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Review Requests: ON
1,068 Public Reviews Given
1,095 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review of Butterflies  
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
This is an interesting story about evil in the guise of a friend. The tone of it is the sort of way a person talking would sound like, which gives it a down-home feel that makes the ending all the more tragic.

However, I did find it difficult to read. There are a lot of run-on sentences, the punctuation of direct speech needs a lot of work and is inconsistent through the story, and while the story was in present tense, you slipped into past tense a few times.

There is the core of a good fantasy-horror tale in here, and the narrator comes across as a legitimate and well-rounded character, but it needs a very thorough edit to make it easier for a reader to get into.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
127
127
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Even though born in 1970, this is the music I grew up on, and, later, came to love. This is such a wonderful love letter to the music of days gone by. While I do like some modern music, I have to agree with so much of what you've said here.

As to the poem, I prefer rhyming poetry, and this fits that bill. Some forced rhymes are there (e.g. rider/water), but mostly it works well.

The meter is also consistent, with a 6/7 syllable count. Now, I read poems out loud, and a couple of lines felt awkward. "the pounding... feet" felt one syllable too long, and "Glass tubes... silicon" was just odd to say.

Still, in general, this is a great poem. Yes, it does smack of "in my day"... but when that's accurate, who can argue?

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
128
128
Review of The Kiss  
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy anniversary!

I know this is an older piece, but you are the chosen one this month, and this was the one that struck me.

I loved the emotion in it. The way you portray the two characters, as if they knew exactly what was going to happen to them that night, was really well done. And the ending, with them being found and being left there fitted so well. This was such a lovely little story.

Technically, there were a few errors in direct speech punctuation, and a couple of missing commas, but nothing that a thorough edit wouldn't fix.

But the over-arching story was well told. this was shown so well, with touches and descriptions, letting their characters come through with the words.

I liked this one a lot.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
129
129
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy anniversary.

This was a nice little vignette or start of a longer work. You have a good eye for description, though most tof it is physical; I think involving the other senses would have made this feel a little more rounded. A couple of the lines didn't work (e.g. "left the insides of the pod"... maybe "left the comfort and safety of the pod"?) but, in general, you painted an interresting word picture.

It would be interesting to see where this would go.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
130
130
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy anniversary.

This is a powerful piece about not sure about feeling, on any level. There is a lot going on here, rejecting someone because of a lack of feelings, but not being proud nor happy with that.

I do like that you put this as a monologue and not poetry, but it does work as slam poetry, designed to be read and heard out loud and not off a page.

I think maybe there are a couple of extraneous lines - the "bad person" one springs to mind, because that's not how this reads, not as badness, but as someone disjointed - that did not uite work when I read this out loud, but the piece itself is quite strong.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
131
131
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy anniversary!

This is an interesting and depressing little poem about being let down by reality and the people in it. The concept is a deep one, focused maybe on one person, and maybe on people in general. I like the fact it could mean either/or.

One thing drew me out a little - the inconsistent use of capital letters, especially with "I". It felt like there was something being attempted that did not come off.

Still, as a poem, the piece was well done and I would say I hope you find some joy in reality, but I'm in my 50s and haven't done so yet, either.

Good luck going forward.


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132
132
Review of AN EMPTY DINER  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy anniversary!

I looked through your port and found this little tale of a man who was a hero without really knowing it.

I like the way you intersperse the here and now with the police with the discussion of what had happened and what he was thinking about. The way the story was told made the tale work well. And your set-up for the final villain being who he is through hints and the motorcycle early on was well done. The only issue was the girl went to the back because she clearly heard the motorbike... so why didn't Andy hear it as well?

the only thing that didn't work for me was the use of present tense. Especially when Andy was thinking about the past, and not talking, the tenses become mudddled. Sorry, but that just took me out of the story too often.

Apart from that, the technical side was really well done, especially the way you used direct speech in direct speech.

A fine story with what could be called a happy ending.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
133
133
Review of Cloven  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy anniversary!

I don't often review poetry, but this one really did speak to me. You explain it's a tree growing inside a stump, but it could also be a person allowing someone into their life after suffering heartbreak.

Reading it out loud (as I do with poetry), I was compelled to read it slowly, and it comes across as having a hint of sadness when I did that.

I cannot offer any suggestions for changes - this is such a nice little poem as it is.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
134
134
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy anniversary!

