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Review Requests: ON
1,068 Public Reviews Given
1,095 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
An interesting essay about consumption of news and bias therein.

As an essay form, it was well done, though the conclusion was rather brief. technically, I found no errors.

As for the information, I think there is only one point I would disagree on, but that is also my own bias. I studied journalism in the early 1990s, so I am way out of touch with what is what nowadays!

There is definitely something here that should be explored further by many people who, as you say, offer opinions without the full facts. This reads like a good jumping on point for someone who does want to get to the truth of any matter.

Nicely done and good luck going forward!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
52
52
Review of Go Free!  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was an interesting personal essay. I read it through, then again, and on the third read, I knew I had to review it.

I have to say right from the outset, I found this rather sad and not a little depressing. Joey might have decided that freedom would not have been good for him because of what life ended up giving him, but it really did feel that the way he was as a young man just died and fell away. I felt sorry for him leaving that behind, even if the life he had was ultimately satisfying.

As such, I am not really sure what the moral or message of this piece was. Give up on our dreams? Conform to the world? The opening paragraphs with their emphasis on not being a part of the corporate urbanised society felt so idealistic and real, the concert was an awakening with people of a like mindset... and yet the ending felt it was the very life he had wanted to reject.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it left me confused.

Technically, this was perfect; I could find no errors and, as a read, it was very easy to get into and understand. That is always a bonus and that was what kept making me go back to it.

I really enjoyed the opening. The descriptions were wonderful - though I wonder what was actually meant by "accessible" in this context - and I could understand exactly where he was coming from. One of the genres selected was "biographical", and I would never condemn someone who found their own peace and were happy with their ultimate choice. This is not me saying that the decisions made were not the right ones. It's just that the piece was leading somewhere and veered right off.

Thankyou for sharing this. I really enjoyed your writing and I am glad that the "Joey" in question is happy with his decisions.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
53
53
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi.

This feels like an outline for a longer story. As such, I will treat it as an outline and not a completed story; if it is a full story, then it is missing much and has no ending.

So, from this:

Why should the commander have a troubled past? How does that affect the mission? Why, considering the vast numbers of pilots, would they even select one with a troubled past?

Proxima Centauri is a star, like our sun. You need to find a planet circling it in the Goldilocks zone.

Why would the plant-life be Earth-like, as you've hinted?

Alien artefacts just floating in space that they encounter? That is highly improbable.

And, finally, 2150 is not that far away.

These are the sorts of questions that can make a story feel more realistic to a reader.

I'd recommend reading something like The Songs of Distant Earth by Arthur C. Clarke, which has a similar plot, to see how other writers tackle it. That's just one I've read; I know there are many others as well.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
54
54
Review of Cat Politics  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
I know this is labelled as a draft, and I am guessing it is the prelude to some larger tale, but I found myself enjoying this one. There is an element of mystery, we have a part of the narrator's life delivered in a natural manner, and then there is the cat statue that has taken such a liking to them.

As it is a draft, the following are things you might want to consider for further revisions.

You mentioned cinnamon sticks, and then forgot them.

There is very little of the emotion of the narrator; they feel like a very blank slate.

Added to that, there is only sight and touch as senses mentioned. What about odours, sounds, the taste of the air, things like that? Help us build a mental picture of your world with these little things added.

However, as a draft, it is a strong beginning, and technically very clean, and I can see it going somewhere special.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
55
55
Review of Sky High  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
A happy little family story with a dark twist... and then a twist on the twist. I like that sort of story: not sure where it was going, then it went somewhere to the right, the veered left.

It was a little bit tell and not show, as the events were just detailed as they happened. I think some more of the narrator's emotions could have helped in this piece, especially at the end... which could have been really milked for emotion and extended in that direction. It just needed more personality.

However, I think the biggest thing is the punctuation. There are a lot of mistakes in this. This needs a good edit. I notice it was written in 2019, and I have to say, the pieces of yours I have seen recently are much cleaner than this. So a good edit should tidy everything up nicely.

Still, as for the story, it was a strong one, and could well be worked out into something even sell-able.

Good luck going forward!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
56
56
Review of Nurse not there  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.0)
An interesting little ghost story/weird event vignette. If it was true, as it says, then quite the eerie occurrence. As a story/anecdote, it was fine.

