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1,053 Public Reviews Given
1,079 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
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I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Wow.

This hit with a punch.

The start felt like a standard story of a parent telling the tale of a dead child and the feelings and past. It felt like the sort of story someone would share at a coffee shop or bar or something.

But when you changed to present tense for the final passing in the hospital, the emotion felt like it intensified tenfold. Coming from the muted beginning, it hit harder, and made the emotions grow more than I think they otherwise would have.

I think the only thing that did not feel like it worked was twins being kept apart and not knowing their sibling. The angle between them was fine, but the lack of knowledge was jarring to me.

Technically, it seemed fine. I could see nothing amiss apart from the odd missing comma here or there.

But this ended up being a powerful piece.

Well done and good luck going forward.


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77
77
Review of Summertime  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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While, on the surface, this was a sad story about death, there was also that element of hope and of holding onto cherished memories through the song.

I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose a child, and the fact you can write about it shows a strength in you, plus sharing something as personal as the song you shared together.

It did feel a little muted, but I cannot blame anyone for that in this situation.

And I think this version is my favourite version of the song as well. Good choice.

Thank you for sharing.


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78
78
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, this is my judging notes for the Horror Writing Contest
1) The concept.
A really good twist on the Christmas ghost story. I like me a good subversion.
2) The tone.
While your descriptions were top-notch, there was a muted feeling in the horror. I think it was that things went too fast, so the build was rushed.
3) Technical aspects.
Nothing wrong that I could see.
4) How well it tells a story.
Strong. The only issue was we didn’t get a feel for Martin being a Christmas curmudgeon. It was told to us that he was, but he didn’t come across as particularly un-Christmas-y.
5) How well the prompt is integrated into the story.
The Christmas ghost story – perfect.

Despite being set now, it read like a Victorian work, especially in the beginning. Nicely done.
Good luck going forward.


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79
79
Review of The Portrait  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, this is my judging notes for the Horror Writing Contest
1) The concept.
This is one of those good ol’ ghost stories that were told and collated by Lord Halifax at the end of the nineteenth century. I have read something similar, but you have done it well here.
2) The tone.
The tone when same returned was just right, but when Ralph came, it became muted. There should have been more concern, more fear in that section as they realised just what had happened.
3) Technical aspects.
Nothing out of place at all. Well done.
4) How well it tells a story.
Like I said, it reads like a Halifax tale. The story is well done.
5) How well the prompt is integrated into the story.
The Christmas gift idea is good, but a little tenuous. Maybe if that was the reason he wouldn’t leave the painting in the barracks fire, it would have tied it up better. Still, it does come across okay.

This was a good little ghost story. With some tweaking, there could be some real eeriness in the ending.
Good luck going forward.


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80
80
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, this is my judging notes for the Horror Writing Contest
1) The concept.
Fantastic and unique take on the idea. In fact, the idea of haunted or possessed Lego is something new that I have not seen done before. Well done.
2) The tone.
This was not so much scary as funny. There was no sense of terror throughout. The tone was too light.
3) Technical aspects.
Pretty good. Watch how titles are presented. Genetic should be generic. Lots of places where full-stops should be commas or semi-colons, and a few misused capital letters. Karma is the spelling (Kharma was a wrestler). Exorcism (not exocism).
4) How well it tells a story.
The story is fine. Very definitely a story and one I can relate to all too well.
5) How well the prompt is integrated into the story.
Not too bad, although more possession than ghost.

The conversational tone was a nice touch. I need to say that I also liked the opening pre-amble.
Good luck going forward.


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81
81
Review of A-13  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Interesting little horror-styled tale. The idea behind it was really good, and the delivery was well done in a flash fiction format. The character of Emlyn was portrayed well, even in so few words.

A couple of things:
- clarify that it was Emlyn who said she painted over the sigils; the paragraph was focused on Avira, so it took me a couple of readings to work it out.
- the jump between feeling sick for the rest of her shift and getting home, I feel, should have been separated better
- would a news report say where the fire started? Wouldn't it be more likely they'd show it and Emlyn would recognise it?