This was an interesting little character study!

I know it is a little old, but there are quite a few publications that start looking for Christmas stories - often humorous - in June/July for December publication, so maybe keep your eyes open. This could (only could) have a sht, I think.

I think the only issue I had with the story was Fir and Noble were interchangeable and felt like they were not completely "all there"... so why would Spruce trust them? It was the standard idiot villain plot.

I did like the final denouement, though - reindeer games, indeed.

Anyway, I think this could have a shot at a wider audience, if you want to go that way.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
135
135
Review of Frank's Companion  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy anniversary!

This is an interesting story. The opening sections were nicely done, with the growing idea of schzophrenia coming through. But the ending felt a little off.

Let me explain: I think you over-explained things. We didn't need everything about Frank. A few little things about the police knowing who he was and talking to himself and being loud was all it would have taken. Then the ending, with the voice appearing again, could have come with the ghost-hunters listening to their EVP recording and hearing the words, but without the "freak them out" stuff. I think the final section could have been much tighter and it would have worked as a far better creepy tale.

Technically, there were a few missing commas and apostrophes; it just needs a tighter edit.

Still, a well done and nice little horror story.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
136
136
Review of Snakeheads  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is being done as part of the judging for the Horror Writing Contest, May 2023.
The concept: The story of a troublesome birth in the midst of a rainstorm/ monsoon is an interesting one.
The tone; that is, the sense of horror, terror or unease: While there was a sense of urgency and doubt about proceedings, and yet there was not really a sense of horror. Even the idea the twins could be cojoined was only hinted with one two-headed snakehead before being mentioned after it was all over. The snakeheads also didn’t really come into it.
Technical aspects: Very strong. I could see no issues. There are also some very nice turns of phrase and descriptions here.
How well it tells a story: This was more a vignette than a story about the birth, especially with the barrator being knocked out for part of it. It was an incident that happened with some doubt and worry thrown in.
Other: Maybe it doesn’t speak to me as such, but this did not feel like a real horror story to me.

