it's flash fiction, so word count is at a premium - would be to make Jason's sense of panic more stark, with genuine fear he was going to have to explain a joke to a cop. As it was, it almost felt like he just accepted someone would call the police.

Still, I did enjoy this; thanks for making me smile today.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
8
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was an interesting list of personal thoughts, reminiscent of the old "ruminations" website. There is some food for thought here, and many of them ring true. Of course, there were a number I do not agree with, and a few that I did not understand. But as a look into how you are/were thinking and see/saw the world, it is fascinating.

Technically, there were some errors, but I am not sure the idea of correct grammar/ punctuation was high on the list of priorities with this.

The large gaps in the dates were also interesting to note. As it was, the length was about right; it did not feel like it overstayed its welcome.

Well done, and it is always good to see something different on WdC.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
9
9
Review of The Weaver's Tale  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found this on Read & Review.

This is a charming little vignette, the sort of fairy tale told to encourage people to do their best work.

It is not really a story, as there is no conflict - it is just a thing that happened. A man was asked to make a tapestry, and he did. That was all. It also felt very muted; there was no emotion in it. Even in a story for young children, there should be some sort of emotional build.

Technically, this was strong. No mistakes and easy to read.

It is just that the story was just there. It did not stir anything. It just was. And there is nothing wrong with that, for the right audience. I just felt there was an opportunity for this to be so much more.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
10
10
Review of Who Are You?  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi. This came up as a random Read & Review, so I thought I'd give it a go.

The idea behind this is intriguing, as a mimic adopting another so completely as to become lost in them. Feels like method acting, Daniel Day Lewis in My Left Foot. Really strong concept. Could lead into a horror/thriller tale (Single White Female).

Story-wise, there was one issue to me. For the mimicry of Arielle to work as a performance, the audience would have to know everything about her, and yet she was just a bohemian artist. If she was world-famous, that would be different, but that was not how it was presented.

Technically, this was very clean. I could see no mistakes, so excellent work.

My final thing, though, is that this felt like a plan for a longer story. There was no emotion; it was all tell and no show. You have a very strong basis here for a decent-length novella. As it stands, it feels muted.

Sorry, but remember, this is one person's opinion.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
11
11
Review of I have never  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on "Read & Review", so I thought I'd give it a go.

Funny little poem, using the rhyme scheme to get some of the nonsensical humour, and finishing with the cyclical verse to tie it all up.

Nonsense poetry is so difficult to write and yet make some form of sense, and you have managed that so well.

Now, I read poetry out loud, and the rhyming scheme here demanded a constant rhythm, like a song, but the variable syllable count did make it difficult to get into the swing of things. I know it is nonsense, but that element of recitation can make the difference.

Of course, this is only my opinion.

Still, fun poem!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
12
12
Review of Billy  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I really liked this. The Western is a genre I've dabbled in - and had published - and I always enjoy reading a good Western short.

The language was perfect for a Western story, with the right amount of tell v show, and the language I've become used to in the genre. The build of tension was also well done, and you didn't over-egg it. The knife in the hand, pinning the sixth card, was a nice touch.

My only issue was the ending felt like it dragged on a few lines too much. And bounty hunters as card sharks feels like too much. I think, personally (just my opinion), I would have mentioned the low guns - as you brought up earlier - as a "city thing", and then him leaving, as you'd already told the reader he was Billy the Kid. And the catching him asleep line is just there, as he was not killed in his sleep.

That's it, though. technically, great, story-wise a load of fun, and fits the genre perfectly.

Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
13
13
Review of Irene  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an older piece, but it came up on read and review, so I thought I'd give it a go.

I did like the anthropomorphisation of the hurricanes, and their justification for doing what they are doing, which is perfectly valid. It flowed along easily and came to a logical conclusion.

My only issue was that it was ovver-anthropomorphised. Drinking rosehip tea and shopping just felt a tad too unreal given who the entities were; I think more generic activities could have been used and made a little more sense to me.

But that is just one person's opinion.

I did like it and the concept behind this brief tale.

Nicely done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
14
14
Review of Warning Peek  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an interesting story, coming from a science fiction view of people from an alternate dimension encountering Earth on the cusp of a disaster. I am guessing by the 2020 time, this was a COVID thing, something that swamped the entire planet.

It was well done, and told a story without direct conflict, so good work there.

The paragraph separation was all over the place, so I think, from a reading point of view, that should be looked at. Your punctuation of direct speech needs some work, and earth with a lower case 'E' means dirt; the planet is Earth. There were also a few other issues. This feels like it needs a really good edit.

So, this was a strong story that did not outstay its welcome - though we had very little of how they were really feeling - it just needs some finessing.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
15
15
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This was a sad little tale, telling of a woman who reached the end of her tether. You used some nice metaphors, and the end seemed inevitable.