So, some little things there... in my opinion.

Still, it was a fine story. And, technically, it was very clean.

Good luck going forward.


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82
82
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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You did really well bringing a sense of melancholy into your words here. The story was sad and depressing. It started as a "tell", but then the "show" took hold and it became intense. I think that works - going from something a little distant into the more personal as it progresses.

The ending was abrupt, but that was okay. And it was not spelt out, but there were enough hints to know it was a final and defnite ending - so, well done there also.

Your use of physical descriptions of how the nartrator was feeling was also done well.

Technically, I could see nothing wrong, another bug up in this piece.

This was a really good piece of flash fiction. This is the sort of work that could find a home outside of WdC.

Good luck going forward.


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83
83
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I got caught up reading your flash fiction pieces and realised I had to give you a review, so here I am.

You have a nice way with these micro-stories, weaving a tale in a few words. It's something I enjoy as well, and it is good to see that idea carried forth by others on WdC.

This one is something that too many parents could probably relate to - thinking back on that good moment when faced with the not as good ones later on. The use of italics to take us back in time worked nicely, and the whole comes together really well.

Technically, there was nothing I could see out of place.

Really strong. There are an increasing number of markets for this sort of story. You should seriously consider them.

Good luck going forward.


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84
84
Review of How?  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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I'm not sure if this was a tale of hope or of depression...

Doesn't matter - this was a really strong look at the final contemplations of a man who knows that his life is going to end, he can see it coming, and he has timne to consider everything. And it all made sense as the sorts of things that would go through someone's mind at a time like this.

Technically, it was very clean. I saw no errors. Great!

One small quibble - this sentence did not make sense to me: "It all contributed to the fountain of knowledge holding the nuclear altar." I think I know what you were getting at, but it reads odd to me.

One sentence out of 500 words.

So, strong piece, and really well done.

Good luck going forward.


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85
85
Review of Rain  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Looking through your port, this older piece really struck me. It is one of those science fiction tales with a deeper meaning behind it that lifts it. Your opening paragraph captured me straight away, especially this line: ...its parched plains painting a scene in monochrome shades of light and dark brown.

You described the Arudians without us seeing them, and the whole was portrayed so well in so few words.

(As an aside, I do have an issue with use of gender in relation to alien species, and with communication, as we haven't even learned to communicate with non-human species here on Earth, but that is an issue I have with all science fiction as a genre.)

I think technically, my only quibble is very pedantic:
...that says “life will out,” he recited.
I feel should be:
...that says, 'Life will out,'” he recited.

Still, this is a very strong story and I always enjoy scifi that makes me think.

Good luck going forward.


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86
86
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
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I know you've reviewed some of my work before, so it is only fair I return the favour.

While this is a couple of years old, this piece really tickled my fancy.

You have painted quite the picture with words here, a literary journey that sails along so well.

Technically, it looked as perfect as it could be - something I do not see enough of.

I think my only quibble is the last line. The whole was about books and blogging and journals and discovery, but then Walt Disney Studios appears and it felt like it came out of nowhere. It was jarring to me.

Apart from that, I enjoyed this piece a lot.


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87
87
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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I was not sure what to expect, but this was intense. The feeling of desperation, of the way she saw herself, was done with that conviction of belief that ended up being in her head so well.

I think the only comments I would make would be on the way the revelation of the "monster" being herself. I think I would have left that more in the reader's imagination, to really make the doubt about what was going on more stark, and make the final denouement more in the reader's face.

On a technical level, the monster was described as a "he" - was this a typo? And I would have split the para starting "The monster cackled..." into shorter paragraphs with eacdh new action to up the ante.

But that is probably getting into nitpick territory. This was, indeed, a great piece. Well done.


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88
88
Review of Green Dragon  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, I am not sure why you asked me to read this - it is not my regular genre, and I don't review a huge amount.

But, having said that, I did enjoy it.

Let's get the technical stuff out of the way first. Generally clean, but you need to watch some of the direct speech capital letter usage. Also, it is generally not considered good to change font. If looking to do something on a more public stage, watch the use of song lyrics.