(If it was me? One of the babies would have had some sort of snakehead like feature...)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
137
137
Review of Food Portioning  
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
This is being done as part of the judging for the Horror Writing Contest, May 2023.
The concept: The food portioning idea was an interesting one that seemed like it was leading somewhere, and then you subverted it with something else happening in the denouement. Not sure it worked completely, though.
The tone; that is, the sense of horror, terror or unease: There was a definite growing sense of unease as the story went on, and then the biting and the ending came, which was sudden and really makes the reader do a double take.
Technical aspects: Fine. I’m not sure what was meant by “not get caught up in opportunity cost”, and the use of the term “lol” when not a part of text-speak is not something I find does not work. There was also some word repetition which did detract from the tone of the story.
How well it tells a story: This was fine. The build-up was good and then the ending out of nowhere. But the character of Mia seemed to go through something of a change; how had Vince not noticed that before? It was a little too ‘out of nowhere’ because of that.
Other: This is a fine tale, and there are some nice turns of phrase here.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
138
138
Review of Mr. Cherries  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is being done as part of the judging for the Horror Writing Contest, May 2023.
The concept: An invisible friend hanging on until adulthood and still influencing behaviour is a trope of horror that I haven’t seen for a few years; it was good to read one again.
The tone; that is, the sense of horror, terror or unease: There is a definite sense of unease throughout. The small exposition didn’t even distract from it, though mentioning he was a banker didn’t add anything. He acted like a child throughout. The distraction afforded by the mother-image was an interesting twist as well.
Technical aspects: A couple of the sentence fragments didn’t work, and a few repeated words gave it a tone that was a little light.
How well it tells a story: The story was there. Not everything was explicit, which is always a good thing in non-gore horror. And the open ending worked well.
Other: There were some elements that didn’t quite ring. The dead friend, the dying mother, how that meant Ed had to sacrifice a part of himself when there was no real indication he had done so before. I do understand that a limiting word count can affect these things, but there were a few leaps of story logic that didn’t quite work for me.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
139
139
Review of Peugeot  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is being done as part of the judging for the Horror Writing Contest, May 2023.
The concept: A PI being asked to follow a woman for no reason having the tables turned on him with disastrous results is an interesting way of looking at what is becoming and increasingly common trope.
The tone; that is, the sense of horror, terror or unease: There was a nice feeling of the mundane until the end when, suddenly, he was faced by a desperate woman with a gun.
Technical aspects: Strong; no mistakes noted.
How well it tells a story: This tells a strong story, taking things from a point of view not often examined. However, the demon thing at the end came out of nowhere, and was not even hinted at beforehand. It didn’t feel like it fit in with the rest of the tone of the story, and, re-reading it a couple of times, there was not a hint that a demon was involved.
Other: I think that it would have worked just as well as a PI having the tables turned. The sudden, jarring ending worked well in the concept of the rest of the story, except the inner demon. I do understand this goes with the other story written, but I am treating it as a stand-alone.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
140
140
Review of Mini  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is being done as part of the judging for the Horror Writing Contest, May 2023.
The concept: A person being stalked turning the tables on the stalker – if that is who the person even was – is becoming something of a horror trope, so it was interesting to read it in such a short format.
The tone; that is, the sense of horror, terror or unease: There was a sense of growing unease, but there was a little too much tell instead of show. I do know that the short word count does lend itself to that, but, for example, you had a paragraph describing the woman that didn’t need to be there, and which could easily have given you some more words to up the creepiness.
Technical aspects: Strong. I don’t think I saw a mistake.
How well it tells a story: The story is told well and it follows on but, like I said, there was a little too much tell.
Other: There are some nice descriptions here as well, something that I am coming to see as one of your writing strengths. I do understand this goes with the other story written, but I am treating it as a stand-alone.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
141
141
Review of Tide of Dreams  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is being done as part of the judging for the Horror Writing Contest, May 2023.
The concept: A dream leads to a murder. Does it? The blurring between waking and sleeping is taken to a nasty extreme.
The tone; that is, the sense of horror, terror or unease: The sudden jolt of the death at the end does come out of nowhere, with no hint that this was even an option. As such, it didn’t really feel scary so much as sudden and jarring.
Technical aspects: A couple of missing commas was about it; the rest is quite clean. On a formatting view, I personally prefer greater paragraph differentiation, but that is format, not technicality.
How well it tells a story: There was not even a hint of an idea that Sarah would have done this. The coming out of nowhere thing did make me think I’d missed something and so had to go back and read it a few more times. The “washing them clean” was a hint, but it did feel like more was needed.
Other: I think I would have added some mentions of feeling free, finally free. That way the hint would be there without being explicit.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
142
142
Review of Paying The Bill  
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is being done as part of the judging for the Horror Writing Contest, May 2023.
The concept: Really good. There is an element of “this could easily happen” about it all, which makes it work even better.
The tone; that is, the sense of horror, terror or unease: The sense of unease is there from the word go. The use of direct speech and the reactions of Jeff and Susan really add to that. Not terrifying throughout, but horror nonetheless.
Technical aspects: Could not find any errors – excellent.
How well it tells a story: This story is simple and creepy as all out. It works well, and might be best at this length.
Other: This is a very, very strong entry. Really well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
143
143
Review of I Must Love You  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is being done as part of the judging for the Horror Writing Contest, May 2023.
The concept: The idea of not knowing if it is you doing the killing, and then being worried for your sister is a strong one.
The tone; that is, the sense of horror, terror or unease: While I do understand the issues with having such a limiting word count, this was nearly all tell. There was no sense of unease until the ending; maybe creepiness, but that was about all.
Technical aspects: Very strong. One very minor thing was all. Very strong.
How well it tells a story: The story is told well, and it is a story that follows along okay, even if the drinking thing was left a mystery. The ending was particularly well done, and that was probably the only time a genuine sense of unease came into the tale.
Other: An interesting story, verging on the erotic horror genre. Something very different. Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
144
144
Review of God or Consus?  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Interesting little piece.

Some facts:
Romulus killed Remus before Rome was completed; Remus never ruled Rome as it wasn't founded until after his death.
I think you have conscious and conscience mixed up. Conscious means "aware"; conscience means "personal morality".
Alter means "to change"; altar is a place of worship.

And "concious" comes from the Latin word "conscire", to know a secret, from"con/m", with, and "scire", to know. It has nothing to do with a god of the harvest. It does share this etymology with conscience, but that comes from the gerundive as a thing that is required to be known.