However, the jump to "Suddenly something insider her snapped" felt too abrupt. You built up her growing depression; there is nothing sudden. A few more paragraphs of considering herself worthless, the world being better off without her, convincing herself of that - and the way you have written up to this point, you could easily do this - would make it feel all the more tragic.

I do get what you were saying in the ending, and the loneliness and isolation of her death could lead to a ghost. However, it does not fit with the preceding narrative; I would have put a section break there and discussed how people heard the voice and no one understood who the person could have been (as no one knew what she had done).

This may seem nit-picky, I know, but you have a vivid writing style that really enhances your prose, and there is so much potential here for this to be a true tragic tale.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
16
16
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Ah, the joys of coming to know that the power of suggestion can grab all of us in its grip.

The poem as a narrative worked well. The setting, then the incident, then the later admission all flowed well.

I read poetry out loud to get a feel for it, and this poem, with a very consistent rhyme scheme felt like it demanded a constant rhythm to go along with it, but the varied syllable count made it awkward to say. To get the most out of the rhyming, the mind keeps wanting to set the poem to an unheard music, but this does not allow that.

There was only one forced rhyme (stretch/get), but some words felt used just to rhyme (e.g. cure - cure for what? you have mentioned nothing needing a cure); "atleast" should be two words; the last 2 lines do a tense jump.

So, this poem had a good story, and a great denouement, but I just felt that as a poem it could have been tightened.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
17
17
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


An interesting inverse telling of the Hansel & Gretel tale. I have seen this done before, but your ending gave it quite the different twist.

As a story, it has a nice build, with the final denouement feeling satisfying.

I think the biggest issue I have is the character of the old woman. She is afraid, literally living in fear of these children, and feels her only recourse is to set a bear trap. A goat manages to cause the death of Gretel... and then she becomes evil, tormenting the injured boy with a threat of burning, which she clearly means to follow through with. This sudden change does not fit in with her character; relief would be more logical.

I am not going to harp on about show v tell, because this reads like a fairy tale, upon which it is obviously styled, and the writing mirrors that genre quite well.

So, well done, and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
18
18
Review of Death's Door  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This had a fascinating premise, and a really strong set up. The idea of finding one's own grave while searching for the father's and realising there are only two months left leads to many interesting possibilities.

However, the ending with the sudden appearance of a grandfather and cleaning up a grave that should not exist did not make sense. The ending felt like it came out of nowhere. Now, I do not have a problem with open endings, but this just did not feel like it related to the story that preceded it.

Technically, there were quite a few errors. Many were typos, though some were punctuation/grammatical in nature. These include:
* the gateway to the what looked like: to what looked like
* Clicking the spy glass I put in my father’s name. (fragment; doesn't read well)
* There was even a few Mausoleums: There were even a few Mausoleums
* the North end: the north end
* verify wether I was: verify whether I was
* began to not-so-gently scrap at: began to not-so-gently scrape at
* “Who the …,” my: “Who the…” my
* My breathe was coming: My breath was coming
And so on. This really needs a thorough edit.

There was also no real tension in the story. It did not have a scary feel to it, just a shock of seeing his own name and that was it.

The idea is fantastic; the final execution felt muted.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
19
19
Review of Virus  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Not sure why you wanted me to review this piece, but I will.

The concept of being a murderer being like a computer virus, a bug in the system, was an interesting metaphor used throughout. This gave the story an interesting through-line, and made the final denouement more impactful. While Damien, a hacker, seemed confident, the fact he didn't kill Mary when he had the chance more than once was a subtle way to show that he was not as brave or likely to kill her as he claimed. Or maybe I am reading too much into it? It made sense in explaining why he kept delaying. It also made sense why he fell for her feigned illness; he had no experience beyond what he read on the Internet, and despite his appearance, was lacking confidence.

I am not sure the opening and closing quotes actually gave the story anything extra.

I am also not sure about the laws where you are, but most hackers under arrest and being put on trial are put into prison so they cannot have access to computers and do more damage, or do things to delay the trial. And very few hackers would be so easily able to kidnap someone. And surely if her father was putting someone on trial, she'd know who he was. So those story beats did not ring true.

The descriptions were well done, especially of the house, with her being a gardener giving reason for what she noticed. Some descriptions at the beginning were unnecessary - especially around Damian as they meant nothing in the long run - but there is a flair there for showing how things look. But what about the other senses? She said she wanted to smell roses, and there was a hint of how the ground felt when she was faking illness, but there could have been more to the way things were described, involving the five major senses.

Technically, most was okay, but the punctuation of direct speech needs work, especially where capital letters are used.