Okay, the story.

It was an interesting one, although I have to say I did see the ending coming. That could just be me, though, so I won't "take marks off" for that. I did like the idea of a blind false mission as a test, and would like to think it was based on reality (I have no idea). The character of Liz felt realistic, with years of her previous job becoming almost second nature. And her resourcefulness also made sense, considering her past work experiences.

I can also understand why she would be bored in the Villages!

The only story beat that felt off to me was the dialogue. It felt a little informal, especially after the ruse was revealed. Debriefing in a hotel room does not seem like it would be the way the CIA - as poor as their reputation is elsewhere in the world - would operate.

Still, a fun story. Reading about older characters is such a relief, and maybe in that regard I would add a little more about the aches and pains, the memories, that sort of thing that older people do dwell on at times. (Having said that, I do not know the word count restrictions in place for this activity.)

Good luck going forward!


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89
89
Review of Blog (2023)  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
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The blog format is an interesting way to put forth your ideas and your stories and vignettes for people to read. I read the first page (so the most recently written items) and found there is a lot to like here. The descriptions are strong and there are some nice turns of phrase used throughout.

If I have one dcriticism of the writing, it is that at times you go for tell instead of show, which is a shame because, like I said, you have a good way with words.

Technically, I saw very few issues throughout.

I am curious as to what you plan to do with these pieces, as most of them feel that, with just a little tweaking, they could very good stories out there in the world for all to see.

Still, this is a great way to introduce people to your writing and to have your thoughts all set down in one place.

Good luck going forward.


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90
90
Review of Trapped  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
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I will start by saying this is not the normal sort of poetry I read, but going through your port, this attracted me and I read it... and I understood it.

It is where I am right now in my own personal life.

So, you have managed to communicate an idea that is hard to put into words to someone who knows what the feeling is. That is quite the literary skill.

As a poem it works well (though why does 'Said' have a capital letter?) and flows nicely. I read poetry out loud, and this came easily to me.

Well done.


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91
91
Review of New Beginnings  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
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This is a sweet little tale about the meeting of an older couple. All very sudden, which is often the way of the world, especially as people get older.

As a story, there are a few details that don't matter, and so take the reader a little out of the story. For example, her having been a nurse has no bearing on the story, on her behaviour or anything else. If it was related to something in the charatcer, then it would work better. Little things like that.

It also lacks some detail. We're in Catherine's head, her PoV - how does she feel? How does her body brespond? What memories come to her? Why does he attract her? Let us know Catherine as a character.

On a technical level, this needs a thorough edit. Punctuation, capital letter usage, that sort of thing all needs looking at.

It does feel a little like a first draft. Some more work and I think this could be a very good story that shows that love knows no age barriers.


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92
92
Review of Intensive Care  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversary month.

Wow. This was intense. Almost losing a loved one like that is something that can be terrifying. I have lost more than enough people - including some very close to me - in my 52 years and yet I can only imagine just how you felt going through this and having to make a call like you did.

You capture the scene very well, the lead-up and then the incident, and the fact you could not remember what the nurse said to calm you makes perfect sense.

It would be churlish of me to point out the few errors in the tale, so I won't except to say there are a few.

I also feel it does not really end. It just sort of peters off, and it feels incomplete for that.

Still, a nice emotional piece, and I can only imagine how hard it must have been to write.

Nicely done.


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93
93
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Happy WdC anniversary month.

An interesting essay that is not a little sad. uAs an essay, it is written in a casual format with the information/facts distributed throughout in a manner that makes for an easy read. It allows the reader to come to their own conclusions as to whether this is a good thing or not, the decline of the phone booth, but the overall toine is one of depression that a part of history is disappearing.

And the final line is an intersting one, plus a reminder that the phone is there for one reason, really - communication.

I liked this. It told the reader what it needed to without going overboard. Technically, it felt very clean. No obvious errors stood out to me.

Here's something to consider - in Australia, the majority of phone booths that are still in use are now free for users to call any landline in the same state as the phone, and the cost to call a mobile is minimal. Since they have become free, the amount of vandalism resulting in phones being unusable has dropped markedly.