However, thus was rather difficult to read because it felt like half the punctuation had been inserted at random. Sorry if that seems harsh, but there were a lot of errors, especially for such a short piece. I recommend giving Strunk & White a good read. It's dry, but short.

Sorry.
57
57
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found this by clicking on 'Read and review' and it intrigued me. This is a call to arms that does not involve violence or arms, or something that anyone can do. Not being from the USA, it intrigues me that this is sort of needed. I mean, H.Clinton got a higher percentage of votes than Trump in 2016, and less than 55% of people voted, so Trump won on the say of around a quarter of the population. While your "vote them out mantra" could work, your system may not allow for that. I am not sure.

But that is just me looking as an outsider, from a country where voting is compulsory.

This is technically really strong; good use of paragraphs, good spelling, punctuation, etc. You have your facts sorted and you have delivered it in what seems to be an orderly manner. It does not jump around. However, why would being independently wealthy mean they can stand more easily? You need to explain that, especially for someone not from your country.

From a visual perspective, I would suggest separating the paragraphs a little better, either with indents or an extra carriage return.

As a call to arms, it is persuasive. It would be interesting to see what you do with this next.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
58
58
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This is the sort of story I like - where the ending is not always definite and not everything is rosy. Some got the good, some the bad, dependent on their spin; nicely done and nicely shown in such a low word count.

I would liked to have known the contest prompt and word count to see how well you integrated it into the story, apart from the bolded phrase (which I guess you had to use).

Technically, it was good. Saw no mistakes.

As to the story, not knowing the limitations of word count, I felt that showing two good, one that could have been bad, one that was bad felt like going on a de-escalation. I think mixing up the outcomes would have made it feel more random; as it is, it does feel as though Walker is going to get the very worst of it all. I think this diminishes the element of mystery in the tale.

But that's my only nit-pick. Good story, strong denouement, and I hope you did well in the contest.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
59
59
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi! Looking through your port, this was the first thing, it was recent, so... happy anniversary review!

First, I know the hassles of dealing with a low word count making story-telling rushed, and so the tell not show aspect of the story is understandable. However, having said that, the ending still felt very abrupt. It was just there after quite an inventive set-up. We got a great sense of character in a few words - the greed of the handyman and the pretention of the lady. Your characters managed to live even in so few words.

I think, once the contest is over, just by adding maybe another hundred, two hundred words or so, this could be a great slice of life story with a moral about greed and all that.

I enjoyed this.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
60
60
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This was an intriguing story of a detective who, I think, was the one who "dunnit." The story was interesting, but there were inconsistencies. Why would he leave a hand-print? Why investigate alone when he knows what's going on? Why ask himself the questions? And other things as well.

This also needs a good edit; there are a lot of errors in punctuation that need work. And there is a lot of tell, not show, not letting the reader get into the story.

The story idea is a strong one and you have a good character in Baptist; I think it just needs some tightening up.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
61
61
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This is an intense little piece. The grief that one feels following the passing of a loved one can, indeed, feel physical.

I am not sure of the word count limit you had to play with for the contest, but it felt distant. You said there was an intense pain and you were paralyzed (note: watch your spelling here), but you told us. How was it painful? What was your body doing? how was it responding? Were there smells or tastes that came out of nowhere? What were your thoughts doing?

There was so much more you could have given us to drag the reader into your emotions; what we got was surface level. There is definitely emotion here, but it could have been so much deeper, I feel.

Technically, apart from the one spelling error, it was fine; no errors seen.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
62
62
Review of Yellow Stone  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I have never been to Yellowstone - I've never been to the USA! - and you paint a decent picture of the park and some of the attractions to be seen. It reads like a memoir or a recollection, and it is clear you have enthusiasm for the place through the words you use. There is an excitement about the way you write about the place.

A couple of things, and these are more technical than anything:

First, I know I'm not there, but I am pretty sure it is Yellowstone, not Yellow Stone, one word, not two.

Second, there are a lot of missing commas, and some other errors of punctuation. For example, all the ellipses in the final sentence/paragraph were unnecessary. This needs a thorough edit to clean it up.

Still, a good article.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
63
63
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I was looking through your port for something to read and this struck me.

Technically, the story was great. I could not see any errors.