Sorry to be so harsh, but these are pretty straight forward facts that do mean much of this writing does not make sense.


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145
145
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
This feels like the outline for a much longer and more involved essay. There were too many sentence fragments and misused punctuation and awkward formatting for it to be a completed piece.

The idea behind the essay is sound, and the way it has been categorised is also fine. But there are a number of assumptions made and some of the facts are very disputable. For example, you have "influencers" as a positive, whereas, more and more, they are seen as an example of what is wrong with social media. And "Be Likable Day" is something that I - and my children, who are teenagers and live online (it seems) - have never heard of before.

There were some sections I found very hard to follow, like the positives of social media section, and the conclusion. And the Impact section was two sentences long, and based around how it makes you feel; that is hardly the impact. What about dissemination of falsehoods? Blowing minor things out of proportion? Making serious topics seem important for only a few days? These and so much more can be placed at the feet of social media.

Including the lyrics to a song - especially the entire song - is not a good thing for a serious essay, and having that song there means this is open to a copyright takedown in its entirety. It does not matter if you give the song-writers, but you need permission from each of them, the publishing company and the website musixmatch where you've copy-pasted this from.

I am not sure what you want to do with this, but I do feel it needs work.

Good luck going forward.


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146
146
Review of Haboob  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi.

Interesting little story. You used some good descriptions, relying on not just the physical but also the personal to depict the terror.

However, I will say the ending of the "all a dream" trope didn't sit well with me. It's just something I am not a fan of. And there were a couple of places where it could be tightened up. e.g.
There was nothing in here except some old papers and the divorce papers for when she and Drew divorced when Patti was just a baby.
could be
There was nothing in here except some old papers, including those from the divorce from Drew when Patti was just a baby. ("from Drew" is probably also unnecessary, as he isn't mentioned again)

Punctuation: take us home. “Sally said should be take us home," Sally said

Still, an interesting story with some nice imagery. Good luck going forward.


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147
147
Review of Family Visit  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
Interesting little vignette, showing that sometimes we always remain our parents' children.

As a story, it was fine, but it did become bogged down in a lot of detail. For example, why does it matter that the meal cost $9.99? It didn't really come up again or mean anything.

Technically, there were a lot of punctuation errors, especially around direct speech, but also in other places. There was at least one occasion when you drifted into present tense from past tense. This needs a very thorough edit to get it reading a little more comfortably.

This was something that intrigued me - they've been together for 6 months, she's six months pregnant and they're planning a wedding. Does not feel like a lifelong romance, and the fact she was noticing his wandering eye at the restaurant, maybe for the first time, indicates that. Nice bit of showing (as opposed to tell).

So, there is some work to do, but you have some strong characterisation here, and there are a lot of positives to work with.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
148
148
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy anniversary!

This is an interesting little look at how the small things for us are sometimes the big ones for another. Finding an old diary and then tracking down the relatives is the sort of thing that makes for a fine tale. You even made info-dumps (like height and weight) seem interesting in the context of the find.

One little thing - if he enrolled in 1944, that's near the end of World War 2, not the start of World War 1. Apart from that, the rest was fine.

However, I think it lacked a little emotion on the part of the narrator. The narrator feels at a distance somewhat from the story; what enotions did this find bring up in them? It would have just made for a stronger, more impactful piece.

Anyway, good tale, and well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
149
149
Review of England's Jewel  
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy anniversary!

This was a fascinating bit of history. I knew about Alfred's Jewel, but you have put it into a context that text books (and Wikipedia) fail to do. I also liked the family history you started with, claiming you had nothing exciting, as it shows a way into the greater history, a history that many people whose families come from England would share.

It is well-written, technically great, and kept me reading all the way through to the end.

Really well done.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
150
150
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy anniversary!

I was attracted to this story becasue (a) I am Australian, and (b) my father was in Vietnam.

It was a fun little memory, a nice vignette of 5 days that clearly had such an impact on the narrator. (You've indiciated this is fiction, so I am not going to make assumptions.)

It was, however, a case of tell and not show. We got no real feel for the emotions of either person, why they 'clicked', how the feelings progressed.

On a technical level, it is standard for every new speaker to have a new paragraph, no matter how little they say.

There was a fine tale here, the sort someone would tell over a few beers at the pub, but for a full-on short story it just felt like it lacked something deeper.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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