Just thought I'd throw that in there! *Wink*


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94
94
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Happy WdC anniversary month.

I have to say, I wasn't sure what to expect with this, and was intrigued to see that it was a dialogue story/duologue. It was a monk explaining his life's choice, and done as a tell of his history, but at the same time telling us the current situation through what was said. We have no names - and this does not need them - just a tale of bravery.

It says this is a "sample", but I think it works on its own.

Technically, there were a couple of things:
...the galley. A galley is a kitchen on a vessel, not a building.
...then baking bread... How could he bake and not be caught, with the smells of fresh baked bread?
...I approached m superiors... -> my superiors
If putting thoughts in quotation marks, you need to use the same rules as direct speech, but thoughts are generally written as italics.
...have been morning the loss... -> mourning
“But surly the... -> surely

As for formatiing, I would separate the paragraphs a little better.

But those are little things. As it is, the story is a strong one told well.


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95
95
Review of Horror Movie  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi. This was recommended to me to read, so I thought I would give it a go.

First, it is difficult to read. Delineating paragraphs better and having better line separation would help.

The story is an interesting tale with a strong storyline behind it - a 3D movie is more real than it appears. That is definitely something that can create some sort of horror and tension.

I think my issue is there is a lot of tell instead of show in this. Or the show is minimal. For example"
"One wolf slashes out at me with its claws, and I feel them slice into my calf. I scream as burning hot pain lances through my leg, and vaguely, I hear other people ..."
You tell us that you feel the claws. What is that sensation like? A hot pain lancing is a descriptor but (a) that's a cliche, and (b) it does not let the reader feel the experience. And then there is a vague hearing of others screaming. There is a distance between the action and reader's emotions. Don't be afraid to go deeper in your descriptions and the sensations. Use all 5 main senses.

The characters were fine, but they did feel at times they were interchangeable. There was very little to differentiate them from one another.

Technically, it was fine. Very few errors. I will say that I don't think present tense works for the tale, though.

So, this is a decent story, but I feel it could have been so much more.


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96
96
Review of Gemini  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi.

I found this poem because of a review I read, and decided to see what the fuss was about.

The idea of the devil/aangel on the shoulders being as bad as one another is an interesting idea. The fact that angel only means "messenger" and devil "accuser" makes this seem more like the truth than anything else.

I get where the idea of zodiac referring to the Gemini comes from, but it feels a little out of place amongst the rest.

As far as technicalities go, as a free form poem, it was fine. I did like the paired rhymes in the first stanza, but found the rhyming lines in stanzas 3 and 4 threw me a little when I read it out loud.

I think you have used the picture prompt really well here, especially for a poem.

I liked this one; well done.


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97
97
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I am not sure if this really was written by AI or if that was just put there to make people read this. I am going with the latter, and am going to review this as if a real person wrote it.

This feels like a fairy tale, a simple tale, although one without a moral or a lesson learned.

It is a vignette more than a story. There is no actual incident. It is man meets woman, they fall in love... the end? Where was the complication? Where was the sense of story. This is what grandparents tell their grandkids about how they met. In that regard, it was also all tell and no show. Things happened... and that was it. Where was the emotion? Where was the use of all five traditional senses?

To the person writing this - it needs more than just something happened for it to be a story.

Now, having said all that, technically, it was good. I could not see one error. Well done.

Sorry.


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98
98
Review of The game of love  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
I don't review a lot of poetry; it has to speak to me on a personal level before I will.

Therefore, you can probably tell that this does just that.

There is little imagery; it is straight-forward and just relates how you feel. Sometimes that is the best way to approach topics like this.

It is as a poetic form that this made me struggle a little. I read poems out loud to get a feel for them and this did not work for me in that regard.

You held a consistent rhyme scheme of AA-BB CC-DD until the last stanza when it became ABAB. This is also where the story of the poem became murky. Whose desire? Yours for someone else? The person for some else? I was lost a little.