As for pacing, the story flowed along okay, but it did get bogged down on the drive to the house. There was no real tension except when she grabbed the wheel. Once. The lack of tension and action did make it feel like we were waiting, so it could have been tightened without losing any of the story.

Reading back over this review, it seems very negative, and I apologise. There is definitely a strong story here that just needs a little more reworking. The overall metaphor that the story was putting forward is a good one, and makes it well worth keeping working on this tale.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
20
20
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was an interesting op-ed piece. It is always fascinating to read how countries differ; the university experience in Australia is different to that in the USA. As someone who recently completed my third bachelor's degree (I did my first in 1989-1991) and whose son is in the middle of his first, the things you detail are not reflected in what we have seen or experienced in our recent university exploits.

As such, I cannot comment on your details, but it is something that has me intrigued.

Technically, this was very clean; no mistakes that I could see.

However, my biggest nitpick is the ending. Any essay or opinion piece should end with a paragraph that summarises the argument. You have introduced new information (the commencement speaker) into the closing paragraph, and switched to your daughter. This should have stood as a paragraph of its own.

This does come from my own studies and publishing history, and I acknowledge that the USA might be different, but it did stand out.

Still, you have put forward a persuasive argument about pre-conceptions and the dangers of them. Is it worse now, do you think, than it was years ago? Has the recent hyper-partisanship of the US political system and beliefs caused issues? Are the colleges pushing an ideological viewpoint that may not be neutral?

Strong essay. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
21
21
Review of Survival  
Review by s
Rated: E | (2.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I was drawn to this by the simple fact I have been homeless as I write this for 19 months. I thought it would be interesting to see what someone had to say about the matter.

This did not say a lot. Assumptions were made about drug-taking (most homeless I have encountered can't afford drugs) and then the whole topic changed to your gambling addiction. It did not follow any logical path.

Being one paragraph certainly did not help. It makes it hard to follow where you are going. You use repeated phrases that did not need to be repeated (e.g. "these days") and random capitalisation. The punctuation seemed okay, but sentence structure was not varied either.

If anything, this came across as a stream of consciousness piece of writing, and I don't think that was what you were going for.

Sorry, but I was hoping for something promised by the title that I did not get.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
22
22
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


A story with a very definite moral, the sort of fairy tale-like story that would appeal to children, as that is one of your chosen genres.

As a children's story, the lack of show (as opposed to tell) can be excused, but I feel this would have done much better with some showing of what was going on. However, the jumps are too great. There is no build, just event, event, event. It could do with some slowing down.

On a technical note, there were a lot of errors that a thorough edit would have corrected, especially misused capital letters. There was a verb tense change from the start that did not make sense. Also, every single time there is a new person speaking or doing something, there should be a new paragraph. The paragraphing in general felt perfunctory at best.

And then there is the ending. That last sentence makes this no longer a children's story.

This was an interesting story, and something that could be melded into a decent moral tale for children, but it does feel like a first draft.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
23
23
Review of Last Breath  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I read this through a few times, and it feels like it is missing a piece.

Technically, this was fine, except the ellipsis has three dot - "..." - not a line of them. You also had this down as a monologue. It's a duologue; monologue is one person talking.

But the whole thing was told. there was no show. If this was a conversation, the entire opening paragraph could have been better depicted in their words. And the ending felt too sudden. One saved another so he became aq villain? That makes no sense.

Sorry, but the idea of the hero and villain dying together and having their final conversation with one another is such an intriguing concept, and you have a good basis here, but it just lacks that punch.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
24
24
Review of A Daily Ritual  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I have read quite a few of your pieces relating what you went through at school. Now, I am assuming it is autobiographical, and if not, I apologise, but this short piece puts the emotions into stark relief. The use of emotional words - embarrassed, horrified. frenetic, et al. - so frequently and with only the context of "squeeze into my girdle" really make this feel raw.

You utilised the poetic form well, and this is a strong poem, no matter how brief the form is.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
25
25
Review of I never Knew  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


It's me, back again.

This is a simple poem about learning, and unfortunately often learning things the hard way.

Now, I read poems out loud to get a feel for them. The lack of a constant syllable count did not harm this, despite the rhyme, and I think that comes down to the repeated phrase "I never knew..." That makes this feel like it is a series of thoughts, and the rhythm is not necessary.

However, the rhyme is an issue. Lines 1 & 2 rhyme, 3 & 4 rhyme, 7 & 8 rhyme (though it is forced). That makes lines 5 & 6 stand out because they are just there. No, the last 2 lines do not matter because they are the denouement, the tying ending of the poem, a sad coda.

It's a shame, because the rest of the poem works well as a look back that is, really, slightly depressing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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