And as a story, an old woman remembering her youth and a time with her husband came across like an older person would tell the tale.

I like the way you interjected little bits of her life, what she was doing, into the story; it made it feel like we were really there.

I think the only thing that lets it down is the character of Jenny. While I understand she is a blank slate so we, the reader, can place ourselves in her place, I feel she is almost not there, a ghost in the background. I think she needed more to say or do to make the character come to life as much as Nan; she needs more agency. Could she ask a question, maybe? Even the dog felt more there than her.

Apart from that, this was a fantastic tale of love and memory.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
64
64
Review of The Darkest Storm  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversatu!

I am a sucker for horror/occult stories, so it was with interest I read this one.

I love the idea of a 1000 year old vampire having these extra powers and then killing all he had created or helped create. very apocalyptic. Marcus has the feeling of being aloof, which makes sense given what he has planned and what he is doing. Good character.

However, the rest felt muted. there was obvious affection between them all, and yet the death of Marie just made Louie kill himself. And... that was it. No other emotion from anyone? Jessica seemed a little concerned by the death of Damian, but was easily swayed away. There just felt like there was a disconnect from the emotions we could tell were there.

Jessica's death, especially, was just there. Surely there would have been a hint of remorse in Marcus?

Also, your descriptions are minimalistic. For a story like this, a little more gore would have helped. I know you may not want to go there, but a good vampire story relies on the gore, the taste and smell of the blood, the feel of its warmth. This tale just related things Marcus brought into play.

I think you could easily extend this out by expanding on some of the descriptions, emotional and physical, making us care more about these characters and what befalls them.

I don't mean to sound too harsh because, like I said, this story is a strong concept, and you have the story beats down. Marcus is a well-realised character. There is just so much room for more.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
65
65
Review of Flame Consumes  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversary.

Going through your portfolio, this is the sort of sentiment I put in a lot of my poetry - the lost love and desire for return poem.

Two quick things to start: the first line "do" feels like it should be "did" because it is in the past, and 8 lines from the end "ashed" should probably be "ashes."

So, to the poem. The idea of the person going and leaving a hole, an internal pain like fire, is something I feel many could relate to. There is a pain that is hard to describe which is why I think so many turn to poetry.

I am not sure I understand the end. Has the person called back, and the hatred that had grown for them is fading and now the narrator is concerned about letting positive emotions back in? That's how I read it, but I am not sure I am reading it correctly.

Anyway, a strong piece of emotional writing. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
66
66
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This was a very true to life telling of the goings on in a library. I liked the idea behind it, and the way the two totally different sorts of people populate the library.

As a free verse poem, I did read it out loud (as I do with all poetry - I am also in a library and I think they're used to me now) and I think it could work well in a poetry slam type setting.

The only thing was it did feel sort of incomplete. This is not because of the way it is written, but because there is a "rule of three" in writing, and people have come to expect that things happen in threes. While it is fine to subvert this, only delivering two incidents does make the reader feel something is left out.

I am also in two minds as to whether the last line needs a question mark as you have not included punctuation anywhere else.

Also, an extra verse would make it better for public readings, length-wise.

Still, fun little poem. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
67
67
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I hope you are enjoying your time here at WdC.

I went through your portfolio and this one caught me (a) by its title and (b) by it being an essay.

I'll start with technicalities. The only thing is missing commas, but the in the writing style you have chosen, punctuation is challenging. Spelling, everything else, is spot on.

As an essay, it has an introduction, and each section is separated. However, it is lacking a conclusion that ties it all together. That final paragraph is supposed to solidify all the ideas mentioned in the essay, and this lacks that.

Your opening should mention goal-setting earlier, not just the nebulous concept of 'trust the process.' That did make it awkward to get into what you were trying to say.

The advice you give makes sense, although I would avoid using emotional words like "desperate" in an essay like this.

But, all up, this is a good piece of work. I think it could be tightened and extended with some more explanations, but that is me.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
68
68
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversary!

Looking through your portfolio, this poem struck me. So many could relate to it... and not just those in retirement mode!

The sentiment is great, and I agree we should return to hand-writing letters (or typing for those like me with handwriting that's shocking).

As for the poem itself, the rhymes worked well; none of them felt forced.