The next is speaking it. Rhyming poetry tends to need a good rhythm in order for the rhymes to work. The syllable count here was very inconsistent: 14-12-8-10 11-12-7-12 8-8-11-13 5-6-5-7. This made for an awkward speaking pattern.

Of course, this is just my opinion.

The sentiment is one I can relate to all too well; I think there is just something lacking in poetic presentation.

Good luck going forward.


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99
99
Review of Dead Man Walking  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Reviewed in association with The "Flights of Fantasy Group"  August Review Raid.

Hi. I’m reading this as part of the review raid.
Dead Man Walking
         “…the mountain pass was colder than s***” Watch cultural comments. This is not a phrase I’ve heard before, and in a fantasy, non-industrial setting, it does not make sense. In Australia, “warm as fresh s***” is a phrase we use, the opposite to this, and so the cultural implication is lost.
         ”…his words swirling… around like withered old leaves above his head, breaking apart on the jagged rocky ledges and landing anywhere but behind him…” Nice description.
         ”Not that he could turn his head to see. Not that he could tell how Loti looked even if he could…” This felt clunky, two sentences of looking.
         ”His hands… exhalation.” After the discussion of not being able to see Loti, this felt like a jump.
         ”Yesterday… at the time.” This is a good paragraph, detailing why they were here without being an intro info-dump. It still felt a little expositional, but maybe adding at the very end of the para something about. ”Now, here they were, freezing their noses off, trudging to who knew where.” I know that is clunky, but it then does bring the reader back to the present.
         ”Fracshon hadn’t heard… hour.” While I appreciate the humour, it did feel a little jarring in this place.
         ”What was adventure without… forget that.” Really strong internal dialogue set up here, showing character nicely.
         ”Fracshon had no idea…” This para shows some decent self-awareness, the sort of thing that comes too late. Well done.
         “Sound good, Loti?” I get this is relating back to the gold/women comment, but coming after his internal dialogue about making camp, etc., there is some small confusion to be had here.
         Not sure the ending works brilliantly. I like the fact you haven’t told what happens to them – open-ended is fine and works well here – but I had the impression come the end that Loti didn’t even exist.

That was my reading of the story. It is a good little piece of flash fiction, and the setting and back-story work quite well.

Good luck going forward.


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100
100
Review of The Final Journal  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Okay, after seeing this on the Newsfeed, here is a review.

Before I start, though, I will say I enjoyed the story. I only review things I like, and I did like this one. As such, I only hope to help improve it. But this is all my opinion. Feel free to ignore everything.

The Final Journal
         The first two sentences are both passive constructs. That makes the reader feel disengaged. Maybe “Parker sat at his desk, typing away…” and “A knock sounded at the door.” or “Someone knocked at the front door, making him jump.”
         I would add something like a handshake after Eli introduces himself. It just feels empty at the moment.
         I like that you have separated passages obviously.
         Next section starts with another passive construct.
         Eli nearly shouted as he stood up, "Just like that." This felt odd. Why would he shout? Why stand up? And then Parker looks down at him. Is Eli a Hobbit?
         The maps and everything coming up like this feels strange as well. It does not feel natural.
         The discussion of the life story, though, is good and engaging.
         Ellipses don’t need spaces. …, not . . .
         Nice use of Eli’s Oceanography knowledge.
         He sat down… on the ground. I think these two sentences would work better combined into one.
         The conversation on the island feels natural.
         A steel and glass three-story building, half the size of a football field… It does not seem right that this would be unseen by satellite imaging etc.
         Good description of the inside of the building.
         Horatio just asks if they’re relayed? Nothing else. The first people he has seen or communicated with in decades, and that is what he asks. I think he would have been overwhelmed. The whole loneliness thing would surely have got to him. It does not feel right.
         The ending going back to civilisation is a little anti-climactic. I think I would have ended it without the explanation of what he had done, but just, after Horatio had gathered himself, discovering this young man was his grandson, and Eli watching them embrace. Or something like that.

So, that is how I saw this. I know it seems a little negative but the idea is strong and there are a lot of good things about it. I think there just needs to be some finesse-ing to make it really strong.

Good luck going forward!


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