However, the rhythm felt off. Reading it out loud, I could not get into a good rhythm to allow the rhymes to shine through; the syllable count just made it an awkward thing to recite.

Good luck going forward!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
69
69
Review of Book Reviews  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
An interesting read. I looked at this because my son read some Kipling last year and was told off by some people at the university for reading such "racist" works.

I agree with the quote you included by Maher - we should not look at these works through the eyes of "now" as that is inflicting ourselves upon a different time and culture.

As for your review, it has been a few years since I read Kim, but the way you have outlined the story seems pretty well right. I felt he was caught between England and India, and played one against the other, but that was my interpretation of the character. still, you've outlined it well.

I would like to have read more of what you thought about the story. How does it compare to modern stories of the same ilk? Was the pacing slow, was the language a barrier, little things like that.

As for technicalities, the third sentence of this review is one long run-on sentence that should be two (or three) individual sentences. I think "holly" should be "holy". And starting two paragraphs with "He also..." reads awkwardly.

So, I think I'd like a little more of you and your impressions of the story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
70
70
Review of Subtlety  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


The genre you chose for this was "dark." Yep. Dark.

The tale went through a logical progression, and it all made sense. Well, as much as these incidents could. the progression seemed like it would happen. And so easy, so coersive.

Normally, I would have complained about too much tell, not enough show, but I did not need to be shown. Not in this case. You used the language well enough that we knew what was happening and did not have to be fed the details. I think, maybe, stories like this work better for more readers as tell stories.

Technically, there were quite a few errors in comma usage and sentence structure. A good clean-up edit will fix these issues.

I do not want to make assumptions about where this story came from, but you have written a powerful piece that is ultimately depressing and feels like there is no happy ending to come.

Dark indeed.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
71
71
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really enjoyed this. The sort of a tale some old guy at the pub would regale the other regulars with, new-comers coming in and listening with open mouths, not daring to ask any questions, while everyone else who had heard it all before just nodded along.

I pictured the whole scene as I read it.

I know this is mainly tell, and not show, but for the oral tradition story that it apes so well, I think that works. the words you used for the instruments were quite ingenious. This is a fun work.

Love it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
72
72
Review of No Love Lost  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I have never heard of this poetic form before, but it looks like it is an interesting one to write to and you have done a really good job of utilising the form.

The poem itself is a sad look back at a love gone wrong. None of the rhymes felt forced, and the tone and mood of the poem matched the idea behind it really well.

The only line I felt was odd to say out loud was "And you don't care." Experimenting as I spoke it, "That you don't care," came off the tongue a little better, but that is just my opinion and is hardly a fault in the poem.

So, really well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
73
73
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi Jeff. Again.

After reviewing your last piece, this one caught my eye.

It made me laugh. I liked the whole Devil being thwarted by an errant M/W mistype, and the beliefs of the person being seen as real to the Devil so that he can do nothing against them.

However, would a Seventh Day Adventist be happy accepting anything from the Devil? Would they be happy with ill-gotten gains? I know you needed them because of the tenet you footnoted, but the rest of the attitude of Ronald feels like it goes against the rest of their beliefs.

Technically, an errant capital 'T' was the only mistake. To find one little thing like that is so nitpicky of me, and I apologise.

Still, the story did make me laugh. Nicely done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
74
74
Review of The Good Old Days  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi, Jeff!

We've not interacted much beyond you reviewing some of my work, so seeing your name on the anniversary list gave me the opportunity to reciprocate.

This piece grabbed me by the title. It was an interesting look at your time in WdC. Your coming up through the ranks felt like it just happened; I think it undersold the work you must have done. It also felt odd in relation to the prompt. Was your dream to be a moderator at a website?

Those are small nitpicks, granted.

Technically, I could see nothing amiss.

So a good, if brief (and I understand word count limits in activities) look at your past.

Thanks for all you do around here and happy anniversary.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
75
75
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Well, this didn't go where I thought it was going to go! I always enjoy reading something that subverts my expectations.

There is more than a little Good Omens about this, and the title should have been a giveaway but wasn't.

The characters have an interesting dynamic. Though with the harder task, Dave is more laid-back; it works in the context of the tale.

Technically, I could not see anything amiss. Really good to read something like that.

This was a great piece of short fiction that works and brought a smile to my face. It's probably even sellable.

Great work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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